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Road Trippin' with Ed and Hank (10) I'm tellin' y'all...… - myeyesaintblue [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Aug. 12th, 2007|10:30 am]
[music |Locomotion is the way he moves... he drags me 'round jus' like 'n ol' caboose...]

Road Trippin' with Ed and Hank (10)

I'm tellin' y'all... tha' man's insane...

Note: Usually these road trips can stand alone, but this one will make (a little) more sense if you've read Road Trippin' 9 first. P.S. Title by Ed.

Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: PG-I $$: Money will buy you a dog, but it won't make him wag his tail. Comments: Always appreciated.

Road Trippin' 9 is here:

Everything else is here:


My baby thinks he's I'm a...

"Train...? Did you say 'train', Hank?"

"Yeah... Sign said somethin' 'bout a train.
'S right on the way..."

"Right on the way ta where... 'xactly?"

"I dunno...
wherever it is we're goin'."

"Okay... Ya wanna go see some dumbass train...
 we'll go see some dumbass train."

"Sure is a helluva lot dryer on this end a the Columbia River..."

"Yep. Reminds me a lot more a home...
'Cept fer tha' big ol' river a course."

"Turn here, Ed."

"How far is it?"

"Sign said it were only two miles...
...Damn camera..."


"Guess tha'd be it then."

"Jeez... So... whadya s'pose tha' train ever did ta anyone
tha' they got it all penned up like tha'?"

"Dunno, Hank...
Hard ta 'magine the crime fittin' the punishment."

"Or maybe it's the other way 'round...
Maybe someone thinks they're protectin' it."

"Cain't hardly 'magine no one makin' off with it."

"Or gettin' too far if'n they did."

"Maybe they wanna keep it outta the rain?"

"Don' hardly think a l'il rain would hurt it... 'S a train after all...
'Sides... Think we're in one a them rain shadows here. Ya know...
where the mountains block most a the rain. 'N snow too."

"Maybe they're 'fraid someone'll vandalize it...
...cover it with graffiti or somethin'."

"If'n ya really wanted ta get at it...
ain't like tha' fence'd stop ya or even slow ya down too much."

"True 'nough."

"Bet them folks tha' built this don' even know wha' they're tryin' ta protect it from.
Jus' figure it's gotta be a whole lot safer bein' caged up like tha'
'cause ya jus' never know wha' migh' happen...
Sure as hell ain't no way ta live..."

"Uh... Are we still talkin' 'bout tha' train...?"

"Whaddya think it'd take ta tear tha' cage down?
Bet it wouldn' take all tha' much if'n some folks got ta gether...
Boy... I'd sure as hell like ta tear tha' down..."

"Maybe we better get goin', Hank..."

"Hey... Look, Ed...
They even got a vicious guard dog."

"Yeah... Real vicious... C'mere, fella...
Tha's a good boy... Ya wan' yer tummy rubbed, huh?
Yer 'bout as shameless as 'nother fella I know."

"Sure does look like a purty powerful piece a equipment, don' it Ed?
Sure would like ta see it set free. See jus' what it could do."

"Yep. Powerful...
...Ya wanna chase this here stick, fella...?"

"Mus' be made a iron."

"Yep. Iron.
...Go on... go get tha' stick, fella..."

"Can jus' 'magine tha' thing workin' up a good ol' head a steam."

...Don' go tha' way, dumbass...
Stick's over thata way..."

"'N sure looks like tha' were a real tight squeeze."

"Sure does.
...Don' think he understands the game a fetch too good."

"Bet some fellas musta worked up a real good sweat...
gettin' it in there like tha'."

"Reckon it weren't easy.
...Boy... I sure do miss them dogs."

"Prob'bly had ta grease it up purty thorough-like 'fore they..."



"Don' take much... does it?"

"Well it took you a fair 'mount a time ta catch on."

"Tha's on account a yer one track mind is startin' ta wear me out."

"You complainin'?
Didn' hear ya complainin' the other nigh'.
Heard ya moanin quite a bit... But I don' recall ya complainin'..."

"Nope. I ain't complainin'... Jus' runnin' outta steam."

"You seen tha' Major fella 'round anywheres...?
Maybe he's got some steam left..."

"'Fraid the Major's kinda wore out too...
But if'n it were some kinda national 'mergency
I bet he'd be more 'n willin' ta give ya anythin' he's got left..."

"'S a 'mergency alrigh'...
Got me a big ol' fire tha' needs puttin' out."

"Too bad... Guess ya forgot...
the man's a astronaut... not a fireman."

"Shit. Oh well...
Wha' I really need is one a them engineers anyways.
Someone who knows how ta drive tha' train real good 'n real fast 'n real..."

"Couldn' tha' school bus driver handle tha'?
Drivin' a big ol' train cain't be all tha' diff'rent from drivin' a big ol' bus.
'N I bet the Major'd be more 'n willin' ta ride shotgun again."

"Guess he could...
But I think maybe tha' bus driver mighta had his heart set
on ridin' shotgun his self..."

"Well... Know 'm gonna regret tellin' ya this...
But I think tha' Major mighta took a class or two 'n engineerin'...
'fore he decided fer sure on astronautin' 'n all..."

"Ya don' say?"

"I do say."

"He get good grades?"

"Well... He don' like ta brag... but...
the man had his self a solid C average."

"Good 'nough fer me."

"'Course you 'n him don' really got nowheres private-like ta go...
So's I guess yer jus' gonna hafta wait 'til later ta hop 'board tha' there train."


"'N maybe by then he'll be able
ta build up some a tha' there steam again."

"Hey, Ed... Wha' 'bout tha'...?
Maybe we could use tha'? It'd be kinda like tha' mile high club...
only fer folks tha' cain't afford ta fly...

"Think ya fin'lly lost yer ever-lovin' mind, Hank."

"'Tha' a 'yes' or a "no" then?"

"Wha' the hell do you think, dumbass?"

"'M guessin' tha's a 'no'."

"No kiddin'."

"Or maybe tha's a 'yes'..."

"'M leavin', Hank..."

"Nope. I guess tha's definitely a 'no'.
Better add tha' ta tha' there list a stuff ya won' do.
Hey... Wait up, Ed... You wouldn' really leave withou' me...
...Wouldya...? Ed...?"


"Anythin' fer love...
Oh, Ed would do anythin' fer love...
he would do anythin' fer love...
But he won't do that.

Oh, he won't do that.

Ed would do anythin' fer love...
Anythin' I been dreamin' of...
But he jus' won't do that.

No, he won't do that."


A few minutes later...

"Knew ya'd come back fer me...

"Get in, dumbass."

"I were startin' ta get bored
sittin' there singin' all by ma self...
Funny... tha' dog ran 'way fer some reason..."

"Yer jus' lucky I came back 'fore they took you 'way."

"So... ya missed me, huh?"


"Then why'd ya come back fer me?"

"I didn' wanna...
Tha' Major made me do it."

"He did, huh?"

"Yep. Ain't no 'xplainin' it...
But I think he's righ' fond a ya."

"He is, huh?"

"Yep... But...
Jus' 'tween you 'n me...
I think the man's as crazy as you are.
 Maybe crazier even."

"Well... tell him I'm righ' fond a him too.
Guess we're jus' two crazy dumbasses in love."

"Tha's fer damn sure... Especially tha' crazy part...
Hey... Maybe I should drop the two a you off at tha' there nuthouse.

"Sorry ta disappoint ya...
Tha' ain't no nuthouse... 'S a museum."

"Looks like a nuthouse.
Ain't never a nuthouse 'round when ya need one."

"Ain't s'posed ta call 'em nuthouses no more."

"Ain't never a loony bin 'round when ya need one."

"Yeah... Tha's a whole lot better, dumbass..."

"Ya ain't gonna drag me 'round no dumbass museum, are  ya?"

"No. On accounta a yer ankle's still botherin' ya.
But... would'n be so terrible
would it?"

"Sure would. Musty ol' museum.
Fulla a buncha stuff I don' understand."

"Don' matter if'n ya understand it or not...
Jus' matters if'n ya like it. Or not.
Ya don' gotta like it."

"Well, I won' like it.
So's there's no point in goin'."

"How the hell da ya know ya won' like it
'fore ya even look at it?"

"Jus' know."

"Still think ya gotta give it a chance
'fore ya jus' turn yer nose up at it like tha'."

"Tha' mean ya got other museums in mind?"

"I dunno..."

"Don' wanna go ta no stuffy ol' museums.
Swear ta me tha' ya ain't takin' me ta no museums..."

"Ya actually wan' me ta swear ta it...
All official-like?"


 I, Hank Jones,
bein' a sound mind 'n body..."

"Wait a minute...
Ain't no denyin' yer body's sound. Real sound...

but I ain't so sure 'bout yer mind..."

"Fine... I, Hank Jones,
bein' a poss'bly unsound mind
'n real sound body
do hereby swear tha' I won' take Ed Smith
ta any stuffy old museums.
There... Ya satisfied?"

"I dunno...
Could ya write it out 'n sign it, maybe?"

"Think yer righ', Ed...
Think tha' Major jus' migh' be crazier than me."


A few miles later....

"Hey lookit tha', Ed...
There's one a them trains in the wild... Musta busted clean outta it's cage.
Don't it look a lot better runnin' free like tha'?"

"Yeah... but..."


"It's jus' tha'..."


"Gettin' outta tha' there cage...
It ain't near as easy as ya migh' think..."

"Ed... I didn' mean it tha' way... Weren't talkin' 'bout you..."

"Ya absolutely sure 'bout tha'?"

"Yeah... 'M sure 'bout tha'.
I don' think a ya as all caged up like tha'..."

"Well it sure as hell seems like ya think a me tha' way..."

"I don't Ed...
Not like tha' anyways...
Not so... uh... Think maybe it's more like...
More like we live...  I dunno... not 'xactly in a cage...
but kinda shut away-like... like some a them there monks do...
Ain't like we ain't free ta leave... but we do our best ta keep other folks out."

Ya gotta be kiddin' me..."

"Maybe tha' ain't the best 'xample..."

"Ya think?"

"'Course only God knows wha' them monks are up ta..."


"Okay... okay...
Guess it's more like we got ourselves
all holed up in... I dunno... some kinda private Shangri-La..."

"Shangri-La, huh...?"

"Yeah... like in tha' ol' movie... I think it were called 'Lost Horizon'.
Remember...? Iris sent us a copy."

"Yeah... I remember it...
But our ranch seems a l'il too hot 'n dusty fer Shangri-La.
'N the barn don' always smell as nice as a Shangri-La should neither.
Guess we got us one a them low-rent Shangri-La's."

"Ya know damn well wha' I mean, dumbass...
'N tha's fine most a the time... Stayin' cut off from the world like we do.
But sometimes... sometimes it just don' seem real...
'n I wanna drag ya out inta the world...
Jus' fer a l'il while anyways."

"Don' think tha' went too well in tha' movie.
Remember...? Tha' fella tried ta take tha' woman with him
'n she up 'n died on him on account a leavin'...
'N then he went nuts 'n killed his self."

"Yeah... but..."

"'N didn' the hero... tha' fella's brother...
 end up goin' back ta Shangri-La in the end...
'cause he realized leavin' were a real big mistake?"

"Yeah... Guess he did."

"So's maybe we should think 'bout headin' back home
'fore I turn inta a pillar a salt or somethin'..."

"Think tha's an entirley diff'rent story.
'Sides... if'n ya were gonna turn inta a pillar a salt
ya prob'bly woulda done it by now."

You sayin' it's still a poss'bility?"

"Nice try, dumbass.

But we ain't goin' home yet."


"Don' go givin me tha'
'poor me, I ain't never gonna see home again' crap.
Know damn well yer havin' a good time."

Guess I do kinda like bein' drug 'round 'gainst my will...
Enjoy bitchin' 'n moanin' 'bout it."

"Tell me 'bout it..."

"Be glad to..."

"Wait a minute... On second thought...
Let's jus' turn on the radio..."


"Hey... This here's an old one...
Sing 'long with me, Ed..."

"Don' know the words."

"Mama, I found someone like you said would come along
Hes a sight, so unlike any man I've known
I was afraid to let him in 'cause I'm not the trustin' kind
But now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent
And must be out of his mind..."

"Bet ya know the words ta the chorus..."

Mama, he's crazy. Crazy over me
And in my life is where he says he always wants to be
I've never been so loved, he beats all I've ever seen
Mama, he's crazy. He's crazy over me"

"I am, ya know..."

"Yeah. I know.
'N me too, Ed. Over you."

A few more miles down the road...



"Before... When ya were playin' with tha' dog...
Did you call me 'shameless'?"

"Yep. Ya got a problem with tha'?"

"Nope. 'M righ' proud a it. But... How 'bout you, Ed...?
You got a problem with it?"

"Nope. 'S one a yer best qualities."

"It is, huh?"


"Wha' 'bout when I maybe go a l'il too far fer ya?"

"Jus' figure yer gonna ev'ry now 'n again...
'S ta be 'xpected... wha' with you bein' shameless 'n all."

"Sign says there's a campground... few miles thata way...
Ya wanna go see just how shameless I can be...?"

"'S awful hot, Hank... 'N 'fraid I really am wore out.
Ain't been sleepin' too good..."

"'S alrigh'... All the more reason ta stop.
We'll see if'n we can find a purty spot in the shade.
Set up the tent this time... It'll be nice 'n cool 'n we can take a long nap.
Breeze blowin' over us... Ain't gotta do nothin' but rest up.

"Guess tha' does sound real nice.
Let's go 'n take a look..."


And sometime after that...

"This is real nice Hank."

"Well it would be if'n ya'd put them shoes a yers
outside the tent."

"Okay... okay..."

"Hey... Watcha doin', Ed?"

"Whadya think 'm doin', dumbass?
Jeez... now who's the one tha's slow ta catch on...?
Ya got yer ticket? Train's leavin' fer Shangri-La in a few minutes.
You'll be able ta get on board real soon..."

"Mmmm... Ed...
Wait a minute... We don' hafta...
Ya really need ta get yer self some sleep."

"'S a engineer's duty ta live by tha' motto... Ya know...
Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat,
nor runnin' outta steam..."

"Think tha's fer mailmen..."

"It is?"


"Ya absolutely sure 'bout tha'?"


"Okay, then...
'M gonna take a nap...
Hold on ta tha' there ticket though...
You can take the next train ta tha' there Shangri-La..."

"Ya know somethin', Ed...?
Think we migh' already be there."

"Yeah... Guess we are at tha'.
'Course it's definitely one a them low-rent Shangri-La's...
Wha' with all the campin' 'n the bugs 'n whatnot...
'N I ain't hardly seen a piece a pie."

"How 'bout we try 'n find some pie tomorrow?"

"Won' get no argument from me.
Love ya, dumbass..."

"Love you too, dumbass.."


"...Love ya so damn much it hurts sometimes."

Didya say somethin's hurtin' ya, Hank?"

"'M fine, Ed... Didn' mean ta wake ya...
Go on back ta sleep."



Free Hit Counter

[User Picture]From: schlopki
2007-08-12 07:36 pm (UTC)
i love Ed & Hang ♥

and i'm very happy to do the roadtrip with them =)
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[User Picture]From: schlopki
2007-08-12 07:40 pm (UTC)
that is hank not hang ...
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 04:39 am (UTC)
Hey there,
Happy to hear you're enjoying the trip! (And Hang or Hank will answer to just about anything you call him :) )
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From: ankara28
2007-08-12 08:34 pm (UTC)
Can't say it enough, Ed and Hank are my most favorite men in the world. I have a copy of there lives next to my Bed Cabinet, and have read it several times and it never seam like an old story.
Each time I read it, I seem to understand and love them even more.The way you describe there lovemaking,instead of graphic details you show us a canvas painted with love.
Thank you, you have done what Victoria Holt,Mary Steward, and so many famous writers never could,keep me fascinated for so long.
Thank you.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 04:42 am (UTC)
Hey there!
That is so sweet of you to say about Ed and Hank's story... Thanks! Hank's been meaning to print out a copy since last spring and still has never gotten around to it.

And sometimes Hank really wishes he could write some of those graphic details, (he's tried, but it usually just sends Ed into fits of laughter), but I'm glad you like it the way it is. Thanks again!
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[User Picture]From: samtyr
2007-08-12 08:58 pm (UTC)
I love these boys! Glad to know there's still plenty to see and do on their road trip. 0;)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 04:43 am (UTC)
Hey! Thanks and glad you're still enjoying the trip!
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[User Picture]From: jennydcf
2007-08-12 09:06 pm (UTC)

I'm right fond of all three of 'em

Well, four, if you count the bus driver fella. Gotta say, though, I think Ed was right 'bout Hank's version of the mile-high club: Ewwww!:-)

And I understand why Ed would want to pin Hank down, sometimes, cause he's real good at getting his way. I liked the way he made sure Hank wouldn't have any big loopholes:

"Fine... I, Hank Jones, bein' a poss'bly unsound mind 'n real sound body do hereby swear tha' I won' take Ed Smith ta any stuffy old museums.

"There... Ya satisfied?"

"I dunno... Could ya write it out 'n sign it, maybe?"

And I laughed 'til I just about cried when Ed started talkin about "low-rent Shangri-Las". Though it's not a bad metaphor for what their home is to both of them.

I'm seeing a theme here, too. Hank keeps showing Ed that there's more to life than a ranch, no matter how happy he is to live there with him most of the time, and Ed keeps trying new things to make Hank happy and mostly enjoys himself, even though his old uneasiness about being out in the big world comes over him now and again. Sometimes they run into each other and get sore, but they keep refinding their balance. That's what a good marriage is all about.

Good thing they're getting a little rest, though. An Ed definitely needs pie. Ya gotta stoke those engines and let 'em build up a head a steam if you're gonna ride the rails.:-)

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 04:56 am (UTC)

Re: I'm right fond of all three of 'em

Hey there,
Glad to hear you're fond of all three (or four of them). Hank would like to go on record as saying he wasn't really serious about the porta pottie... It was just too tempting to tease Ed about it. If Ed had acted like he was going to take him up on it Hank would have run in the other direction. :D

Love how you could put the theme into words so eloquently... I think that definitely is what it's all about. Thanks! And, even though it's easy to start to take it for granted, Hank really does appreciate how Ed keeps trying new things for him and does try to remind himself how difficult it can be for Ed at times.
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From: forevermare
2007-08-12 10:04 pm (UTC)
This line was priceless: "Hey lookit tha', Ed...
There's one a them trains in the wild... Musta busted clean outta it's cage. Don't it look a lot better runnin' free like tha'?"

Crazy cowboy talking about a train as if it's a mustang. These guys really haven't been out much, have they?

Love ya, Ed & Hank. Hey, got a little extra space in Shangri-la for me? Come on, Hank. Stop hogging the bedroll and move over dumbass! :)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 04:59 am (UTC)
LOL! No, poor Ed and Hank really haven't gotten out much over the years... mainly just mountain camping trips in their state and a couple of adjoining states... Oh well... They're making up for it now...

And there's plenty of room in Shangri-la for you... We'll meet you at the next campground!
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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2007-08-13 04:30 am (UTC)

Yes Great Two parts

I love it so much I'm just dying laughing. Pat and I just returned after 20 days traveling around the east coast and well this stuff rang so true to my heart and my soul. Although getting Pat in a tent I don't try anymore he refuses up and down his idea of camping is a holiday inn with black and white TV. Although with our budget the one hotel in Clayton New York the ground would have been much better. Anyway I just love how the two of you keep finding interesting things and your language together. I went through my pictures from our trip just now and nothing as great as what you have been seeing. Great going Major and yes riding that train to shang-ri-la will be wonderful. Joe
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 05:03 am (UTC)

Re: Yes Great Two parts

Hey Joe,
Welcome back and LOL at Pat's idea of camping! Hope you had a great trip! Sounds like you did. Hank would love to get to the east coast some day (Of course he'd love to get everywhere some day...) Glad they made you laugh!
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[User Picture]From: joycedavenport
2007-08-13 10:59 am (UTC)
Guess we got us one a them low-rent Shangri-La's."


Yeah but they got themselves some high class entertainment in each other!

So they are 'alias Smith and Jones' are they? That was one of my favourite TV series ever and I recently went to look for fan fic to see if anyone had given it the Brokeback treatment. Didn't find any. I was so in love with Pete Duel and so sad when he committed suicide. There was definitely
an undercurrent to that relationship. Pete and Ben Murphy were absoulutely prototype Jack and Ennis in my view. Wonder if Annie ever watched it? I can still see the twinkle in Hannibal Heye's (Joshua Smith)eyes. Would have made almost as amazing a Jack as Jake. *SIGH*
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 05:19 am (UTC)
Hey there,
Hank using 'Smith' and 'Jones' must have been subliminal... Although once you mentioned it he remembered watching it with his folks (and imagining the same undercurrents...) Ed says he watched it too but didn't think about any undercurrents, but Hank doesn't believe him. It would definitely be interesting to know if Annie ever saw it.

Pete Duels suicide was so terribly sad, though.
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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2007-08-15 09:37 pm (UTC)
I do think it's funny to lock up that train that way. Good thing Hank was thinking hard how that train got in there.

So Ed is going to take Hank to shangra la? nice!

I love the photos!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-19 05:20 am (UTC)
Hey there!
Yeah... Ed and Hank both tought it was purty weird ta lock up that poor train like that. And they definitely enjoyed their little trip to shangri-la ;D Glad you liked it!
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[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2007-08-22 04:22 am (UTC)
*hugs Ed, Hank and Blue*

Sorry I'm late.

Blue, better cover Hank's ears, don't want ta give him any weird notions, and Ed would prob'ly never forgive me....

I went up in a Helicopter! Wheeeeee!

Went to visit my folks because my youngest sister, brother-in-law and niece and nephew came up from DFW and we all went to Sunday brunch at the county airport and they were offering Whirlybird rides, $30 a head.....

Still slightly giddy -- I is rotorhead from waaaaaay back!

Then afterwards there was the usually family stuff, but I sure missed my favorite uncles and cousin!
You might like my hometown -- lots of trains, but they're mostly tame, like in a petting zoo; hardly ever get loose and run wild.

*Hugs ev'ryone again*

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-08-23 04:11 am (UTC)
Hey there!

Sounds like a great family reunion! And how fun must that helicopter ride have been!?!

Ooops... I covered Hank's ears, but then he done went 'n read it... Think he's definitely got some weird notions now. And he's jealous. (Ed's just shaking his head resignedly.)


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[User Picture]From: bcatjr
2008-08-10 02:03 am (UTC)
"Jeez... So... whadya s'pose tha' train ever did ta anyone tha' they got it all penned up like tha'?"


or this one...Yer 'bout as shameless as 'nother fella I know."


Horny ole coots. hee hee

"...Love ya so damn much it hurts sometimes." Awwwwwww.
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