"'N then I thought you could watch the place
while Bill ‘n I go campin’ ‘n get some quality alone time ta gether…”
“Ya ain’t heard a word I said…”
“You okay…? Ya seem a l’il outta sorts or somethin’.”
“’M okay… ‘S jus’ tha’ this whole trip’s
takin’ a lot longer ta write 'bout than I thought it would…
Figured I’d be long done with it by now.”
“Wha’s yer hurry?”
“Didn’ think there were none…
But now tha’ yer plannin’ ta try ‘n get me killed...
wha’ with wantin’ ta go winter campin’ somewheres real remote-like
over Christmas… 'm jus' wishin' I had finished it up 'n all...
But I still got a fair ways ta go..."
“Ain’t gonna get ya killed.”
"Most likely gonna die of exposure..."
“Definitely gonna be some ‘xposure involved…
but ya ain’t died from it yet…”
“You'll be sorry when it freezes 'n falls off..."
"I sure as hell will be."
"Then maybe we shouldn' go...
Wouldn' wanna take the chance 'n all..."
“'N here I thought ya’d like ta go.
Hell… ya always wanna go somewheres…”
migh’ be nice."
“Yeah, but everybody ‘n their brother heads south this time a year.
I wanna go somewheres where we can be
off all by ourselves…”
"Jeez... We ain't been winter campin'
since tha' was our only way a bein' able ta get ta gether 'n all.
'N I don' see no reason ta start up again now.”
"C'mon, Hank... it'll be like old times..."
"What if’n I jus’ promised real nice-like
that I wouldn’ make ya go ta no more holiday dinners?
Would ya not try 'n kill me then?”
"Ain't tryin' ta kill ya."
"Ya absolutely sure 'bout tha'?"
"Purty sure, anyways...
But the more I think 'bout it the better
it's beginnin' ta sound."
"Thanks a lot..."
"So's now even though there's
a whole buncha other stuff I still wanna write 'bout
'm thinkin' that I better write 'bout Howard 'cause I promised him
I'd put him in our story on the internet 'n here it is more 'n six months later
'n I ain't done it yet... 'N if'n I don' do it now I migh' not
get the chance wha' with you plannin' on
killin' me 'n all."
Who the hell
"Tha's right... You two were never properly introduced...
Howard were tha' fella on tha' book tour...
From the first leg of our trip that
I didn' write 'bout yet."
""Why'd ya skip all that anyways?"
"'Cause I didn' know
we were goin' tha' way ta begin with
'N someone guessed we were goin' tha' way
'n I said "Good guess, but no we weren't goin' tha' way"
'cause I thought we weren't goin' tha' way
but then we ended up goin' tha' way
'cause the weather were real bad
the way we were origin'lly
"Jus' ferget I asked."
"So's... we ended up goin' tha' way..."
"Think ya said tha' already."
"'N anyways... I were
real eager ta write 'bout the coast
'cause tha' were the first place we'd ever been
tha' weren't anythin' like anywheres else we'd ever been.
'Sides... you were jus' bitchin' most a the way
'til we got ta the coast anyways
so there weren't tha' much
ta write about."
"I was not bitchin'."
"Ya were so.
Ya bitched all the way 'cross Nevada, Ed..."
"Did not. I distinctly remember
havin' some fun takin' pictures a tha' road while you were drivin'.
You got them pictures on yer computer...?"
"Lemme see 'em..."
"Hold on a sec...
Here they are... Ya did get some good pictures, Ed..."
"'N I liked it in particular when
there weren't no lines on tha' road."
"Yeah... Tha' were real weird.
Sure glad it weren't nighttime though."
"Lucky there weren't no one else out there...
Seein' as how ya couldn' figure out wha' side ta stay on
'n you were drivin' down the middle a tha' road
fer a while there..."
"Ya know damn well I only did tha' so's you could get
a better picture, dumbass."
"Don' know no such thing."
"Well... Ya sure gotta admit ya bitched
'bout stoppin' in Rachel."
"Weren't no reason ta stop in Rachel.
'N I think they were exaggeratin' 'bout them 98 humans...""Was so a reason...
Had ta stop at tha' Little A'le'Inn."
"Been there before.
Knew there weren't no reason ta stop there again."
"Yeah there were.
'S always fun ta stop there."
"You just enjoy flirtin' with the bartender."
"Weren't flirtin'. Jus' talkin'. 'Sides...
After two bad husbands she done found herself a cowboy
'n she were right happy 'bout tha'."
"How the hell do ya find out tha' much in five minutes?"
"Found out a whole lot more 'n tha'."
"'N ya sure as hell didn' wanna stop fer Howard...
Had ta make ya turn 'round 'n go back."
"Gotta admit I didn' wanna stop.
Thought he migh' be crazy or somethin'."
"Howard weren't crazy. Eccentric maybe, but not crazy.
'N eccentric is good. This here world could use more eccentric folks.
'N it don' look it in the pictures... but remember how cold it were tha' day?
Wind blowin' so strong... Wouldna been righ' not ta stop
'n see if'n he were okay."
"It were freezin' tha' day...
Kinda s'prisin' considerin' it were June in the desert...
It were prob'bly broilin' hot the next."
"Think tha's more what Howard were 'xpectin'."
"Cain't believe he were on a book promotin' tour."
"Yeah. Think he said he were walkin' clear 'cross Nevada...
Ya sure gotta admire his determination."
"Wha' were the name a his book...?"
"'Quicksilver Key' were the one he were promotin'.
'The Last Grand Adventure' were his first.
'N his last name were West...
"Uh... Did ya ever tell him 'bout us...?
What if'n he sees himself in yer story 'n he don wanna be in it no more...
you know... on accounta us bein' queer 'n all...?"
"I didn' get a chance ta tell him 'bout us... but I don' think he'd mind...
'N I guess if'n he did he could jus' comment anonymously
'n then I'd take the part 'bout him out."
"If it's anonymous, how the hell wouldya know
that it's really him?"
"I could ask him the name a his donkey..."
"I remember... It were 'Bluebird'...
Thought tha' were a real nice name fer a donkey."
"Guess I'll just hafta ask him somethin' else now...
seein' as ya jus' went 'n said the donkey's name, dumbass."
"Ya don' gotta write down
ev'ry single word I say, dumbass."
"Yeah, I do."
"'N what if'n I do end up gettin' ya killed campin'...?
Ya won' be alive ta know if'n he don' wanna be in the story."
"Shit. I hadn' thought a tha'.
Maybe I'll leave instructions fer Iris... with my password...
Like an envelope sayin' only open in case
Ed ends up killin' me..."
"But ya love me anyways, dontcha?"
"Yeah... Jus' cain't seem ta help m'self."
"By the way...
I remember ya bitchin' in the beautiful resort town a Tonopah too...
'Bout the price a gas as I recall."
"And the truck gettin' sandblasted 'cause a tha' goddamn wind.
We got blasted with all tha' shit the whole damn day.
S'prised ya couldn' see it flyin' through the air...
Pitted the windshield but good
'n tha' ticked me off."
"Yeah... Gotta admit... Tha' ticked me off too."
"Tha' wind were somethin' else..."
"'N after tha'...
ya bitched all 'round Lake Tahoe..."
We only drove 'round half of it..."
"We were real lucky we got there
'fore a lotta it burnt up a few weeks later..."
"Tha' were too bad."
"Yeah... them fires were' real bad this year."
"Don' remind me...
They came a l'il too close ta home too."
"Yeah. Tha' weren't good."
"'N I didn' bitch that much.
Tha' lake were really purty 'n all...
Jus' way too many folks 'round fer my taste."
"Summer season weren't even started yet.
'N ya gotta admit I kept ya away from folks most a the time, anyways.
Jus' like I did at the coast 'n everywheres else."
"Yeah. I guess. Above 'em anyways...
Most a the time..."
"Think the higher up ya got
the bluer tha' lake got."
"Did seem tha' way."
"'N there weren't no one 'round them l'il lakes we walked to...
Prob'bly 'cause we went real early-like."
"Yeah. They were real purty... 'Specially tha' second one.
Couldn' believe we had tha' place all to ourselves
fer over an hour... Almos' two, maybe..."
"'N I found us a nice secluded spot
so's that I could steal a kiss or two..."
"Think I gave up a couple a them withou'
too much of a fight."
"Tell ya... ain't never seen
pine cones tha' big before in m' life...
They were purty interestin'."
"Lucky there weren't no one 'round...
Way you were carryin' on with them things..."
"Don' know wha' yer talkin' 'bout."
"Yeah. Sure ya don', dumbass..."
"Gotta admit... It did get a l'il crazier
durin' the middle a the day..."
"Yep... Lots a boats 'n folks ev'rywhere...
'N all tha' construction didn' help neither..."
"So's... How many pictures
a them workers do ya got, Hank?"
"Not tha' many...
Justa few more 'sides these two..."
"Know you were jus' tryin' ta irritate me."
"Why the hell would I try 'n irritate someone
who was spendin' most a his time already bein' irritated
withou' no help from me?"
"Prob'bly irritated them too."
"Imagine they seen a lot worse than me."
"'N I still managed ta get ya 'way from folks
in the middle a the day too...
"Tha' were a good idea you had...
Parkin' the truck 'n walkin' down inta tha'
park tha' was closed."
"Wha'd ya say, Ed...?
I didn' quite hear ya... Would ya mind repeatin' tha'...?
Think it were somethin' or other 'bout me
havin' a real good idea..."
"'Course it were prob'bly closed
on accounta the plague or the hanta virus
or somethin' like tha'...."
"Who the hell cares why it were closed...?
Least-wise we were alone 'n the walk down there was real nice
'n the views were real purty..."
"Yep. Them were some real good views...
Don' make no sense at all that it were closed."
"Glad it was though."
"Yeah. Me too."
"Quieted down real good later 'n the day too."
"Sure did. Tha' was nice, Hank..."
"Guess all them folks docked their boats
'n went back ta gamblin'."
"Yeah. But still... I gotta admit...
Tha' whole area's jus' too built up fer me.
'N I couldn' believe the cost a pitchin' a tent."
"Been a place fer vacationin' 'n skiin'
'n gamblin' fer a long time."
Least-wise ya didn' make me go gamblin'.
Cain't abide gamblin'."
"Yer soundin' like a prude, Ed."
"Ain't no prude... 'M cheap.
'N I jus' don' see the fun in losin' money."
"Ya musta liked tha' Lassen Volcano though...
Don' recall ya bitchin' much when we drove through there."
"Tha's 'cause there weren't hardly no one there..."
"Prob'bly 'cause it were still kinda cold 'n snowy."
"But it were real purty too."
"All them pictures a snow... Brrrr... Tha' reminds me...
Still wish I could finish writin' 'bout the trip
'fore ya get me killed 'n all..."
"Ya don' really...? I mean... If'n yer really worried 'bout...
If'n ya really don' wanna go campin', Hank...
We don' gotta go..."
"Nah... I ain't really tha' worried 'bout it... 'Sides...
I'm the one tha' drug you all over hell 'n back this summer...
'N I drug ya ta tha' Thanksgivin' dinner at Betty's.
So's it's only fair we do what you
wanna do now."
"Jus' wouldn' wanna make ya go if'n yer gettin' one a them
strong feelin's 'bout it 'n all..."
"'M just playin' it up some..."
"Yeah. 'N besides...
I 'magine there's worse ways ta go than
freezin' ta death in yer arms..."
"Ain't no way you'd ever freeze ta death
with me holdin' onta ya."
"Is that a promise?"
"Sure is. Ya wanna give it a test run?
Been real cold out... too cold ta have the window open...
So's how 'bout we close the heat vents up here
'n throw the windows open 'n see if'n
I can keep ya from dyin'
"Ya think ya can warm me up real good, huh...?"
"I'll give it my best shot."
"You go right ahead..."
"'N I wanna put the music on fer a change..."
"'Hot night in the country', huh?"
"Yep. Thought a l'il 'xtra insp'ration migh' help..."
"Jus' gotta change some a them pronouns."
Now c'mon over here, Hank."
"Damn... Okay, Ed...
'M convinced you can keep me warm...
Hot even... Jeez..."
"Told ya so."
"Now... How ya gonna keep all them bears away?"
"I could fight off a bear fer ya no problem."
"Black bear, maybe...
But wha' 'bout a big ol' grizzly bear?"
"Pack a hungry wolves?"
"Ev'ry man fer his self."