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Ed and Hank Now play in'... Note: Apologies to anyone… - myeyesaintblue — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Jul. 20th, 2008|01:39 am]
Ed and Hank

Now playin'...

Note: Apologies to anyone waiting for the road trip continuation. This still ain't it.

Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.

Everything else is here:


"Hey, Hank...?"


"Bill called 'n said he 'n Betty are goin' to tha' Batman movie tonigh'... 'n he were wonderin' if'n we wanted ta go with 'em... 'n I told him we couldn' make it 'cause I didn' think ya wanted ta see it... but if'n ya do wanna go... lemme know 'n I'll call Bill back 'n tell him we'll go..."

"Thanks, Ed... 'N yeah... I jus' don't think I can go see tha' movie... not right now anyways... I know Heath Ledger's s'posed ta be real good in it... but... 's all jus' so damn sad ta me yet... Don't let me stop you from goin' though... if'n you wanna go with Bill 'n Betty... you go right ahead..."

"Nah... I don't need ta go... How 'bout we jus' watch a movie here instead...?"

"Sounds good ta me. I kinda feel like watchin' a real stupid comedy..."

"There's a surprise."

"So's... 'How'd you like ta earn $14 the hard way'?"

"'Caddyshack'...? C'mon, Hank... Tell me yer kiddin'...?"

"Wha'...? Too low-brow fer a refined gentleman-cowboy such as yer self...?"

"Belch... Yep."

"Think yer funny, dontcha?"

"Yep. But I still don't wanna watch 'Caddyshack'."

"How 'bout one a them Monty Python movies...? 'The Holy Grail' maybe...?"

"No thanks. Last thing I need is you fartin' in my gen'ral direction all night."

"How 'bout 'The Life of Brian' then...?"

"Nah... Tha' one's jus' bound ta get ya rantin' 'bout bible thumpers."

"No it won't... 'Some things in life are bad... They can really make you mad... Other things jus' make you swear and curse... When yer chewin' on life's gristle don't grumble, give a whistle... 'n this'll help things turn out fer the best... always look on the bright side a life... always look on the light side of life... If life seems jolly rotten there's somethin' you've forgotten... 'n tha's ta laugh 'n smile 'n dance 'n sing... when yer feelin' in the dumps don't be silly chumps... jus' purse yer lips 'n whistle... tha's the thing... Fer life is quite absurd 'n death's the final word... You must always face the curtain with a bow... Forget about yer sin... give the audience a grin'..."

"And it gets ya singin'... Tha's reason enough not ta watch it righ' there..."

"Okay, okay... I'll stop."

"'N weren't they singin' tha' while they were hangin' on them crosses...?"

"Tha's wha' makes it so funny, dumbass."

"If'n you say so."

"How 'bout 'Dr. Strangelove'...? 'You cain't fight in here... this is the war room!'"

"Nah... Tha's too much like a documentary these days... 'Sides... it'll jus' get ya rantin' 'bout the gover'ment."

"True 'nough. How 'bout 'Airplane!' then...? Surely ya wouldn' mind watchin' 'Airplane!'...?"

"Nah... I don't think I'm in the mood fer that one neither, Hank."

"Fine... Be that way. But surely yer fergettin' somethin'...?"

"Don't think so."

"Surely you can find it somewheres in yer big ol' humorless heart ta humor me...?"

"'N stop callin' me Shirley."

"Close enough."

"Ya know... I don't think I woulda pined fer ya near so much after tha' first summer if'n I'd a knowed wha' kinda dumbass movies 'n music you liked..."

"So's... if'n yer such a connoisseur a fine films... how 'bout you pick a movie then...?"

"Ya know damn well I'd jus' pick a western."

"Okay. A western it is... How 'bout 'Johnny Guitar'...?"


"C'mon, Ed... 'Johnny Guitar' is a classic..."

"You said you wanted a comedy... That ain't no comedy."

"Sure it is... unintended maybe... but it's damn funny... some a the time anyways... 'n it's entertainin' as hell... 'n it's a western... 'n a soap opera... 'n it's got Mercedes McCambridge squarin' off against Joan Crawford... "I'm gonna kill you." "I know. If I don't kill you first"... 'n it's a slam at black-listin' 'n namin' names too... 'n it's even got Ernest Borgnine in it... Hell... Wha' more could ya want in a movie...?"

"Wouldn' mind a l'il less."

"'There's only two things in this world that a real man needs... a cup of coffee and a good smoke.'"

"Ya know tha' don't make no sense."

"It sure don't."

"Now if'n he had said 'a cup of coffee 'n a nice piece a pie 'n a good smoke'... that woulda made some sense... 'Course I guess I should leave out the smokin'... seein' as we quit... Damn... I sure do miss it though..."

"Tha's all ya need, huh...? Pie 'n coffee...?"

"'N a good horse. A real man needs a real good horse..."

"'N that's it...?"

"'N a dog. A real man's gotta have a dog. Or two. Where are them dumbass dogs anyways...?"

"Where d'ya think they are...?"

"Soakin' in their wadin' pool or sleepin' on the porch...?"

"Yep. Either one or the other. So's... Anythin' else come ta mind...?"

"A real good pair a boots is awful hard ta do withou'... 'n a real nice cowboy hat... Not one a them cheap straw ones..."


"I guess jeans 'n a shirt too... but them prob'bly go withou' sayin'..."

"Not really... I were picturin' you dressed just in boots 'n a cowboy hat..."

"Ya'd like that, huh...?"

"Well it'd sure as hell make me laugh anyways."

"Thanks a lot."

"So's tha's it...? Nothin' else...?"

"Lessee... coffee 'n pie 'n a horse 'n boots 'n hat 'n clothes... Yep... Tha' should do. Oh... almost fergot... A real man needs a real nice saddle too 'n a good pair a work gloves..."

"You cain't think a anythin' else ya migh' need...?"

"Yer not gonna stop 'til I say it... are ya...?"

"Prob'bly not."

"'N a real man needs a real dumbass around ta watch real dumb movies with... How 'bout tha'...? Will tha' do...?"

"Just ta watch real dumb movies with, huh...?"

"'N maybe fer a few other things too..."

"Like what exactly...?"

"If'n yer lucky I'll show ya what exactly later on... 'So's ya gotta ask yer self one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?'"

"Yep. I feel damn lucky. Now... let's fix us some dinner 'n then watch us some 'Johnny Guitar'..."

"C'mon, Hank... how 'bout a Clint Eastwood movie instead...?"

"Well... Guess we could watch 'Paint Your Wagon'... There ain't nothin' quite like Clint Eastwood singin'..."

"I know ya jus' bought tha' movie ta use it as a threat."

"I don't got no idea wha' yer talkin' 'bout."

"Like hell ya don't. 'N it ain't gonna work... So's I'm callin' yer bluff... Let's watch 'Paint Your Wagon'..."

"Sounds good ta me... 'Course... with a musical like that I'm gonna be compelled ta sing along... Lessee... I don't remember all the songs... but I'm sure they'll start ta come back ta me righ' quick... think it starts out with... 'Where am I goin'...? I don't know... Where am I headin'...? I ain't certain... Alls I know is I am on my way'..."


"But what I'm really lookin' forward to is my duets with Clint... I seem ta recall him singin' ta some trees tha' won't give him the time a day... 'n another song about 'married men 'n single men 'n some who ain't so certain'... 'n somethin' 'bout 'what can stop their itchin' not bein' found around no kitchen'..."

"Okay... Okay... Stop already... 'Johnny Guitar' it is."

"If'n you insist."

Later that night...

"Jeez... 'N that... A real man definitely needs tha' too..."

"Damn, Ed... Yer nothin' but a railroad tramp... 'n a damn fine one at tha'..."

"Yep. Me 'n Joan Crawford. So's... You got my $14.00?"

"Guess ya earned it..."

"Yep. The hard way."

"You can say that again... Throw me my jeans..."


"Lemme see... Alls I got is a twenty... You got change...?"


"How 'bout I jus' give ya the twenty... 'n you promise ta make up the $6.00 tomorrow...?"

"No tip, huh...?"

"Thought it was included."

"Why the hell would it be included?"

"Tha's wha' they do in Europe."

"Hate ta break it to ya, dumbass... but this ain't Europe."

"Okay... How 'bout I jus' give ya the twenty... 'n you promise ta make up the... lessee... $1.40 from $6.00... the $4.60 tomorrow..."

"Ten percent, huh...? I thought I was s'posed ta be the cheap one... Hell... You tip Mryna like that 'n you'd sure as hell hear about it the next time ya ate there..."

"Okay... Make it fifteen... Fer tha' last part... Ya put a lotta effort inta tha'..."

"Big spender."

"Fine... Twenty percent. 'N tha's as high as 'm goin'... You can make up the... hold on... give me a second... the $3.20 tomorrow..."

"$3.20, huh...?"


"Think I should be able ta take care a tha' righ' now..."

"Whaddya got in... mmmph..."



"So's... will that about cover it fer ya...?"

"Jeez, Ed... I think maybe I'm back ta owin' you now..."

"'S okay... I know yer good fer it."

"Damn right I am."

"Ya know... it turns out there's somethin' else a real man needs..."

"Wha's tha'...?"

"A real man needs pancakes."

"He does, huh...?"

"Yep. With syrup. Lotsa syrup. So's... whaddaya say we spend some a my hard-earned money on some pancakes tomorrow mornin'...? "

"Mentionin' Myrna made ya think a pancakes, huh...?"


"Sounds real good ta me."

"It's a date then. Now... Couldya turn out tha' light...? I wanna get some sleep..."

"Yeah... I got it..."

"G'nigh', Hank... Love yer dumb-movie-lovin' ass..."

"G' nigh', Ed... Love yer Clint-Eastwood-lovin' ass too..."

A few minutes later...

"Hey... Did somebody step on a duck...?"

"Jeez, Hank..."


"Cut it out 'n go ta sleep, dumbass..."

"'I don't get no respect'."


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[User Picture]From: torry28
2008-07-20 09:27 pm (UTC)
I'm not ready to see the movie either, I know I'm going to cry and I have been doing that a lot lately and I thank who ever is watching over you for you, Hank and Ed to make me smile, you never failed.
Thank you for stopping by when I need you the most.
Take care of each other and never stop loving each other.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 03:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks Torry. I'm glad Ed and Hank could make you smile even when you're sad. And they will take your advice and never stop loving each other. (I think they both realize how lucky they are to have each other)
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[User Picture]From: jennasts
2008-07-20 09:53 pm (UTC)
Ed and Hank never fail to make me smile. I love Ed and Hank!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 03:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Jenna. Ed and Hank are real glad they made you smile.
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[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2008-07-20 09:53 pm (UTC)
I agree with Hank, I'm not ready yet....

Love the movie discussion, but I'm surprised no one suggested 'Blazing Saddles' -- 'pardon em while I whip this out!' -- well, maybe not, with the campfire beans scene.... ah well.

Pancakes sound good to me, too, I just don't have the hang of cooking them on an electric stove yet.

Love to my favorite 'Uncles' and 'Cousin' 'blue!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 04:09 pm (UTC)
Glad you enjoyed the movie discussion. It's pretty much like that every time they try and decide what to watch/rent. And Hank would've suggested 'Blazing Saddles' but their old video of it was chewed up by Edthedog a while back, (before he had completely adjusted to his new and safe surroundings), and they haven't gotten around to replacing it yet. Then again, maybe he just didn't like the movie... :D Of course Ed probably would have had some reason not to watch that one either.

Good luck getting the hang of cooking pancakes on your electric stove!

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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2008-07-20 11:30 pm (UTC)
aw Hank didn't want to go see it. Well I did and it was out of this world! You don't see Heath on the screen you see the Joker. I kept looking to see if I saw Heath. Except for one scene when he is without the makeup (and it is very brief) you do not see Heath. And after the movie I wasn't sad. I was elated.

so it's up to you Hank but I'd go see it. Hey if Ed wants he can go see it with me (I am seeing it again)

of course Clint Eastwood movie is a good deal too

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 04:31 pm (UTC)
Hey there,

Good to hear that you enjoyed the movie! Hank and Ed talked to Bill about it this morning and he and Betty loved it too. They thought Heath was great as the Joker and, like you said, completely disappeared into the character. They thought he pretty much stole the whole movie. Their only complaint was that he never seemed to be on screen long enough.

And Hank won't mind at all if Ed goes with you when you go see it again. As long as you return him afterwards.
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From: animas1
2008-07-21 02:25 am (UTC)
Like Hank, I don't know if I'll ever be ready to see the film but I just love these vignettes you write. The timing on this one was perfect and the humor and feeling between them continues to make us laugh and believe it could have been like this for them. The touch of poignancy I always feel when I read your work attests to how perfectly you have captured their spirit.

Thank you
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 04:49 pm (UTC)

Thanks, that is all so nice of you to say. And Hank's gotta admit, he was a little worried about the timing of posting this particular dumbass conversation, so he just tried not to think about it and wrote it up and posted it as quick as possible after they got back from eating pancakes.
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[User Picture]From: bbmgirlfan
2008-07-21 03:16 am (UTC)
Heck, I feel like crying every time I see the trailers, so there's no way I could handle the movie!

And as always, it makes me feel good to see that expressed in the fandom. You've been so good about articulating our grief!!

They are very cute!

But for some reason today, their banter annoyed me a little. I'm not sure why. I was like, "Pick a movie, for god's sake!"

OTOH, it's always nice to drop in on them and see how they're doing.

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 05:09 pm (UTC)
Sorry you've been feeling so sad. Hank just wishes he was better at articulating things than he is.

And Hank’s given a lot of thought to why this could have possibly annoyed you a little and he thinks it’s probably because he and Ed are just so damn annoying sometimes.

(Really, you have NO idea what it’s like... They do this with EVERYTHING.)

And sometimes when you're sad it can be kinda irritating to have someone try to cheer you up when maybe you don't feel like being cheered up just yet.
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[User Picture]From: bbmgirlfan
2008-07-22 12:01 am (UTC)
LOL! :)

Hugs for both of them and you for putting up with them!

And what a good point about not wanting to be cheered up when you're sad.

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[User Picture]From: eandj
2008-07-21 04:58 am (UTC)
I just love them
thank you for making me smile
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 05:16 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Ed and Hank are glad they made you smile.
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[User Picture]From: lalaynia
2008-07-21 10:49 am (UTC)
Oh, thank you, dear 'Blue, for the laughs this morning!
I'll be smiling all day.

"Surely you can find it somewheres in yer big ol' humorless heart ta humor me...?"

"'N stop callin' me Shirley."

I can't pass that line up either. Call me a Dumbass.
You mentioned a LOT of my favorite movies... especially Paint Your Wagon!

"Ya know... it turns out there's somethin' else a real man needs..."

"Wha's tha'...?"

"A real man needs pancakes."


I love you, 'Blue, you make my day.

J/D/L/Paint your pancake lover
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 05:25 pm (UTC)
LOL! "Paint your pancake lover", huh...? You are surely giving Hank some ideas.

I think that's the second time Hank has included the 'Don't call me Shirley' joke in one of his posts, but it's surely a lot less than he uses it in real life. (Gotta admit it gets on Ed's nerves after a while... :) )

Ed and Hank are glad they could make you laugh!

Hope everything is going well.

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[User Picture]From: argentine65
2008-07-21 03:49 pm (UTC)

Ed and Hank

Seeing or not the movie depends on each one. But believe me it is a wonderful movie and Heath is a amazing Joker. And it is true you don't see him. But what shock me was the dedication. Thank you Ed and Hank and blues you made me think about pictures I saw long time ago. Kisses. Martha
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-21 05:47 pm (UTC)

Re: Ed and Hank

I'm so glad you enjoyed the movie! And Hank's sure that folks are going to be talking about that movie and Heath's performance for a long, long time.
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From: topanga_63
2008-07-22 05:53 pm (UTC)
I just can't get enough of these guys! I love them and reading about them always makes me happy. I'm so glad you continue to share Ed and Hank with us!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-24 10:05 pm (UTC)
It's makes Ed and Hank happy to make other folks happy. Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-24 10:19 pm (UTC)
Duh... That would be 'It' makes Ed and Hank happy... :D
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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2008-07-25 03:28 am (UTC)

good excuse

Ok guys I'm glad you liked Clint and I like how you find a way to trade out a little for services provided. I did see The Dark Knight tonight and well I know exactly how you felt but I had to see it. It is sad but well it also shows what a versatile and excellent actor Heath was/is in my book. He amazes me and I know everyone over at Jake's eyelashes go go gah over him but Heath always did it for this old Joe. Take your time and see it when you can. I was out of comission a lot in the past two weeks the doctors are trying to figure it out and got really mad when I had my laptop at the hospital then I was using my cell and they took it away so a friend printed off the stories and I read them but today was the first day to comment great chapter. I'm fine just needed to readjust my life alittle and now ready to enjoy a nice fire in the back yard kick up my feet and well maybe find a way to earn 14.00 dollars myself. LOL Joe
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-26 06:54 pm (UTC)

Re: good excuse

Hey Joe, Sorry to hear you weren't feeling well, but I'm so glad you're out of the hospital and doing better now.

Kicking up your feet and enjoyoing a nice fire in the back yard sounds like just what the doctor ordered. I sure hope you figured out how to earn that $14.00. (Plus tip, I hope...)

And yeah, Hank does hope to see the Dark Knight sometime in the hopefully-not-to-distant future. We've only heard amazing things about Heath's performance.

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