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Road trippin' (19) Iowa? I thought this was heaven... Note:… - myeyesaintblue [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Nov. 13th, 2007|09:18 am]
[music |Dream a l'il dream...]

Road trippin' (19)

Iowa? I thought this was heaven...

Some spoilers if you've never been ta Iowa.

Apologies: For not using the cut id before. I can only plead idiocy. If I still managed to do it wrong, let me know. Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: PG $$: Nope. Comments: Always appreciated.

Everything else is here:

Iowa? I thought this was heaven...

"Hey, Hank... D'ya mind lookin' at the map 'n seein' 'bout
gettin' us off a this damn interstate fer a while?"

"Sure, Ed. Kinda plannin' on it anyways...
Lessee... Jus' take the next exit..."

"Thanks, Hank...
This is a whole lot better."

"Sure is."

"Looks like we're officially
outta them Plains states 'n in the Midwest."

"Righ' nice a them ta let us know."

"Yep. Heard folks are gen'rally real polite in the Midwest.
'Cept maybe fer that one fella this mornin'
at the campground..."

"They really need a new word fer whatever that is...
Maybe camp-lot or somethin'."

"Think I like that. More truth in advertisin' tha' way."

"Wha'd tha' fella say this mornin', anyways?
You seemed kinda outa sorts when ya came back
from chattin' with him."

"Nothin'. Don' worry 'bout it."

"Did he figure it out 'bout us or somethin'? Shit. 'Course he did...
The way ya grabbed me 'n kissed me. Full on the mouth.
Knew I shoulda pushed ya 'way quicker...
Dammit Hank..."


"Ya know damn well once ya get yer mouth on mine 'm done fer.
Shit. S' hard ta believe. After so damn many years...
Like 'm a damn fool kid in love or somethin'.
More like a damn fool old man."

"Ya ain't old, Ed. 'N same here..."

"Yer damn righ' yer a damn fool too."

"Damn. Tha's a whole lotta 'damns' ya jus' rattled off."

"Fine. I'll switch ta 'hell'.
Why the hell didya do go 'n do that anyways?
Was way too many folks 'round..."

"Kissed ya after I got back from talkin' with him, dumbass...
Remember? While we were packin' up..."

"Oh... Tha's righ'.
So's... wha'd the hell he say tha' set ya off?"

"Said some stuff. Nothin' much.
Jus' ferget about it. I shouldna even brought it up.
Didn' mean ta... Me 'n my big mouth."

"Ya cain't say that 'n then not tell me what he said."

"It weren't much. Really.
Jus' 'long the lines a tha' bein' a family kinda park...
Lotta kids 'round 'n all 'n would we be stayin' long 'n stuff like tha'.
Come ta think a it, he were real polite 'bout tellin' me
tha' we weren't real welcome there."

"Shit. Wha' didya say back ta him?"

"Figured gettin' mad 'n yellin' wouldn' do no good.
Jus' asked him if'n he were on the state park welcomin' committee
'n he said 'no', 'n I said well thank you very much fer the warm welcome anyways,
but we'd be stayin' fer just as long as we wanted ta. Maybe longer.
'N then I wanted ta ask him if'n he had any good lookin' sons...
Tell him we were on a cross-country recruitin' tour...
But I figured tha' sure wouldn' help none.
Prob'bly jus' get us thrown in jail.
So's I stopped m' self."


"Even considered stayin' 'nother night.
 Jus' fer spite 'n all."

"Well... I guess that 'xplains ya kissin' me like tha'...
But we don' gen'rally kiss or nothin' when other folks are 'round...
How d'ya s'pose he figured it out
ta begin with?"

"Who the hell knows? Maybe...
Jus' ferget 'bout it Ed... 'S bound ta happen sometimes.
Ain't no way it won't."

"C'mon, Hank... Wha' were ya gonna say?"

"Shit. I prob'bly shouldn' be tellin' ya this... But...
You been a lot more relaxed these days...
Out in public, I mean..."

"Prob'bly 'cause we purty much
 jus' been out in public fer a helluva long time now.
Still... I don' gen'rally grab ya when other folks are 'round...
No matter how much I'd like ta."

"Nothin' like tha'...
so's much as jus' the way ya are.
Ya jus' seem less worried 'bout ev'ry l'il movement...
Like puttin' yer hand on my shoulder or touchin' m' arm or somethin'.
'N even jus' the way ya been lettin' yer self look at me...
'n smile at me... almos' like we're at home...
instead a campin' like this."

"Guess I'll just hafta be more careful."

"Dontcha dare, dumbass. Like I said...
Stuff like tha's bound ta happen sometimes.
Jus' ferget about it."

"Hard to forget about it Hank.
Folks judgin' us. Ain't easy on me.
Never will be."

"I know, Ed. But who the hell cares what other folks think?
I am real sorry I said anythin' 'bout it though."

"But tha's jus' stupid too, Hank.
Ya shouldn' oughta go keepin' stuff like tha' from me.
Sure it bothers me. But I'd still wanna know. 'Sides... if'n I had known...
I woulda made tha' kiss a lot more memorable...
Given tha' guy his money's worth.
'N you too, a course."

"Believe maybe ya woulda."


"Ya know tha' he were on his way ta church?
His wife were yellin' at him ta hurry up so's they wouldn' be late
'n they could get a good seat right up front...
Closer ta God 'n all I guess..."

Yeah. Town were only a couple a miles away."

"Bet he thinks his god'll put a big ol' gold star next ta his name ta day
fer runnin' us evil homosexuals outta tha' there state park
'n makin' tha' place a l'il safer fer heterosexuals.
'N kids. 'N puppies too."


"Yeah. 'N bunnies. 'N baby chicks. 'N baby..."

"'Baby chicks' is redundant, dumbass.
Can we stop talkin' 'bout this now?"

"Yer the one made me tell ya."

"'N now I don' wanna talk 'bout it no more. Where we goin' anyways?
Kinda seems like the wrong direction again..."

"Won' be fer so's long this time...
'S justa few miles."

"Ain't what I asked ya."

"Ya really wanna know?
Or ya wanna be s'prised?"

"What the hell... S'prise me..."

A short while later...

"There it is... Turn in here Ed...
Jus' couldn' pass up seein' 'Albert'."

"Lemme guess... some fella you were talkin' to told ya 'bout him?
But my guess is not tha' fella at the camp-lot."

"Yep. 'N nope. Hey... Look, Ed... We coulda stayed here...
Albert's even got his very own campground."

You mean camp-lot."

"Okay... camp-lot."

"Jus' don' get tha'."

"Thought he'd be bigger, somehow..."

"How the hell big d'ya wan' him ta be?"

"I dunno... Jus' thought he'd be bigger.
Fella said he were the world's
biggest bull..."

"Do like them blue eyes a his...
Sigh... Sure wish ya had blue eyes, Hank."

"Shut up, dumbass."

"Just sayin'..."

"So... Ya s'pose they worship him or somethin'?"

"Prob'bly 'or somethin'."

"Tha' reminds me... Wish we were here at homecomin'...
Tha' fella said high school kids paint Albert's balls real festive-like
on them kinda special occasions."

"Jus' don' go gettin' no dumb ideas, dumbass."

"Guess 'm slowin' down a migh'...
Ta tell ya the truth... It didn' even occur ta me 'til ya said it... But...
Now tha' ya mention it... tha' could be purty interestin'."


"I'd use non-toxic paint."

"Gee thanks, Hank."

"Bet they even got edible paint..."

"...Edible, huh?"

"Yep. Edible."

"Guess tha' does sound kinda interestin' after all."


"I know I said I didn' wanna take the interstate, Hank...
But this ain't 'xactly what I had in mind neither..."

"'S only a couple more miles. I think.
Don' got the best directions..."

"Ta wha'...?
On second thought... Nevermind..."

"There it is..."


"Tha' tree... in the middle a tha' intersection."

"This is whatcha wanted ta see?
Yer purty easily amused... aintcha, Hank?"

But if'n ya think 'bout it
 tha's prob'bly ta yer advantage."

"Ain't really a real intersection even..."

"Sure it is.
Four roads come ta gether... don' they?
Story is... some surveyor stuck his walkin' stick there
'n it grew inta tha' big ol' tree."

"Maybe tha' tree were already there
'n folks decided it were easier ta jus' drive 'round it
instead a choppin' it down."

"You accusin' the fine folks tha' reside in Iowa...
not includin' tha' one fella a course... he weren't so fine...
of makin' stuff up?"

"Maybe just exaggeratin' some..."

"Well, I prefer the walkin' stick story
so tha's the one 'm stickin' to."

"Guess tha' tree is kinda nice, ain't it?"

"Yep. Think it'd be nice if'n more intersections had trees in 'em.
Like I seen pictures from other countries...
They got fountains in 'em 'n whatnot.
This country ain't got 'nough

"You hungry, Hank?"


"How 'bout we sit under tha' tree 'n have ourselves a l'il picnic?
We could dig inta tha' pie we bought."

"Ya won't get embarrassed if'n someone drives by?"

"Maybe I should give tha'
not carin' what other folks think a chance. 'Sides...
What're the odds? We ain't seen one single car drivin' out here.
'N if'n yer real lucky... I may even kiss ya once or twice...
We can pretend tha' fella's watchin'."

"So... What're we waitin' fer?
Let's have ourselves a picnic."

A little later...

"Don' think we shoulda eaten it all..."

"Hell... Ain't like we have pie fer lunch ev'ry day..."

"Whaddya mean fer lunch?
Don' know 'bout you... but I'm still gonna eat some lunch later."

"Hey, Ed... Lookit this... there's some writin' on this here pie tin...
...It says 'Except the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain that build it'."

"Serve up a l'il preachin' with their pie, huh?"

"Looks tha' way.
But I kinda think tha' bible quote shoulda been
somethin' 'bout gluttony."

"Woulda been a l'il late fer us...
By the time we coulda made out what it said."

"True. All we coulda done is repent."

"Cain't say as I'm all tha' sorry."

"Me neither."

"Now... 'bout tha' there kiss..."

"Hmmm... Apple-y."


"Hey, look... There's a couple a more big ol' cows..."

"'N 'nother one..."

"'N a couple a more..."

"Hey, Ed...
Maybe they do worship giant bovines in this here state?"

"Beginnin' ta look tha' way..."

"Boy... they sure got a whole lotta purty l'il towns in this here state."

"Sure do.
Helluva lot more 'n we got."

"Looks like they worship giant women in this town."

"Don' think tha's a church, Hank."

"'N windmills in this one."

"Why the hell would anyone worship a windmill?"

"Ain't polite ta question other folk's beliefs, Ed."

"More like 'm questionin' yer sanity."

"'N it looks like they worship whatever the hell that is
'round these here parts."

"Wha' the hell is tha'?"

"I dunno... But it's definitely somethin'."

"Cain't argue with tha'."

"'N I ain't real sure what them folks worship. Or  don't.
They like ta keep secrets."

"Think all tha's jus' so's fellas can get ta gether
withou' no women 'round."

"Ya'd think they'd jus' form a bowlin' league or somethin'."

"Ain't as much fun as secret handshakes."

"'N black balls 'n white balls 'n stuff."

"Cut it out, Hank."

"What? Ain't tha' how they choose or refuse new members?"

"Yeah, but..."

"Hey... lookit tha', Ed...
They must worship a real tiny god in this town."

"Hope ya got a picture okay... 'Cause I ain't stoppin'."

"'N a much bigger god here."

"Bet their god could beat up tha' other town's l'il god."

"'N it looks like the folks here are torn 'tween
worshippin' Jesus or them all-powerful let's-all-tear-up-the-terrain vehicles.
Betcha them ATVs are winnin' out."

"Hate them damn ATVs.
Horses are a helluva lot better.
Ain't got nothin' 'gainst Jesus though.
Seems like he were a decent 'nough fella.
Ain't his fault folks use him ta hate on other folks."

"Yeah... lot of 'em keep invokin' Jesus' name
but I think they definitely prefer tha' there Old Testament.
'N even then they jus' pick 'n choose
wha' suits 'em."

"Yeah... my folks mostly had me memorizin'
all tha' Old Testament stuff. Suited 'em much better than the New."

"Sorry, Ed...
Didn' mean ta remind ya of yer folks."

"'S okay, Hank.
Don' bother me no more. 'Sides...
'S a whole lot better ta laugh 'bout it anyways."

"Well, then this migh' make ya smile...
Seems like they worship William Shatner in this here town."


"William Shatner?"

"Yeah... Captain James T. Kirk...
from tha' Star Trek TV show."

"I remember...
Watched them re-runs with Iris all the time.
Future birthplace, huh?"

"Tha's wha' the monument says..."

"Tell me we didn' drive outta our way fer this...?"

"Scout's honor.
We did not drive outta our way fer this.
Didn' have no idea it were here, 'til I saw tha' banner
'n tha' big ol' spaceship."

"Yeah. Right."

"'S true. Hey, Ed... which way d'ya think I turn here?
Think we wanna head thata way...
but I ain't sure..."

"Dammit, Hank...
I'm a rancher not a navigator."

"Well why dontcha pretend
 yer Mr. Sulu fer a minute instead a Dr. McCoy
'n jus' look at the damn map fer me."

"Aye, Captain."

"Think tha's Scotty."

"Whatever. Turn left here."

"Hey... There's somethin' tha's purty much
worshipped everywheres..."

"They say it makes the world go 'round."

"Thought tha' was 'love'."

"Well, you sure as hell keep me goin' 'round in circles."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Ain't sure it was one."

"'N speakin' a love...
It looks like a lotta folks 'round here
might worship what I do."


"Hey, Hank...
Dontcha ever worry if'n there is a God
yer gonna piss him off good?"

 "Nah... Figure if'n there is a God he or she's prob'bly
got a purty decent sense a humor.
Hell... Think ya'd need one."

"'N yer case he definitely would.
Or she."

"True 'nough. Hey, Ed...
How 'bout we find one a them camp-lots
so's I can boldly go where no man but me's gone before?"

"Aye, Captain.
I were wonderin' when ya'd get 'round ta that joke.
Turn 'right up at the stop sign. Accordin' ta this here map...
there's one a them state park camp-lots
'bout ten light years thata way."

"Ten light years? Shit...
I'd better kick it inta warp speed."

"Jus' don' get a ticket. We cain't afford it."

A while later...

"Dammit, Hank...
'M a cowboy not a contortionist."

"Don' make me laugh, Ed..."

We need more power, Mr. Scott."

"'Aye, laddie, I'll give it all I got."

"Good... job... Mr... Scott..."

"I dunno if'n it can take much more, Captain.
This ol' bucket a bolts is ready ta blow."

"Hank... Hank... Hank...
...Hey, Hank..."

"Shit. Ya don' gotta holler like tha', Ed..."

"I weren't hollerin'.
Said yer name 'bout six times 'fore ya heard me.
Sittin' there typin' with a big ol' dumb-lookin' grin on yer face...
Assume yer writin' 'bout the trip."

"Yep. Iowa."

"Good pie in Iowa."

"Yep. Tha' pie was damn good...
Among other things..."

"Yeah... I liked tha' big ol' bull with the blue eyes...
Wha' were his name...? Alvin?"


"Tha's righ'. Damn...
Sure wish you had blue eyes, Hank..."

"You keep sayin' tha' 'n I'm gonna tell folks
'bout tha' birthmark a yers."

"Sure do love them green eyes a yers, Hank.
They remind me of all tha' Iowa corn.
Kinda like the ocean.
Only green."

"Tha's more like it."

"'N I liked tha' dumb ol' tree
settin' in the middle a tha' gravel road."

"Think this here world needs more trees in the middle a intersections.
 'N more big ol' statues a bulls too. 'N giant wheel sculptures."

"Yeah, I liked tha' big ol' wheel sculpture too.
Tha' sure were somethin' alrigh'..."

"Sign said the fella who did it were ninety years old...
Figure tha' gives us plenty a time ta think a somethin' fer the front yard."



"Them pictures I got don' do it justice...
Hard ta see all three a them giant fins stickin' out.
'N all them big ol' iron wheels bein' welded ta gether like tha'...
Still cain't imagine how tha' fella did it."

"Me neither, Hank."

"Wish ya weren't so damn neat, Ed...
We ain't hardly got nothin' lyin' 'round the place...
Least-wise nothin' I could use ta make somethin' interestin'.."

"'N thank God fer tha'. But...
Our place ain't near as tidy as some a them Iowa farms.
Some a them were purty durn amazin'.
They put our place ta shame."

"'S okay...
we got more important things ta do...
In fact..."

"Don' say it, Hank...
Think there's a legal limit on how many times
one fella can make the same joke."

"Fine. I won' say it.
But the invitation still stands."

"Do ya remember that auction...?
I really liked that auction we stumbled on...
Smelled like home."

"That it did."

"'Course ya drug me outta there 'fore things really got goin'."

"Kickin' 'n bitchin' as I recall... Hell, Ed...
You were ready ta settle in fer the whole damn day."

"Worse ways ta spend a day."

"'N I bet ya still ain't forgiven me for tha'."

But you'll be the first ta know when I do."

"Thanks. 'Preciate it, Ed."

"Too bad 'bout tha' 'American Gothic' house though..."



"House were fine... Liked it a lot."

"Yeah... I did too. But I didn' 'xpect it ta be near any other houses...
Thought it'd be more out in the country."

"Yeah. Tha' were kinda s'prisin'."

"'N I gotta admit...
Weren't sure why they put tha' helicopter landin' pad
 right in fron' a it."

"Didn' get that at all."

"It were as big as the damn house."

"It were bigger than the damn house."

"Maybe they're gonna put some a them figures with the faces cut out on it
so's that ya can stick yer head in 'n get yer picture taken
like yer part a the paintin'."

"Don' 'xactly need a giant slab a concrete ta do tha'."


"'N tha' new visitor center were unfortunate."

"Looms over tha' l'il house..."

"Don' know why they had ta make it so damn big."

"Maybe they're gonna paint it red...
Try 'n make it look like the barn that ain't there no more."

"Then they jus' shoulda built themselves a damn barn.
A real one. From the outside least-wise.
Woulda looked a lot better."

"Sure woulda."

"Tell ya, 'm glad it weren't open, Hank...
Know you woulda told 'em 'xactly whatcha thought."

"Damn right I woulda....
Woulda told 'em tha' they shoulda took all tha' money
'n spent it on pickin' up tha' poor ol' house 'n movin' it 'n settin' it down
somewheres where there's still some countryside left.
Somewheres it could breathe."

"Think them folks in tha' picture coulda stood ta
take a couple a deep breaths a tha' country air themselves."

"True 'nough."

"Think I used ta feel how they look."

"Ya used ta look how they look too, Ed."

"Wouldn' doubt it."

"But yer face unclenched real nice over the years."

"Thanks, Hank. Good ta know."



"I'm still tryin' ta figure out
wha' tha' ugly ol' concrete slab is fer...
A big ol' statue a tha' farmer 'n his daughter maybe?"

"Wouldn' need no giant concrete slab fer tha' neither."

"It's round so's it wouldn' be suitable fer no basketball court."

"Or fer square dancin'."

"'N it's jus' a l'il too small fer a roller skatin' rink."

"Maybe they're gonna put up 'nother statue of a giant cow or bull?
S'posed ta be a farm after all..."

"Think tha'd kind block out the house entirely.
'S a real small house."

"Guess it would."

"Hey, Ed...
Remember all them plaster critters we saw arranged in tha' town park?
Maybe they're gonna do somethin' like tha'?"

"Yeah, I remember alrigh'... I remember you puttin'
my hat on the cow 'n yers on the horse."

"If'n ya wanted yer hat on the horse
ya woulda had ta have gotten yer ass outta the truck."

"Weren't no way I was goin' over there.
Tha' woman were givin' ya the evil eye as it was.
Think she were real worried tha' you were
gonna take somethin."

"Gotta admit... It crossed my mind...
Wanted ta grab tha' horse 'n cow 'n make a run fer it.
They woulda looked real nice in the front yard.
'Specially in them hats."

"Think tha' woman coulda took ya down easy."

"Hey... Ya don' s'pose they worship them
lawn ornaments too do ya?"

"Yer nuts, Hank.
Beginnin' ta think yer obsession with religion
is borderin' on unhealthy."

"Ya do, huh?"


"Then I guess ya wouldn' wanna know
what I worship, wouldya...?"

"Got some idea."

"Not jus' that, dumbass...
The rest a ya too. Hold on a sec 'n I'll show ya...
Jus' wanna find the righ' song here..."


"Think ya mighta used tha' song 'fore."

"Jus' this first part a it fer a title.
I think anyways. Didn' use the whole song.
See me. Feel me. Touch me. Heal meee... See me.
Feel me. Touch me. Heal meee... See me. Feel me. Touch me.
Heal meee... See me. Feel meee. Touch me.
Heal meeeeee...'

"Jeez... Do ya gotta sing ev'ry time, Hank?"

"Yep. 'Cause... Listenin' ta you I get the music.
Gazin' at you I get the heat. Followin' you I climb the mountain
I get excitement at yer feet'..."

"Feet, huh? I dunno... I'm a l'il ticklish...
But wha' the hell... You go right ahead 'n knock yerself out.
Ya wan' me ta take my socks off?"

"Tha'd be nice."

"Ya know, Hank... I kinda think it should be the other way 'round...
Think I should be singin' tha' song ta you."

"How 'bout we take turns singin' it ta each other?"

"How 'bout we just shut up fer a while?
'Cept fer the occassional moan or groan a course...
'N see if'n we can get these two ol' buckets a bolts up ta warp speed...
acceleratin' real slow-like a course."

"You remember that too, huh?"

"Aye, Captain...
Think maybe I liked tha' part a Iowa
best of all."

"C'mere, Ed..."



"Jeez, Ed...
Think we mighta orbited right 'round heaven
a few times there."

"Know we did.
I mooned some a them bible thumpers
 as we went by."

"Good job, Captain."

"Thought you were the Captain."


"Hey, Hank...?"

"Yeah, Ed?"

"Ain't tha' title yer usin'...
 'bout Iowa 'n heaven... from tha' movie...?
Field a Dreams?"


"But we didn' go ta that field."

"Nope. Didya wanna, Ed?"

"Nope. We saw a whole lotta purty cornfields in Iowa..."

"Sure did."

"'N I don' think tha' one coulda been any better. Baseball diamond or no...
Was kinda s'prised you didn' wanna go though."

"I dunno... Kinda think we got our own field a dreams right here.
Even if'n it ain't so green 'n purty.. 'S our field...
'N our dreams came true there."

"Yeah... Sure did.
'Course... I just had the one dream..."

"Me too."

"'N I didn' even really know I had that one...
'Til it did. Come true that is."

"Ya did so know, Ed.
Least-wise part a ya musta known.
'Cause yer the one tha' fin'lly moved yer ass here
'n made tha' dream come true...
Fer both a us."

"Uh... ain't sure wha' yer talkin' 'bout...
But I'm talkin' 'bout when I splurged 'n bought them real nice boots.
Regular dream come true fer these poor ol' feet a mine.
I had no idea the diff'rence they'd make.
It were downrigh' amazin'.
Miraculous even."

"Boots, huh?"

"Yep. Real nice boots."

"Glad yer dream came true, Ed."

"'N 'm real glad I was livin' with you when it did."

"Love ya, dumbass."

"Love you too, dumbass."


"You asleep, Ed...?"

"Would it really matter?"

"Fields sure can be purty...
Ya like fields a whole lot, dontcha...?"

"Yep. Fields can be real purty."

"Ya know wha' fields I wouldn' mind seein'...?"


"Them green tea fields in Japan...
Or maybe them fields at Machu Picchu... 'n the ruins too...
Or some a them terraced rice fields...  Got them a whole lotta places...
like Bali or Viet Nam or Thailand... ya like Thai food a lot...
'N I bet most a them European countries got
real purty fields too... 'N maybe..."

"Shit. Ya won' be satisfied 'til ya got us circlin' the damn globe.
'N I think maybe ya lied before... Think ya do got
more 'n jus' that one dream.

"Okay... Maybe I do got some other dreams...
Hell... I'd like ta see the whole damn world if'n I could.
But the only dream tha's ever mattered if'n it came true did come true.
'N anythin' else is jus' like the cherry on top of a big ol' sundae.
Coulda sworn I told ya all tha' before, dumbass..."

"Yeah... I guess..."

"C'mon, Ed... You mus' dream 'bout somethin' too?
Somethin' ya wanna do. Some place ya wanna go. Some thing ya want.
'Sides boots anyways..."

"Well... Uh... I guess I always wanted ta be able ta make an apple pie.
Well, not always... but fer a purty long time now...
Ya know... a real good one."


"Yeah... Kinda been wonderin'
if'n maybe Betty 'n her mom migh' be willin' ta teach me...
Been thinkin' 'bout askin' 'em... But 'm kinda embarrassed ta do it...
'Specially after wha' happened with them dinosaurs.
Ya jus' had ta go 'n do tha', didn' ya?"

"Yer dream is ta learn how ta make pie?"

"Real good apple pie."

"Good a dream as any I guess. 'N I bet they would...
They didn' care 'bout them dinosaurs. They jus' thought it were funny.
Jus' do whatcha normally do in them kinda situations...
Pretend it never happened."

"Only thing I can do."

"Ya wan' me ta ask 'em fer ya?"


"Yeah. I would. 'N I will."

"I never thought ta ask yer ma ta teach me. Wish I woulda...
Guess I never woulda got up the nerve anyways."

"Bet my ma woulda liked that a lot.
Ya coulda been like the daughter she never had."

"Shut up, dumbass. Plenty a fellas make pie."

"Know they do. Jus' teasin' ya.
Ya wouldn' make a very purty girl anyways."

"Tha's true 'nough."

"And ya know damn well tha'
there's been more 'n a few times when I wished I had
had my ma teach me how ta make her recipes.
Sure weren't much writ down..."

"Yeah... 'N wha' we do got directions fer don' taste near as good
as when she used ta make it."

"Sure don't."

"Yer ma were a real good cook."

"Sure was. So...
Ya got any other dreams, Ed?"

"Cheese, maybe..."


 "Yep. Cheese. I'd like ta try a whole buncha diff'rent cheeses.
Ya know... real good ones... from other countries.
Like some a them tha' Iris brought us.
Only more. A lot more."

"Think we could get our hands on some good cheese easy 'nough.
Prob'bly plenty a places ta order from on that internet.
So... C'mon, Ed... What else d'ya dream of...
'Sides cheese 'n pie 'n boots...?

"Well... Guess 'nother dream a mine
 would be fer this fella next ta me ta shut up long 'nough
so's I can go ta sleep 'n spend some time dreamin' 'bout him
'n then get 'nough rest so's I can do ta him tomorrow
 whatever it is I migh' dream 'bout doin'
 ta him tonight."


"G' nigh', dumbass."

"Sweet dreams, Ed."

"They sure have been, Hank."

"Yep. Sweet dreams 'n a sweet life...
With my sweetheart Ed 'n his sweet, sweet cheeks."

"Go ta sleep, dumbass"


"Dammit, Hank..."

"Mmmph...? Wha'?"

"Now ya got me cravin' somethin' sweet.
We got anythin'?"

"I dunno, Ed...
Guess there migh' be some cookies left..."

"Nah. Them ain't worth gettin'up fer.
Guess I'll jus' go ta sleep."

"How 'bout a kiss?"

"One a them chocolate ones?"

"Nope. Justa regular one."

"I dunno... Lemme think 'bout it..."

"C'mere, dumbass."


"Ya know, Hank... real good chocolate would be good too.
we ain't hardly ever had good chocolate."

"Sounds good ta me, Ed.
We'll get some real good chocolate too."

"'N it seems like 'bout all we ever drink is beer 'n whiskey.
Think I'd like ta try some other kinds a stuff."

"'S a whole world a booze out there...
Be glad ta get ya liquored up on anythin' ya wan'."

"'N a coconut, maybe.
We ain't never bought a coconut."

"We should definitely buy a coconut."

"Guess maybe I'll start a list in the mornin'."

"Good idea, Ed."


  free statistics

[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2007-11-13 07:58 pm (UTC)
Considering I've been livin' next to and/or in the State of Iowa the past twenty-odd years, 'Blue, m'not surprised some of those photos look familiar. Although I have to confess, I have NO idea what that round flat spot near the 'American Gothic' house is for..... sorry guys!

BTW, the folks in Pella don't worship windmills, they're just real proud of their Dutch heritage... too bad the boys missed the Tulip festival (insert bad puns and double entendres re: lips and what they can get up TU, er, TO, *here*). Maybe after ED learns how to make a really good Apple pie, he can teach me? And I'll give ED my healthy Pumpkin cream pie recipe...

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 05:48 am (UTC)
Hey there, Bad puns and double entendres or not, I bet that Tulip festival would be fun (and beautiful, too.) Ed and Hank happened to be passing through Pella on a Sunday and Ed and Hank (but especially Ed) were very disappointed to find everything closed. (And by everything I mean the Dutch bakeries. Darn!)

If you ever do find out what that big ol' slab is for near the American Gothic house please let us know. Or maybe not. Maybe we won't want to know. We'll let you decide.

Ed and Hank sometimes make feeble attempts to bake, although never a pie yet. But... they'd love to give your Pumpkin Cream pie a try if Ed ever learns to make pie crust. (If he does, he'll be glad to teach you if you're ever in our neck of the woods.)

If you get the urge to send it my, email is myeyesaintblue@yahoo.com (Absolutely no rush. Pie making is a ways off in Ed and Hanks future.)

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From: (Anonymous)
2007-11-13 08:19 pm (UTC)


Really hate the idyll being interupted with someone seeing two men in an RV and butting in to say they weren't welcome in a state park. I would like to think that unlikely ... Glad it didn't ruin the trip.

The view of worship was poignant and funny, your hallmarks.


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From: ellenlj
2007-11-13 09:13 pm (UTC)

Re: grr

sorry, not logged in

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[User Picture]From: huladavid
2007-11-13 09:48 pm (UTC)
I tell ya, I've got some roadside attractions from North Dakota I gotta send you.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 05:59 am (UTC)
Hank loves roadside attractions. (As, of course, you know by now.) Didn’t you mention some giant cow named Sue before? Any attractions are welcome. Ed and Hank may head to the Midwest again next summer (or maybe sooner) and would definitely try and take a different route. Don’t know if you still have my email... it’s myeyesaintblue@yahoo.com
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[User Picture]From: jennasts
2007-11-13 10:21 pm (UTC)
Oh, one of your more delightful offerings, and they are all pretty much delightful. I am a Trekkie, so I especially loved the report from Riverside, Iowa, future birthplace of James T. Kirk. But really, what took the cake was: the pie. That Ed wants to learn how to make a really good apple pie. Let me tell you, Ed, it's not the pie, it's the crust that makes all the difference and is the real challenge. I wish he liked cake as much as pie. I've got a peach pound cake recipe to die for. Maybe Hank would like it....

Always a pleasure to spend some time with Ed and Hank. Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: joycedavenport
2007-11-14 04:17 pm (UTC)
Hey Jenna

I recently read some Kirk /Spock for the first time and really enjoyed it. Read your article on the history of the fandom as well.

I found the pairing almost as hot as Jack and Ennis, my ony slight difficulty was with Cptain Kirk as a Greek God, that did make me smirk a bit ( oh dear, I hope that isn't heresy!)

There is an entire thesis to be written on the parallels between Kirk as Jack and Spock as Ennis ;-).

Hope you are well,

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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2007-11-13 11:16 pm (UTC)
Oh you guys! I loved the photos. I've never seen a tree in the middle of an intersection. And I would LOVE to see the future town in Iowa (which town was it?)

you both playing ST stuff.

And I like your dreams, Ed. I'd like to try your apple pie.

and I like cheese too! :D
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 06:19 am (UTC)
Glad you liked the photos and Ed’s dreams too. (And cheese!) Hank is definitely looking forward to some of Ed’s dreams himself. Cheese, chocolate, booze and pie!

If you ever find yourself traveling through Iowa on I-80, that tree is only about 5 miles off the interstate. You just take exit 70 and head north for about half a mile and then turn left onto a road that doesn’t look much like a road at all. (If you go a little further and hit a road that looks more like a regular gravel road you've gone too far.) I think the correct road has a sign on it saying it’s not maintained, etc… The road starts to look more like a regular gravel road after a mile or two and the tree is about 4 miles down it. You can’t miss it, of course. :D

And the future birthplace of Captain James T. Kirk (and not much else :D) is in Riverside, Iowa, due south of Iowa City.
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[User Picture]From: graciesdaddy
2007-11-13 11:22 pm (UTC)

I just had to Google a few things from here.

American Gothic, Riverside, Iowa, and Mr. Maasdam's Wheel Sculpture, to name a few.

I just love how SOLID Hank & Ed are in their relationship according to your realm. It's quite amazing to me how much they have to say to each other after forty-something years. All of it hartfelt and sincere and loving.

Can't wait for the next road trip!

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 06:31 am (UTC)

Re: I just had to Google a few things from here.

Thanks! Glad you’re enjoying the trip. Hank knows his writing their story has spurred a lot of their talking. And the trip gave them more to talk about too. More than Hank ever expected. And Hank has to confess that he has been known to leave out some of the more tiresome and repetitive bickering and arguing he and Ed have been known to get into...
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[User Picture]From: samtyr
2007-11-14 01:01 am (UTC)
I just love these boys to bits. I can't wait to find out how Ed's pie baking lessons go but I'm sure that any mistakes will be eaten anyway. 0;) [Love the idea of them taste-testing assorted cheeses too!]
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 06:36 am (UTC)
Hank didn’t think about all the practicing with pie that Ed will have to do... Thanks for reminding him! He is now looking forward to all of those inevitable mistakes. :D

Hank definitely likes cheese too, although weirdly enough, he doesn’t like it melted. Ed, on the other hand, has never met a cheese he didn’t like. So far at least. (And Iris once fed them limburger cheese from Wisconsin.)
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[User Picture]From: joycedavenport
2007-11-14 04:00 pm (UTC)
Loved this. I recently discovered Kirk/Spock slash and was surprised at how familiar some of it sounded. But much as I love Kirk/Spock (Spock a little more than Kirk I have to admit) I could never love them more than Hank 'n Ed. And I could never choose between Hank and Ed. Scotty just got his future birthplace marked out in a town not far from me.

I think some of them Iowans (?) must haver been Hindu in their last birth what with all that cow worship.

Loved the expression Ed's face has 'unclenched' over the years. Oddly touching that.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 04:55 pm (UTC)
LOL! I have to admit neither Ed nor Hank is a Trekkie, but I guess that series is embedded enough in our collective psyches that even they know the key phrases. And I’m sure you have more than enough love to go around for Ed and Hank AND Kirk and Spock. I have to confess to liking Spock a little more than Kirk too. And, just between us, I’m a little more partial to Ed. (Please don’t tell Hank.)

Love that Scotty just got his future birthplace marker in a town near you. And I like the Hindu theory. (They do have a Hindu temple outside of Des Moines.) And there's Fairfield:


Ed and Hank were right in the neighborhood, but they somehow missed it... only finding out about it after their trip was over. Darn!

The unclenched was pretty literal. Ed used to grind and clench his teeth a whole lot more, but over the years he's done it less and less. Now he’s pretty much stopped altogether.
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[User Picture]From: argentine65
2007-11-14 05:22 pm (UTC)

Ed and Hank

Yeah, Ed has "been a lot more relaxed these days...
Out in public, I mean..."'N even jus' the way ya been lettin' yer self look at me...'n smile at me... almos' like we're at home... Love this whole story, thank you so much. Martha

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 05:00 pm (UTC)

Re: Ed and Hank

Thanks! And Hank sure is glad Ed's gotten so much more relaxed these days. I’m really glad you’ve come along for the trip.

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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2007-11-15 04:17 am (UTC)

Love it

Ok you had me thinking oh no a sad Ed and Hank with a little harrassment by some fool at a state park but then well you handled it perfectly in how you let life move on and I loved all of the pictures and the big cattle and the wheels are great. I love things like this. Ok I know that Apple pie used to intimade me and I had many people try and teach me to make a good pie crust but I have to admit that Martha Stewart has a receipe to make it that has not failed me and I have to say I can make a pretty mean pie now thanks to that women. My mother, Grandmother and Great grandmother could never teach me but Martha did with her book I highly recommend. As for Chocolate well "See's" chocloate in San Francisco is fabulous and "Boston Candy" from Glenn Falls New York. I know why is it called Boston Candy in Glenn falls well I have not figured that out but I had to stop and try it and see when driving through about 10 years ago and I order a pound every holiday now and boy they have the best peanut butter ribbon candy hmmmm. I love it. As for Cheese well Havart is a nice cheese and well so many but heck you have to go to Wisconcin and try the cheese houses free samples and heck how can you pass up free samples when in college that is how I survived hitting all the places with free samples still look for them whenever I can. Now booze I like all kinds but give me a Dewars scotch and I'm a happy Joe, yes there are more expensive and better things but I love this one. Yes and hershey kisses next to the bed are a good thing to keep handy. LOL Thanks for making me happy. Joe
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-15 05:07 pm (UTC)

Re: Love it

Glad Ed and Hank made you laugh, Joe. And if Hank handled that fool at that state park camp-lot alright it was because of your influence. Instead of getting really mad and yelling and making things worse he tried to rein in his temper as best he could. So, thanks! I do believe you helped save their day. And I found Martha Stewart’s pie recipe at Martha Stewart's website... so Ed can give it a try. Maybe he can surprise Betty and her mom and have a pie waiting for them. Thanks for that and for all the other suggestions too. They sound great! Hank’s heard of See’s, but he’s never tried anything from them. Thanks to Ed's dreams (and you), maybe he’ll get to.
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[User Picture]From: bronctastic
2009-12-19 07:19 pm (UTC)

Caught me with this one

Didn' see it comin'

"Dammit, Hank...
I'm a rancher not a navigator."

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