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Ed and Hank... F**k ... Note: Still not back to writin'… - myeyesaintblue [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Jul. 30th, 2008|09:03 am]
[music |Ch-ch-ch-changes...]

Ed and Hank...


Still not back to writin' about last year's road trip. Other stuff keeps happenin... Rating: PG (for language. It's mostly Ed's fault.) Length: About 2,600 words (with approximately one percent of them being the 'F' word.)

Everything else is here:



"Watch tha' door, dumbass... I jus' fixed it this mornin'..."


"Wha's wrong, Ed...?"

"Fuck... Just fuck... Fuck..."

"Well... I was plannin' on fixin' this here faucet... but if'n ya really wanna..."


"Wha' the hell is wrong...?"

"Bill. Fuck..."

"Bill...? Is he okay...?"

"Yeah... He's okay... Fuck."

"Ya didn' fuck him didya...? Tha'd tick me off no end..."

"Dammit, Hank... I ain't in the mood..."

"Then fuckin' tell me wha' the fuck is wrong..."


"Well now we're gettin' somewhere..."


"C'mon, Ed... Just tell me already..."

"'S Bill... 'n Betty... they're talkin' about movin'..."

"Wha'...? Where...?"

"Betty's pa... him 'n her ma split up a long time back... 'n he's been outta the picture fer a while... But he passed away recent-like..."

"Yeah... I know all tha'..."

"'N they jus' found out that he left Betty a good chunk a money... So's... they're talkin' 'bout tryin' ta find a l'il ranch a their own... Fuck."

"But tha's real good news fer them..."

"'N they think they're gonna hafta move a ways away from here in order ta find a place they can afford..."


"I cain't break in no one new... I jus' cain't do it..."

"'N tha's the whole reason yer so upset...? 'Cause yer gonna hafta break in someone new...?"

"Yeah. Fuck. No... Fuck..."

"'S okay, Ed..."

"No it ain't okay. Fuck."

"Ain't what I meant... I meant it's okay... how yer feelin' 'n all... Hell... I'm gonna miss Bill a whole helluva lot too... 'N Betty... the both of 'em... Fuck."

"Yeah... Fuck."

"We gotta least-wise try 'n be happy fer 'em... Or do our best ta act like it anyways... 'S gonna be hard enough on 'em ta move away..."

"Shit. I know tha'... But... Fuck..."

"Yeah... Fuck."

"I ain't never had... Just Eddie... way back when... kinda... 'n not really him neither... 'N you a course... But..."

"I know, Ed..."

"Don't think ya do."

"I know findin' true friends 'round these parts ain't easy... wha' with all them bible thumpers 'n all... 'n Bill 'n Betty have been true friends ta us..."


"Wait a minute..."


"Remember tha' talk we had...? 'Bout a year 'n half ago I think it was... 'Bout figurin' out a way of maybe cuttin' Bill in on the ranch...?"

"Yeah... But we never did it 'n now it's prob'bly too late... they're gonna wanna place a their own..."

"Couldn' hurt ta ask 'em... if'n they'd wanna buy in with us... Maybe build themselves a l'il house on the property somewheres close but not too close... I know damn well Betty ain't gonna wanna live tha' far from her ma... them two are thick as thieves... so's... maybe they'd be int'rested..."

"I dunno, Hank... Tha' could get real complicated... Partnerin' with you's hard enough sometimes..."

"Thanks a lot."

"I jus' meant... Havin' two of us makin' all the decisions ta gether ain't always easy... Much less havin' four of us tryin' ta run one place... 'N we'd hafta expand in order ta support ev'rybody when we been talkin' 'bout maybe scalin' back some instead... 'n we're already worried 'bout the drought 'n wildfires 'n the price a ev'rythin' goin' sky high draggin' us down... all tha' could end up jus' draggin' them down too..."

"Yeah... But they're gonna be facin' drought 'n the threat a wildfires 'n the price a ev'rythin' skyrocketin' wherever they find a place... So's it'd really jus' be workin' out the decision-makin'..."

"Just...? I can just see us all endin' up in a big ol' fight over somethin' real stupid... Hell... Tha'd be worse than them leavin'..."

"Ya trust Bill... dontcha? Yer always askin' fer his advice about stuff 'n all... 'N he always tells ya 'xactly what he thinks..."

"Yeah... But tha's diff'rent... He ain't never had no real stake in it..."

"'N he did a real good job takin' care a this place last summer..."

"True 'nough. But..."

"Or maybe we could sell them a controllin' int'rest in the ranch...? Bill 'n Betty can run the place 'n expand it if'n they wanna 'n we can scale back like we been talkin' about..."

"Shit. I jus' don't think I could give up runnin' this place, Hank... It's what I do... It's who I am..."

"I know how important it is ta ya... But... 'n I hate ta say this... we ain't gettin' any younger..."

"Speak fer yer self."

"...So's we might as well try 'n figure out somethin' now as ten years from now..."

"I was thinkin' it'd be more like fifteen or twenty."

"'N it could be... if'n we figure out a way ta make it a l'il easier on us now..."

"Speak fer yerself again... I ain't got no problem keepin' up with the work..."

"Okay. I will speak fer m'self... If'n Bill 'n Betty leave then not only do I lose them but I'm also stuck pickin' up Bill's end a things 'til you find someone tha' suits you ta work with... 'n we both know tha' could take one helluva long time... 'n I fer one don't feel like losin' Bill 'n Betty or workin' my ass off no more."

"Don't seem ta recall you ever workin' yer ass off..."

"Well then what the hell would make you think I'm willin' ta start now...? 'N whether yer willin' ta admit it or not... we ain't gettin' no younger... 'n I fer one would like ta spend a l'il more time campin' 'n maybe travellin' some 'n jus' plain takin' it easy..."

"You go right ahead. I won't stop ya."

"Dammit, Ed... I wanna do them things with you... 'N ya've said before tha' maybe ya wouldn' mind travellin' a l'il more..."

"Told ya... I ain't ready ta give up runnin' this place..."

"Ya don't gotta give it up entirely... Jus' loosen yer grip on it a l'il..."

"Ya know we prob'bly wouldn' be able ta afford ta travel like ya'd wanna anyways..."

"Tha' don't matter none... We can still afford ta pitch a tent somewheres up on some mountain..."

"'Course I don't really got no say in it... 'S yer ranch so's you can do whatever the hell ya want with it..."

"Goddammit, Ed... Yer not gonna start up with that shit again are ya...? I had them papers drawn up years ago makin' you half-owner a this place... You jus' wouldn' never sign 'em... ticked me off no end... Come ta think of it... it still does..."

"I don't want nothin' handed ta me."

"Handed to ya...?  It's just as much yer ranch as it is mine... Hell... As a matter a fact it's more yers... 'cause there wouldn' be no ranch if not fer you... I've told ya all that a hund'erd 'n ten times before... 'Sides... if'n ya thought it weren't half yers before it sure as hell became half yers as soon as we exchanged them rings..."

"That ain't legal-like."

"It damn well is in my eyes. You gonna stand there 'n tell me it ain't it in yers...?"

"Guess not..."

"'N I don't recall havin' you sign no prenuptial agreement..."

"You never were real bright."

"True 'nough... I fell heels over head fer you, didn't I?"

"Well... we don't even know if'n Bill 'n Betty would be int'rested..."

"No we don't. So's where's Bill... Ya didn't stalk off 'n leave him standin' there, didya...?"

"No. I didn' stalk off 'n leave him standin' there, dumbass... He had ta leave early today 'n he pulled up ta me in his truck 'n told me righ' before headed out..."

"Prob'bly couldn' bear the thought a standin' there 'n talkin' 'bout it with ya... How 'bout we give 'em a call 'n see if'n we can meet up with 'em later...? Maybe go out fer dinner or somethin' 'n put all our cards on the table... Tell 'em we ain't sure... but tell 'em wha' we're thinkin' 'n wha' we're worried about 'n all..."

"Fuck. What if they ain't...? Int'rested I mean..."

"It'll be okay, Ed..."

"'N what if they are...?"

"It'll be okay, Ed..."


"Ya think maybe we better think on it more first...? Ya know... before we talk ta them about it..."

"Ain't nothin' gonna be set in stone ta nigh'... So's it cain't hurt ta see if'n they migh' be int'rested... 'N if'n they absolutely ain't... then least-wise we'll know tha' too..."


"Ya know... If'n they are in'trested it could be a whole lotta fun... Hell... I can just imagine the rumors that'll start flyin' 'round town... How we're startin' up one a them free love hippie commune kinda places... Or startin' some kinda crazy religious cult... Lessee... D'ya think the whole alien thing's been too done ta death...? I kinda like the idea of makin' up some kinda religion based on aliens... 'N maybe we can all get matchin' shirts or somethin'..."

"Great... Just great..."

Later that night...

"I ain't botherin' ya here, am I...? Ya want me ta hand ya a book or somethin'...? Maybe turn on the TV...?"

"Sorry, Hank... I guess I ain't 'xactly in the mood... I jus' cain't help thinkin' 'bout stuff..."

"It's gonna be okay, Ed. Bill 'n Betty looked purty happy when we said wha' we was thinkin'... 'n you heard 'em say they could be real int'rested in somethin' like tha'... Hell... Betty was even talkin' 'bout where they could build their house... Now we all jus' gotta figure out wha's the best way ta do it fer ev'ryone involved..."

"Tha's what I'm thinkin' about, dumbass... I know the best way is prob'bly fer us ta sell them the controllin' int'rest in the place... but... I still ain't sure if'n I can do tha'..."

"We don't gotta do it tha' way, Ed... 'N we don't gotta figure it out tonight..."


"Tha's what I was tryin' ta do... but you didn't seem too int'rested..."

"It's jus' that... even if'n we can work things out so's Bill 'n Betty can stay... things are gonna be changin'... 'N I jus' don't like the thought a things changin'..."

"I know ya don't, Ed... 'N neither do I... but..."

"'S all gone by way too fast... 'N I just ain't ready fer it ta end..."

"Dammit, Ed... Cut it out... 'N yeah... One way or another things are gonna be changin'... but ain't nothin' endin'..."

"Feels like it is."

"But it ain't, dumbass... 'N it migh' just end up better than it was... Didya ever consider that...?"


"Well it could."


"'N ya do realize tha' there ain't no one forcin' us ta do this, dontcha...?"

"I know. 'N I wanna do it... 'cause it'd be great if'n we could work it out so's Bill 'n Betty didn't hafta move away... 'Xcept..."

"'Xcept wha'...?"

"'Xcept that I don't wanna do it..."

"'S gonna be okay, Ed... I promise... Whether we decide ta do it or not do it or they decide ta do it or not... It's gonna work out okay..."

"You cain't make tha' kinda promise, dumbass..."

"Yeah I can. 'N I just did."

"Fine. I'm gonna hold ya to it. "


"Okay. So's... Hank...?"


"Ya still wanna do it...?"

"Do what...?"

"C'mere, dumbass..."

"Wait a minute... You sure yer gonna be able ta give me yer full 'n undivided attention here...?"

"I don't know how you can jus' ferget about ev'rythin' else so easy-like... but I'll damn well give it my best shot."

"'S all I ask... Hold on a minute... I'll be right back..."

"Music, huh...?"


"Yep. 'N ya wanna know how I can ferget about ev'rythin' else so easy...?"

"Nope. But I bet yer gonna tell me anyways..."

"'Cause when I'm feelin' blue all I have to do... is take a look at you 'n then I'm not so blue... When yer close ta me I can feel your heart beat... I can hear you breathin' in my ear... Wouldn't you agree... baby you 'n me got a groovy kind of love... We got a groovy kinda love..."

"Groovy, huh...?"

"Yep. Wouldn't you agree...?"

"I guess I would hafta concur."

"Concur...? You been watchin' PBS again...?"

"Maybe. So's... I still make ya shiver 'n quiver, huh...?"

"Yep. Gen'rally alls ya gotta do is give me tha' look a yers 'n I'll come hither..."

"Which look...? This look...?"

"Not that one. Tha' jus' looks like yer in pain..."

"How 'bout this one?"

"That ain't it either. 'S more like this..."

"I hope ta hell I ain't never looked like that in my life."

"Thanks a lot."

"Must be this one then..."

"Tha' one's jus' makin' me wanna turn tail 'n run..."

"Okay... How 'bout this one...?"

"Close enough. Brace yer self..."

"Ooomph... Watch it, dumbass..."

"Hey, Ed... How 'bout ya talk dirty ta me...? Ya hardly ever talk dirty ta me..."


"Yeah... you been sayin' that all day... 'N it's a start... but yer gonna hafta do a whole lot better than tha'... Maybe you could add a 'me' ta the end a tha' 'n say it like ya mean it... 'N beg a l'il too... I like it when ya beg fer it..."

"Think maybe I'll make you beg fer it..."

"Fine with me... So's long as ya describe fer me in detail 'xactly what it is I'm beggin' for... 'N I gotta warn ya... I'll be gradin' ya on creativity..."

"Gradin' me...? Screw that..."

"You ain't doin' so well... The idea is ta screw me..."

"Don't you worry... I'll screw you jus' fine..."

"Tha' still ain't very creative... So far ya got a D minus."

"Dammit, Hank... Ya know I ain't good at talkin' like tha'..."

"Now that just ain't true... Ya may not do it often... but when ya do... Damn..."

"Well I cain't do it on demand no how... 'S jus' gotta come out... ya know... spontaneous-like..."

"Tha's okay... I got a few ideas on how you can earn some extra credit withou' doin' no talkin' if'n ya don't wanna..."

"I jus' betcha do..."

"'N if ya work real hard... maybe... jus' maybe... you could manage ta raise tha' grade to a solid B..."

"Thanks a lot.."

"Yer welcome."

"C'mere, dumbass..."


"Okay... okay...

           I'll give ya an A+...

                    in ev'rythin'...


                                      C'mon, Ed...

                                                Yer fuckin' killin' me here..."

Later yet...

"Hey, Hank... You asleep...?"

"I ain't sure... Think I migh' be havin' one a them outta body experiences..."

"I was just wonderin'..."


"'Xactly what kinda school was it tha' ya went to...?"

"A real interestin' one. Now stop worryin' about stuff, Ed..."

"I was makin' a joke, dumbass... I ain't worryin'."

"Yeah. Ya are."

"No, I'm not."

"Yeah. Ya are."

"Yeah. I am."

"Well, stop it."

"Somebody's gotta do it."

"No they don't. You worry too much, Ed."

"You don't worry enough... So's I gotta pick up yer slack."

"No you don't... 'Cause it's gonna be okay."

"It might not be okay."

"Even so... It'll still be okay."

"Tha' don't make no sense."

"Yeah it does."

"No it don't."

"Go ta sleep."

"You go ta sleep."

"I'm goin' ta sleep."

"Me too."

"Love yer dumb worryin' ass, Ed..."

"Ya know... I don't think you can call me tha' no more... Seein' as I got A+'s in ev'rythin'..."

"Love yer super-extra-credit-earnin'-grade-A-plus-but-worryin'-way-too-much-ass. Tha' better...?"

"Yep. Love yer not-nearly-worried-enough-but-still-prit-near-perfect ass too, Hank."

"How 'bout we try 'n get some sleep... Ya got a full day of worryin' ahead of ya tomorrow..."

"Guess I could do a better job a worryin' if'n I'm well-rested."

"G'night, Ed."

"G'night, Hank."



"'N it's really gonna be okay."




"Now ya got me worryin' again."


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[User Picture]From: tatia85
2008-07-30 09:19 pm (UTC)
first: I am incredibly sorry not to have comment the last chappie é.è I am so busy right now! But, I will comment this one.
E&H are THE BEST EVER! I love them. Really. They are SO cute. SO. And... Ed always worrying. Cutest thing ever.
Said this: I am a little worried. I just think that Ed is one of those men who works till they died while working (hopefully at 110 years of ages) while Hank is less a workhaolic and more creative. Don't know... maybe Ed won't be so happy to work less... or not to work at all.
You could tell them to considered coachsurfing! http://www.couchsurfing.com/ some friends of mine did, and, it was fun :P (*hoping to know Ed's reaction to this*)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-30 11:53 pm (UTC)
Hey there,
Ed and Hank and I always look forward to your comments, but please don't feel like you ever have to apologize for not commenting. Hope things get calmer for you soon!

And yeah, Hank knows Ed wouldn't be happy if he wasn't working at all. (Although he did do pretty good on their road trip last year.) He does think maybe Ed could be happy working a little less. That's why he's hoping things work out with Bill and Betty so that they can stay and maybe make things easier on him and Ed but so they don't quit working the place altogether. (Things are still somewhat up in the air over that.)

Haven't had a chance to check out couchsurfing.com yet. I'll let you know Ed's reaction when we do. :D
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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2008-07-30 09:52 pm (UTC)
Ed is a worry WART! chill ED! everything is gonna be okay. And look at it this way you won't have to worry about breaking anyone new in and Ed and Betty will stick around and help with the ranch.

so you just concentrate on getting those A's

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-30 11:56 pm (UTC)
LOL! Ed is definitely a worry WART! Hank keeps telling him everything is going to be okay, but maybe if he hears it from you it'll help too. (And he can concentrate on keeping those grades up.)
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[User Picture]From: samtyr
2008-07-31 01:38 am (UTC)
I'm so glad to see these two back again! :) They're proof that the more things change the more they stay the same. ;) Thank you so much for sharing this.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-31 03:53 pm (UTC)
"The more things change the more the stay the same" LOL! - That pretty much sums up Ed and Hank. And if Hank had thought of it he would have used it as the title for this one... :D
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[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2008-07-31 02:03 am (UTC)
These guys!

Okay, Uncle Ed? You listen real good to Uncle Hank...'cause everything's gonna be all right! Have I ever lied to you?


So.... if'n you folks start running out of things to do out there on the ranch, you could come here and help clean up the mess that 'derecho' storm left behind last week!

I'll make pie....


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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-31 04:15 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the help in trying to convince Ed. He's settled down some, but we can tell he's still worried. Hank should have thought of giving Ed pie. He'll make sure Ed gets some pie today, even if Hank has to make it himself. Pie makes everything better.

We hadn't heard about the 'derecho' storm. I looked up some pictures of it and it was pretty amazing. This picture is from WGN in Chicago, but I think it was the same storm that hit you.


Hope the damage passed you by! Ice dams, floods and now this... Let's hope Mother Nature takes a break for a while...

We've been dry as a bone out here, with just a couple of rainstorms all summer. Although so far there haven't been hardly any wildfires. Pretty unusual. (The fires are often started by lightning so I guess the lack of storms is helping in that way.)

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[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2008-08-01 01:56 am (UTC)
yeah, it hit us about four hours before it got Chicago.... I posted on my lj..... We lucked out, but the rest of the communities....yowch. According to my MOM, it passed just south of them on it's way across the state.

Pie Gooooood!

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-08-05 02:47 pm (UTC)

LOL! Yes, "Pie Gooooood!" Ed just wouldn't stop worrying, so Hank and I had to drag him off camping for a few days. So glad to hear the worst of the storm missed you!

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[User Picture]From: argentine65
2008-07-31 02:26 pm (UTC)

Ed and Hank

Ed: "You worry too much" because "things are gonna be changin'... 'N I jus' don't like the thought a things changin'..." and you forget poor Hank "I ain't botherin' ya here, am I...? Ya want me ta hand ya a book or somethin'...? Maybe turn on the TV...?" but sure I am glad you got your A+ and hope you keep it high. Every time I see something from you, blue, I feel really happy. Thank you so much and please say Ed that everything is going to be OK. Martha

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-07-31 04:45 pm (UTC)

Re: Ed and Hank

Yeah, Ed hates change of ANY kind. But don't you worry about "poor Hank", he never lets Ed forget about him for long and he'll definitely make sure Ed keeps his grades up. So glad Ed and Hank made you happy. And I will definitely pass it on to Ed that you also think everything will be OK. Thanks!
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From: mazaher
2008-08-02 03:39 pm (UTC)
"Ya got a full day of worryin' ahead of ya tomorrow..."
F**k, same old story here too
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-08-05 04:06 pm (UTC)
F**k is right. Sure hope it all gets better soon!

Hugs from Ed and Hank and me!
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[User Picture]From: torry28
2008-08-03 09:03 pm (UTC)
Sorry I'm late. Ed you know things always work out Hank is going to make sure of that. I think a partnership with Bill
and Betty is a good idea, and as much as Ed hates changes he eventually does and feels good about it after. Hank always gets him to agree one way or another well the another sounded pretty damn good to me.
Thank you for another great visit swearing and all. sorry for my late comment, even I get a F*****g kick in RL once an awhile.
Hugs to you and the most loving couple Ed and Hank.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-08-05 03:08 pm (UTC)
Hey Torry,

No need to apologize for being late! As much as Hank appreciates your wonderful comments, Hank would never want anyone to feel obligated.

We ended up taking off for the weekend. Ed was still so preoccupied and worried that Hank and I threw him in the truck and took him camping. It seems to have helped some. The use of the "F" word as abated somewhat at least. (Ed may swear a lot, but he gen'rally only uses the "F" word so liberally when he's real upset.) Hank definitely does have a knack for getting Ed to agree eventually. (He's had to get good at it over the years 'cause Ed generally balks at just about everything at first.)

I have to apologize though... I noticed that you've been writing and I haven't had a chance to read yet. Sorry to hear RL is giving you some f*****g trouble. Hope it gets better soon!

Hugs back to you from all of us!
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[User Picture]From: lalaynia
2008-08-23 06:09 pm (UTC)
Well, 'Blue, I just got around to reading this- been busy as you know, but things are MUCH better-and you help so much!- but I just have to say that readin' this was almost as good as pie.

'N a helluva lot better than medicine. Thank ya, Dumbass.
I'm gonna try to be more like Hank, not worryin'-wise, even if my ass ain't near perfect.

Love you, and hug 'em all for me,
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-08-28 04:16 pm (UTC)
Hey Joan!
So happy to hear that things are better!! Glad you liked the post. Of course nothing is settled yet, so Ed's still worried and Hank's still not. And we all bet your ass is damn near perfect. :D

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