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Ed and Hank’s Thanksgivin’... (Five or six things Ed liked about… - myeyesaintblue — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Nov. 28th, 2007|09:06 am]
[music |I only wanna be with you...]

Ed and Hank’s Thanksgivin’...

(Five or six things Ed liked about Thanksgivin',
some stuff he didn't, and five things he's thankful for...)

This ended up being kind of a part 3 to the two previous parts, if only because it all happened in the same week. Only one picture though, 'cause Hank forgot the camera. (Dammit.) And not near as long between posts as Hank thought it might be 'cause he just had to find time for a post about their Thanksgiving, which was more eventful than usual. Not really written for the challenge, Hank just keeps counting stuff after the fact.

Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope. Comments: Always appreciated.

Part 1, About last night... is here:

Part 2, I only have eyes for you... is here:

Everything else is here:

Ed and Hank’s Thanksgivin’...

"Thanks fer the aspirin, Hank. 'N thanks fer startin' a fire... 'S real nice. Now get yer ass over here on the couch with me."

"Sounds good... C'mon... move over, Ed... gimme some room."

"You got plenty a room... Here... lean back on me... Yeah. Like tha'. Ow... Watch yer elbow, dumbass. Now shift this way a l'il so's ya ain't pressin' down right on top a my stomach... Thanks."

"Tha' were some Thanksgivin'..."

"Tha' whatcha call that?"

“Yep. 'N I know Betty were real grateful to ya, Ed... Seein' as how ya grabbed tha’ turkey up outta the way right as her nephew's big ol’ dog went fer it…"

“I were just in the righ' place at the righ' time."

"You okay? Tha’ turkey were huge. 'N tha' dog wanted it bad. Ya coulda ended up hurt.”

"‘M okay. It weren’t that heavy… Jus’ twisted my back a l’il when I spun ‘round with it. Turkey sure were good though.”

“Sure was. Ya wan’ me ta rub yer back fer ya?”

“Nah… ‘S fine. 'Sides... 'm too comfortable ta move. Wha' the hell kinda dog was that anyways?"

"Think it were part Great Dane 'n part horse."

"Think it musta been mostly horse."

"Wish I wouldna fergot the camera... Woulda been quite the picture... You holdin' tha' turkey 'n spinnin' in circles with tha' dog jumpin' up on ya. Looked like the two a you were dancin'."

"Damn glad ya didn' have the camera."

“'N where the hell didya ever learn tha’ Heimlich thing?”

“Jus’ saw it on TV or somethin’ I guess.”

“Real glad ya aimed Betty's uncle away from the table... the way tha’ piece a stuffin’ shot outta there...”

“Seemed like the polite thing ta do.”

“Who’d a thought stuffin’ could kill someone? Still cain't believe how fast ya did tha'. Everybody else were jus' startin' ta panic by the time you 'n him sat back down 'n started eatin' again."

"Didn' see no reason ta take my time 'bout it... seein' as he were chokin' 'n all. 'N wha' the hell else were we s'posed ta do? He were fine... So's he thanked me 'n we went back ta eatin'. Boy... Tha’ stuffin’ were real good. We should get the recipe. Ain't never had none like tha' 'fore.”

“’N who were tha’ woman on the other side a ya?”

“Think it were Betty's brother's wife's mother or somethin' like tha'.”

“It was real nice a you ta lift her head up off a her plate 'n lean her back in her chair like tha’.”

“Couldn' rightly leave her like tha'."

"Guess ya couldn'."

"Betty said she only drinks on Thanksgivin’ ‘n July 4th. Rest a the year she’s sober as a stone."

"Tha's kinda odd-like. She seemed happy 'nough 'fore she passed out though."

"Guess we all gotta cut loose sometimes..."

"It were real nice a you ta wipe tha' green bean casserole off a her face too. Imagine she ‘preciated it after she woke up."

"Like I said, couldn' rightly leave her like tha'. Ya know... Betty's a real good cook, but I gotta admit... I don' gen'rally care fer my green beans all casseroled-up like tha'..."

"She sure is a good cook, but I know whatcha mean 'bout them beans. So's... I gotta ask, Ed... how in the hell didya figure out tha’ kid were gonna erupt like tha'?”

“Saw him stuffin’ his face with them candied yams after he ate a whole buncha deviled eggs 'n whole lotta tha' dip 'fore dinner... Figured somethin’ had ta give. Kinda kept an eye on him ‘n when he got real green ‘round the gills I jus’ grabbed him ‘n ran.”

“Good thing ya ran outside with him. Don’ think ya woulda made it ta the bathroom in time. Who’d a thought one l’il kid could puke tha’ much?”

“Least-wise it quieted him down fer a while. Kinda put me off them candied yams, though."

"No s'prise there."

"'Course I don' really like my yams candied. Like my pie sweet but not my potatoes. Prefer 'em straight-up baked, like a regular potato. But them mashed potatoes 'n gravy were real good.”

"Sure were."

"Hope them bushes survive. Didn' know where else ta set him down."

"Bet they will... They looked purty hardy. So's... wha’ were the deal with Betty's cousin 'n tha’ stuffed fish he were carryin' 'round?”

“I dunno. ‘N I don’ wanna know.”

“Meant ta ask ya, Ed... 'S yer jaw okay?”

“Yeah. 'S fine. It were justa glancin’ blow... 'N it weren't really aimed at me."

“Betty said them two don' usually start fightin’ 'til a l'il later than that. She sure appreciated you pullin' ‘em apart ‘n rescuin’ tha’ pun'kin pie from the fray.”

"Didn' really think 'bout it... Jus' did it. Guess I couldn' stand ta see a good pie go ta waste like tha'."

"Even if'n it were jus' pun'kin 'n not pecan?"

"Hell... Ev'ry pie's worth savin'. 'N tha' one were real tasty."

"True 'nough. Hey... How come ya still got yer shirt on, dumbass...? C'mon Ed, take it off..."

"Like I said... 'M too comfortable ta move. 'Sides... think tha' stain's purty dried up 'n set in anyways. 'N ta think I almos' wore my fish shirt. Sure glad I didn'."

"Glad ya didn' neither. But ya shoulda let Betty try 'n take care a it right away like she offered. Ya coulda put on one a Bill's shirt's. Or tha' one fella took his off 'n were runnin' 'round outside yellin' 'bout somethin' or other... Ya coulda put his on. Don' think he woulda missed it."

"Think Betty'd done enough takin' care a things fer one day. Poor woman looked a migh' frazzled. 'N I think tha' guy were yellin' 'n carryin' on 'cause his football team won. 'N he prob'bly went lookin' fer his shirt once he started feelin' the cold."

"Don' think he were feelin' much a anythin' at the time. Purty certain he will be tomorrow mornin' though."

"True 'nough. Ya know... the team I were rootin' fer won today too... but I still managed ta keep my shirt on. Didn' really even have much of an urge ta take it off."

"Prob'bly on accounta it weren't a real close game. 'Sides... I think tha' fella were tryin' ta impress his girlfriend."

"Shit. Even I know that screamin' 'n yellin' 'n runnin' 'round drunk withou' no shirt on ain't no way ta impress a girl."

"I dunno, Ed... It sure as hell woulda impressed me if'n you had run 'round screamin' 'n yellin' withou' yer shirt on ta day."

"Yeah... but you ain't no girl, dumbass."

"Glad ya noticed."

"Hard ta miss."

"Tell ya, Ed... Betty woulda been even more frazzled if'n ya hadn' a caught her. Jeez... The way tha' cat tripped her up... both she 'n tha' cranberry sauce went flyin'."

"Cain't hardly blame the cat though... Wha' with tha' big ol' dog chasin' him. Kinda looked like them cartoons I used ta watch with Iris... The way they were runnin' in circles 'round Bill like tha'... Just one big ol' blur."

"It were lucky ya didn' have ta choose 'tween catchin' Betty 'n a pie. Bill woulda never forgiven ya if'n ya went fer the pie."

"Like ta think I still woulda caught her... Cain't be hund'erd percent sure though."

"Ya think tha' cranberry stain's gonna come out?"

"Prob'bly not. But I sure am glad it got flung at me after dinner instead a before... I liked tha' cranberry sauce a whole lot. Always like it made fresh like tha'. 'N with walnuts. 'N orange peel. Tha' were real good."

"Sure was."

"Hey, Hank... Whatcha said this yesterday... You still feelin' bad tha' we don' have a big ol' extended family of our own tha' we get ta gether with regular-like... a whole buncha brothers 'n sisters 'n nieces 'n nephews 'n cousins 'n whatnot...?"

"Nope. Not so's much anymore."

"Had a feelin' ya mighta recovered some from tha'."

"Know I can talk the paint off a wall... But even I ain't never seen nothin' like tha'... everybody talkin' 'n no one listenin'..."

"Didn' seem ta bother no one no how."

"Sure didn'... Jus' seemed like the more folks talked the louder everybody got tryin' ta be heard over everybody else even though there weren't no one payin' no one no mind."

"It woulda been kinda entertainin' ta watch... 'cept I couldn' on accounta the woman tha' had me cornered were tellin' me 'bout ev'ery meal she 'n her husband had et fer the past week. Breakfast, lunch 'n dinner. Tell ya... I think they eat too much fried food."

"Tha's nothin'... Tha' fella I were with was tellin' me 'bout his last two hernia operations... Stomach 'n groin... 'N he weren't leavin' nothin' ta my 'magination."

"You got me beat."

"So's... Told ya you didn' have nothin' ta worry 'bout, Ed... Way you were carryin' on 'bout folks maybe knowin' tha' we're a couple 'n reactin' badly 'n all..."

"Yeah... you were right alrigh'... I didn' got no cause ta worry... In fact... Don' know if'n I should tell ya this..."

"Well, ya damn well better now."

"That other uncle a Betty's... not the one who were chokin' on the stuffin'... He took me out ta the barn ta show me the horses... But it turned out it weren't the horses he wanted ta show me."

"Shit. Yer kiddin'? He didn'? Did he? You didn'...?"

"'Course I didn', dumbass. Neither did he. I think maybe he woulda tried, but there were already some other folks out there up in tha' hayloft."

"Yer kiddin'...? Who the hell were up in the hayloft?"

"Didn' 'xactly go up there ta look... Ya think I shoulda?"

"I prob'bly woulda taken a quick look..."

"Yeah... You prob'bly woulda. But alls I know is that it were one a them heterosexual couples ya hear so much about."

"So's wha'd Betty's uncle do?"

"Nothin' much. Jus' shoved his phone number inta my hand 'n told me ta call him if'n I were int'rested. Said I weren't, but he jus' said ta keep it anyways. Just in case."

"Ya don' still got it... Do ya...?"

"Didn' know wha' ta do with it so's I jus' put it in my pocket... Jus' didn' think ta throw it out yet..."

"Ya sure ya ain't... ya know... int'rested 'n all...?"

"Don' be such a dumbass, Hank. I ain't int'rested."

"Ya sure?"

"'Course 'm sure. Ta tell ya the truth... it kinda threw me fer a l'il loop... Never had no one try tha' before."

"Tha's only 'cause ya don' get out much. 'N when ya do ya kinda got this 'leave me the hell alone' look 'bout ya. Least ya used ta... Like I said before... Ya don' so much no more."

"Ya mean it's happened ta you before?"

"Ain't like we're the only queer fellas in the entire West, Ed."

"I know tha'. I guess. More like I never thought 'bout it much. But sometimes... hell... most a the time... it sure as hell seems like we are... Least-wise the only fellas like us within 'bout 200 miles... 'N tha's if'n yer talkin' north ta south... lot more 'n that if'n yer talkin' east ta west."

"Yeah... most fellas... the ones 'round our age anyways... either left long ago or they're married 'n livin' a double life or married 'n jus' plain mis'rable or maybe they live alone, but they don' let on. When ya think 'bout it... we're kinda like pioneers... 'course tha'd be the kinda pioneers nobody builds statues to... even though we ain't never been 'out' like most folks mean the word. But we did manage ta live ta gether 'n make a life fer ourselves 'n not get killed fer doin' it."

"So far."

"Ain't gonna happen, Ed."

"Still does. Still could."

"But it won't."

"'N why the hell didn' ya ever tell me before? Tha' some fellas 'round here have... ya know... made passes at ya."

"'Cause I may like ya a l'il jealous, but I don' like ya real jealous. 'N before ya ask... I didn' never neither. 'N unlike you... I'd throw them phone numbers out right away."

"Yeah... but I jus' forgot ta throw it out... You prob'bly threw 'em out right away so's tha' ya wouldn' be tempted."

"Now yer bein' the dumbass, Ed."

"Guess I am... Jeez... Tha' were some Thanksgivin'."

"Sure was, Ed."

"Prob'bly coulda been worse. Ain't 'xactly sure how. But it prob'bly coulda been. "

"Well... Guess tha' fella coulda really choked on tha' stuffin' 'n tha' woman coulda drowned in her green bean casserole 'n tha' dog coulda got the turkey 'n tha' kid coulda puked all over the table 'n Betty coulda broke her leg fallin' 'n tha' pie coulda been lost in the fight 'n you 'n Betty's uncle coulda... uh... nevermind..."

“So's... whaddya say we stay home next year…? Jus’ the two of us..."

“’S a date, Ed. 'Course yer gonna hafta be the one ta tell Betty. Now tha' ya done went 'n saved this Thanksgivin' fer her I doubt she'll let us off the hook too easy fer next year."

"Shit. Guess I shoulda least-wise let tha' dog get tha' turkey."

ring... ring...

"I'll get it, Ed..."

"Dammit... Don' pick it up Hank. I already talked ta Iris 'n my sister. Ain't no one else I'd wanna talk to tonigh'."

"'S Bill... I better get it... Hey, Bill... Wha'? No... Told ya, ya don' gotta come in tomorrow... Wha'...? No... Ya ain't hearin' what 'm sayin'... Wait a minute. I think I get it. Buncha Betty's family are stayin' over, ain't they?... Okay, here goes, dammit Bill, I don' care if'n tomorrow is the day after Thanksgivin', the work's still gotta get done. Tha' north fence is down 'n them cattle are runnin' all over hell 'n back. So's you damn well better get yer ass over here as early as ya can. Maybe earlier. How was tha'?... Can ya talk now?... Good... Not too early though... 'N wha' 'bout Betty?... Too bad... Right nice a her, though... Hey, if'n ya think a it, why dontcha pick up some donuts on yer way? Still kinda a holiday after all... Yeah... Tha'd be good too... Okay... See ya tomorrow."

"Sounds like Bill's comin' over tomorrow..."

"Yep. Ya don' mind, do ya? He sounded purty desp'rate 'n all. Some a Betty's family's latched onta him purty tight 'n they gotta bad habit a not takin' 'no' fer an answer. Betty told him ta save his self if'n he could."

"I don' mind. So's Betty ain't comin' with him?"

"Nope. Ain't no escape fer her."

"Guess she's used ta it by now."

"Ya really think tha's poss'ble?"


"'M thinkin' maybe some a her relatives got some a them pioneer ancestors too."

"Prob'bly a whole lotta of 'em do."

"Ya wan' me ta put some music on, Ed?"

"Yer kiddin' righ'? Ya wanna listen ta more racket after all tha' racket ta day...? Dontcha think a l'il peace 'n quiet would be nice? 'Sides... I still got a headache."

"Music ain't 'racket'. But I fergot 'bout yer headache, so's peace 'n quiet it is."

"If'n ya wan' music, I'll be glad ta sing fer ya... lean yer head back justa l'il more so's I can sing real quiet-like in yer ear..."

"Sounds good ta me, Ed..."

"Show me the way ta go home... 'M tired and I wanna go ta bed... I had enough a them folks a couple a hours ago 'n I got a real sore head... Everywhere we roam... be it jus' ta the neighbor's or campin' on them pads a foam... You can always hear me singin' this song... Show me the way ta go home."

"You are home, dumbass."

"'N 'm damn thankful fer tha'."

"Yeah... Me too, Ed... Me too."

"'N I think them dogs are real thankful tha' you ain't singin' ta nigh' fer a change."

"Gotta admit... They do look kinda relieved..."

"'N 'm thankful fer you... ya know... not bein' a girl 'n all."

"Me too, Ed... fer you... not bein' a girl 'n all neither."

"Love ya, dumbass."

"Love you too, Ed.

"Ain't how it works Hank... I said, 'Love ya, dumbass' so's yer s'posed ta say, 'Love you too, dumbass'. You sayin', 'Love you too, Ed' makes me feel bad that I didn' say, 'Love ya, Hank."

"Didn' know there were rules to it. They writ down somewheres? If'n they are, I didn' get the memo."

"'S a whole buncha rules... Guess I'll jus' hafta write 'em all down fer ya tomorrow."

"So's... cain't ya jus' say, 'Love ya, Hank', now? Won' tha' put things right again?"

"Fine. Love ya, Hank."

"Love you too, dumbass."

"Beginnin' ta be thankful that I didn' throw out tha' phone number yet."

"Jus' tryin' ta even things out so's ya don' feel bad no more. 'N ya damn well better throw out tha' number. Where the hell is it anyways? I'll be more than happy ta throw it out for ya. Hell... Ya prob'bly got it memorized... Fella only lives in the next town over so's he's prob'bly in the phone book... Don' think I won' be checkin' the phone bill..."

"Did I mention that 'm thankful tha' yer such a dumbass?"

"Don' think so."

"Consider it mentioned. Now... how 'bout we shut the hell up 'n take ourselves a nice l'il nap?"

"Good idea."

A while later

"Mmmmmph.... Hank...?"

"'N 'xactly who else d'ya think it'd be...?"

"Watcha doin'...?"

"Lookin' in yer pocket fer tha' piece a paper with tha' fella's number on it..."

"You thinkin' a callin' him yer self?"

"Would if'n I could find it... 'N I'd tell him ta stay the hell away from ya... But I cain't find it."

"Ya cain't, huh? Coulda swore tha's the pocket I put it in... Maybe ya jus' better keep lookin'."

"I intend to..."

"Yep... 'M definitely thankful I didn' throw tha' fella's phone number out..."

"Still cain't find tha' phone number... But I did find somethin' else kinda interestin'..."

"Ya did, huh?"

"Yep. You still got a headache?"


"You still tired?"


"Yer stomach feelin' okay?"


"Ya wanna stay here or go upstairs?"

"Did I mention how thankful I am fer our big ol' comfy bed...?"

"Upstairs it is... C'mon, Ed..."

A couple of minutes later...


"Knew ya couldn' resist puttin' music on..."

"Ya ain't got a headache no more, righ'?"

"Nope... But I got a weird feelin' it's gonna be comin' back shortly..."

"Jus' wanted ta remind ya of a few things..."

"Ain't like I'd ever forget. Now c'mon over here, dumbass..."

"And there ain't no way I'm lettin' you go now... And there ain't no way and there ain't no how... I'll never see that day..."

"'N there go the dogs..."

"'Cause I'm keepin' you ferever 'n fer always... We will be together all of our days... I wanna wake up ev'ry mornin' ta yer sweet face... always..."

“Think if’n ya wanna wake up ev'ry mornin' ta my sweet face yer gonna hafta start wakin' up earlier 'cause my sweet face is gen'rally hard at work by the time you drag yer self outta bed.”

“Don’ think ya gotta take ev’ry single word of the song so literal-like.”

“Then ya prob’bly don’ think my face is so sweet neither… Wouldn' blame ya... I weren't so sweet yesterday.”

“Or this mornin'. But most days yer purty sweet. Sweet 'nough anyways. 'N I think yer face is real sweet even when you ain't. 'N I told ya a while ago I think yer cheeks are sweet. Though ta be honest I were referrin' ta diff'rent cheeks. ‘N I think yer mouth is sweet. ‘N yer tongue’s damn sweet 'n..."


"Hold on... I ain't near done yet... 'N ya got sweet eyes 'n sweet ears 'n... Ya ain't gonna get hungry on me again, are ya... wha' with all this sweet talk...? 'N a sweet nose... 'n a real sweet..."



"Think we're wastin' some a tha' ferever 'n always'... How ‘bout we jus’ say we're both damn sweet from our heads ta our toes 'n be done with it…?"

"Guess I could stipulate ta that 'n move on... 'Course... techn'cally... yer the one tha' started it... So's..."

"C’mere, dumbass…”


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From: carol1943
2007-11-28 06:55 pm (UTC)
Sounded like a normal family Thanksgiving to me...

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 07:58 pm (UTC)
Hope you've recovered!

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From: mazaher
2007-11-28 07:05 pm (UTC)


...or whatever else Douglas Coupland named the caged feeling of finding oneself trapped into a room with much too many friends-and-relations. Bill has caught it, and he has my utter sympathy. How Ed managed to escape relatively unscathed is a mystery to me, all the more so as he seems to have been the hero of the day. Wow!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 08:04 pm (UTC)

Re: Rabbititis!

LOL! "Rabbititis" sounds like a perfect description to me. Bill recovered nicely after spending Friday just hanging around with Ed and Hank, watching a few movies and drinking a few beers.

I'm not sure how Ed managed to escape relatively unscathed either... my theory is that there was enough food (and drink) around to keep him sufficiently distracted.
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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2007-11-28 07:53 pm (UTC)
WOW I wish I had been at that Thanksgiving feast. Ours was boring compared to this. SO Ed saved the day!

I bet Betty is gonna want them back again next year.

What are they doing for Xmas? They can come here if they want :D

how romantic, Ed singing into Hanks ear.

lovely, just lovely
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 08:22 pm (UTC)
Ed and Hank (well Ed at least) gladly would have traded places with you.

Hank would have preferred that Ed sang a more romantic song in his ear, but he'll take what he can get. (And it doesn't really matter what Ed's whispering/singing in his ear, as long as he is.)

Thanks for the invitation! Don't know if this is a direct result of Thanksgiving, but Ed's mentioned that maybe he and Hank could go camping over Christmas... Somewhere kinda remote and off by themselves. Hank doesn't particularly like winter camping, so he's voting for going to your house. :D

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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2007-11-29 08:42 pm (UTC)
LOL okay they can come here. I'm in VA :D

Well now it depends, if they can get a cabin they can camp out in the wilderness, keep each other warm. Ed can find other songs to whisper into Hank's ear :D

but I will keep a light burning in the window for them :D
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-30 05:06 am (UTC)
Virginia, huh? That's a long, long way away. Ed and Hank have never been further east than visiting Iris in Chicago. Although Hank would definitely like to go.

Hank loves your idea of a cabin, but Ed is so cheap I don't know if Hank will be able to convince him to spend the money. Oh well, I guess they'll still be able to keep each other warm in the back of their truck. (And Ed damn well better sing in Hank's ear.)

Thanks for keeping the light burning! You never know who might show up on your doorstep...
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[User Picture]From: samtyr
2007-11-28 10:37 pm (UTC)
Sounds like they had a real old-fashioned Thanksgiving. Heeee! And I loved the little improv song by Ed, that was so sweet. :) I can't wait to see what happens at Christmas now. ;)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 08:26 pm (UTC)
I have to admit, poor Ed is really hoping NOTHING happens at Christmas. But I'm glad you enjoyed Thanksgiving!
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[User Picture]From: eandj
2007-11-28 10:54 pm (UTC)
"Prob'bly coulda been worse. Ain't 'xactly sure how. But it prob'bly coulda been." ---sooo funny

or this

"Jus' seemed like the more folks talked the louder everybody got tryin' ta be heard over everybody else even though there weren't no one payin' no one no mind."

seems like home to me

'N there go the dogs..."

did I tell you recently that I love your writing?
Well if not- I love your writing.


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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 09:13 pm (UTC)
So glad you enjoyed Ed and Hank's Thanksgiving! Wish Ed could say the same, although he did like most of the food.

I can't take credit for the writing though. Neither can Hank really. He used to try to write descriptively, but he hasn't done anything but write down some of their conversations for quite a while now. (Truth be told, Hank's kinda lazy.)
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[User Picture]From: torry28
2007-11-28 10:59 pm (UTC)
My Dear Friends,
Right now I'm reading and laughing so much my husband is about to lock me up in a round room, well at leased he can't corner me there. I no, a has been joke. This has got to be the funniest Thanksgiving ever, but what is more so that it actually could happen. One of my Thanksgivings was a total disaster,folks coming from out of town. Every one hit with the flue bug. I was up most of the night preparing food, cleaning house, just all the normal last minute rushes after working 10 hour shifts to be able to have a long weekend. Well so much for good intentions and hope. It flew out the window as soon as relations and friends arrived. All my beautiful food went down the garbage bin. Nobody able to eat anything just reliving them self from both ends, by now the plumbing backing up.
After 24hours of total chaos every one finally headed home. Husband escaped with his brother to Vegas. I was left with not only a huge mess to clean up but inherited the bug which knocked me for a loop. I only had strength left to feed the dog not able to look at his chow without chucking up what I didn't have left in my stomach. I slept through the rest of the week. To exhausted to waste time hating my old man for leaving me to suffer alone.It would have been lovely to had have Hank and Ed at least to read about. But I believe it was before there time. I'm so grateful to have found them and you in my life.
Sorry I don't know what gets in to me some times, your boys just manage to pull things out of me I normally would not tell a soul, thanks for letting me vent and thanks for all of you.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 10:59 pm (UTC)
OMG! I think you've got Ed and Hank beat for most disastrous Thanksgiving EVER. How heartbreaking to have to throw out all that food you slaved over.

And talk about adding insult to injury... I can't believe you ended up getting sick too while your husband ended up unscathed and taking off for Vegas. But I'm sure the dog was really grateful that you mustered the energy to feed him.

Ed says to tell you that he feels much better about their Thanksgiving now after hearing your story. And we all say to feel free to vent anytime. It's a favorite past time around here.

Glad their Thanksgiving made you laugh!

P.S. Ed and Hank and I love old jokes. They're the best kind 'cause they're tried and true.
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[User Picture]From: lalaynia
2007-11-29 03:35 am (UTC)
Hiya, 'Blue!!

I can sympathize with hank, Ed, Bill and Betty. For the first time in about 11 years I didn't have to cook. We went to My Big Fat Greek Thanksgiving at hubby's Aunt's house, where their dog ran away and it was dear had been hit by a car. (He was found unhit.) Auntie and Uncle were obviously "unhappy" with each other, making comments back and forth when they thought no one could hear, which was pretty much all the time since everyone was talking at once, loudly. Then the cousins came in, the talk turned to gastric bypasses (which was hilarious given the amount and type of food served, both traditional and Greek dishes, including baklava!) and why was the daughter wearing makeup that made her look linke anything but the "Angel" her name was, then the hawk vs. dove conversation began...! After all this, air hockey was a fun diversion, but get this ( ans tell Ed to sit down):


Two kinds of cheesecake, regular cake, ice cream, baklava, cookies (that I made)- but no pumpkin pie, or pecan pie, or ANYTHING.

NO PIE!!!!

I was appalled. I guess I have to cook next year. ;D Pie, at least.

I'm still awful thankful for Ed and Hank, and Betty and Bill, and the dogs and horses and all, and for Ed being a hero, and for Ed singin' this time (but I have the "College Lyrics", I'll add below) so the dogs'ears aren't hurt, and for that scrap of paper being lost, and for "Dumbass Rules", but most especially for 'Blue, and the laughs and warmheartedness her writing brings. Love you, Dumbass.



* "College Lyrics" to Show Me the Way to Go Home, as taught to me by a family friend:

Indicate the way to my abode
I'm fatigued and I wish to retire
I had a Cuba Libre sixty minutes ago
And it went right to my cerebellum
Wherever I may perambulate
Over land or sea or atmospheric vapor
You can always hear me
Chanting this melody
Indicate the way to my abode.

:grin: Ain't I smrt? S-M-R-T!
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[User Picture]From: lalaynia
2007-11-29 03:37 am (UTC)
It was not dear, it was FEARED.

Lack of pie affects typing ability- did you know that?
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-29 11:28 pm (UTC)
NO PIE?!!? How is that possible?!?

(Actually, truth be told, if a piece of pie and piece of baklava were sitting in front of Ed he'd have a hard time choosing and would just have to eat both. Hank and I love it too. Yumm!)

And at least you didn't have to cook... (Although I bet your cookies were delicious.)

I do believe Ed would have been willing to sit through the bickering and everything else, just to eat all that tasty Greek food. And everything else in sight too.

LOL - Love the college version of that song too! Although them are some mighty fancy words. Ed has taken a shine to the word 'perambulatin' and has been trying to work it into a sentence whenever he can, which is more often than one might think. Needless to say, he's starting to annoy the hell outta the rest of us. :D

P.S. So glad the dog was found safe and sound!

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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2007-11-29 04:43 am (UTC)

I vote for a statute

I vote for a statute of Ed and Hank to be erected for proving to the world that a couple of dumbasses can make the world a much better place. I really loved the Thanksgiving and all of the mishaps and still a good day after all. I ended up cooking all day Wednesday and then Thursday had to leave to go to my families home for a funeral. Yeah sounds sad but well let me tell you I think my Uncle died for a reason to bring all of his family together for a great holiday. By the time I arrived 3 hours from here at my parents all of my fathers 12 brothers and their wives had arrived and well most of my 68 cousins arrived and let's just say we all enjoyed a huge family day that was unexpected and a great day. Yes the next two days were sad with the funeral and all but families are wonderful and it was a great time to see each other. No mishaps at all my Mother is like Martha Stewart with all the last minute plans she through a perfect meal for over a 100 together in a few hours, lord knows how she does it but she did it. God bless the two of you and thank you for some great memories of Thanksgiving. I love pecan pie also. Joe
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-30 12:06 am (UTC)

Re: I vote for a statute

So sorry to hear about your Uncle dying, but I'm glad your family ended up having a wonderful, if unexpected, reunion. Your family sounds amazing. (And huge!) And your Mother sounds incredible. Ed and Hank both come from very small families and Ed doesn't see his sister too often 'cause they live so far away. Sometimes Hank would really like to have a whole buncha relatives that would come over and wreak a little havoc. Ed not so much.

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[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2007-11-29 04:46 am (UTC)
awwww, these guys are so *Huggable*!!!!

We had a quiet Thanksgiving: just me, husband, daughter and Bel -- and here, just for Ed and Hank and 'Blue (and assorted readers):

The Deliciously Healthy Pumpkin Cream Pie

One pre-baked deep-dish pie crust or graham cracker crumb crust (maybe Betty would be kind enough to supply this!)

4 oz low fat cream cheese, softened

8 oz (half a can/one cup) canned pumpkin

1 lg box or 2 small boxes of sugar-free/fat-free instant pudding (I like to use white chocolate, myself, but vanilla or regular chocolate works, too)

2-1/2 cups low-fat milk

1 tablespoon of pumpkin spice (pre-packaged or your favorite blend of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, etc.)

Blend canned pumpkin and cream cheese in a large bowl until smooth, no (or tiny) lumps of cream cheese noticeable. Add milk, spices and instant pudding. Mix quickly, pour into pie shell and refrigerate for at least one hour (preferably 3).

Serve with low-fat whipped cream or Kool whipp.

My dad, who is diabetic and on high blood-pressure medication LOVES this pie -- claims it tastes totally sinful and UN-Healthy.

I'd bet even the Shark could make this pie if Betty prepared the crust ahead of time!

Much love to Ed, Hank, 'Blue, Betty and Bill!

-Mary/Dances With Chows
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-30 12:24 am (UTC)
Now that's the kind of Thanksgiving Ed would have liked... Quiet! And peaceful too.

Thanks for the recipe... It does look easy enough for the Shark to make. (No matter which one is being the Shark at the time...) And it looks real tasty too. I bet one of us could at least manage a graham cracker crust. Can't wait to give it a try.


P.S. We all gotta smile every time we see that "Dances with Chows". :D
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From: animas1
2007-11-29 07:35 am (UTC)
Another hilariously funny and wonderfully affectionate vignette of Hank and Ed's life. I was laughing so hard, one of my cats bolted vertically from a sound sleep, popped that clutch and high-tailed it out of the room. I really enjoy the very real and grounded sense of their life together that your writing provides. Somehow, the stories about their travels and now the holidays have a particularly healing intimacy about them. Feels like maybe this is how it would have been for Jack and Ennis if they had returned to that crossroads and taken the other turn instead.
Thank you for such lovely writing, Animas
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-30 03:12 am (UTC)
LOL - Poor cat! Sounds like Edthedog and Hankthedog when Hank starts singing. Glad it made you laugh, but sorry it ended up scaring one of your cats. And thanks, I'm really glad you're enjoying their story. That is so nice of you to say about Ed and Hank. And Hank does like to think this is how it could be for Jack and Ennis too.

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From: ellenlj
2007-11-29 02:05 pm (UTC)

lost in the shuffle

love how Ed finds that family mishap trumps all other considerations - like a same sex couple at the table

and Ed being hero of the day and getting hit on... wonderful!

thnk you

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-30 04:11 am (UTC)

Re: lost in the shuffle

Thanks! Ed is finally finding out that there are some advantages to being lost in the crowd now and again.

And I do think if some guy had hit on Ed a few years ago it would have completely thrown him for a loop, but now I think he might of been a little flattered by it. (Even though he'd never admit it.)

Ed still refuses to take any credit for saving the day, insisting that he was only in the right place at the right time (repeatedly). Or would that be the wrong place at the wrong time?
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[User Picture]From: argentine65
2007-11-29 05:06 pm (UTC)

Ed and Hank

Blue: "Jeez... Tha' were some Thanksgivin'." after reading all this I am glad in my country we don't have Thanksgiving. But anyway we have other gettogethers and I don't have an hero like Ed. Thank you so much for make my day. Martha
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2007-11-30 04:19 am (UTC)

Re: Ed and Hank

Hey there, I'm so glad you liked it! Ed and Hank had never been to a Thanksgiving dinner quite like that before. Most of theirs are usually pretty quiet and uneventful and downright boring. Like Ed hopes next year is going to be. :D
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