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Ed and Hank A day without a Gay (and almost a night too)… - myeyesaintblue [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Dec. 12th, 2008|08:17 am]

Ed and Hank

A day without a Gay (and almost a night too)

Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.

Links to all earlier posts are here:

A day without a Gay (and almost a night too)

"Dammit, Hank… I thought you were comin’ out ta help us…"

"Didn’t ya get my message…? I left a message fer ya…"

"I left my phone in the truck..."

"Well I called in ‘gay’ ta day."

"Wha’ the hell are you talkin’ about…?"

"Today was tha’ ‘Day Without a Gay’ I was tellin’ ya about… ‘n folks across the country are s’posed ta call in ‘gay’ as a protest ‘cause we don’t got the same rights as other folks ‘n ta let folks know we’re out there ‘n we matter…"

"So you called in gay… ta me…?"


"I don’t think tha’s exactly what they had in mind, dumbass…"

"Yeah… Prob’bly not… But I figured a whole lotta folks couldn’ do it… ‘cause a who they work fer... or on accounta the economy ‘n all… ‘N I could do it… so’s I did… ‘Cause let’s face it… you cain’t fire me…"

"Yeah... Too bad about tha'..."

"‘N if’n ya could I wouldn’t exactly mind if ya did… So’s I spent the mornin’ writin’ more letters ta Congressfolks about supportin’ gay marriage ‘n repealin’ tha’ ‘Defense of Marriage Act’..."

"Well then least-wise you can come out ‘n help us after lunch…"

"No I cain’t. We’re s’posed ta do somethin’ fer other folks ta day… but I wanted ta do somethin’ besides writin’ a check or just droppin’ off canned goods like we usually do… Only I weren’t sure wha’ ta do ‘cause we keep ta ourselves so much… So I called Betty ‘n she said she heard recent-like about one a them smaller churches in town keepin' a list a folks who need help… ya know like odd-jobs they cain’t do themselves but cain’t afford ta hire someone fer neither… ‘N ya don’t gotta be a church member ta get help or give it… ‘n she said they don’t preach at ya or try ‘n convert ya or nothin’ neither… So Betty started helpin' with tha’… ‘n she said it’s jus’ kinda a word of mouth thing with folks vouchin' fer each other… So’s she called ‘n vouched fer me ‘n got me the name ‘n phone number a this woman… Her name's Estelle… ‘n she needs some help with some leaky faucets ‘n a busted railin’ by her steps ‘n whatnot… ‘n I gave her a call ‘n she said ta day was jus’ fine so’s I’m gonna be headin’ over there..."

"Guess I cain’t exactly argue with ya doin’ somethin’ like tha’… But…"

"Jeez… Is my watch right…? I didn’t realize it was so late already… Sorry, Ed… I gotta get goin’…… I’ll see ya later… Love yer dumb ass…"

That night…

"Sorry I’m so late, Ed…"


'Ya got my message didn’t ya…? Ed…?!?"

"Are ya upstairs already, old man…?"

"Where the hell are ya, Ed…?!?"

"I’m in the guest room."

"Wha’ the hell are ya doin’ in there…? Hey… The door’s locked… Open the door, dumbass… You ain’t servicin’ yerself withou’ me ta help ya out, are ya…?"

"I left ya a note on yer pillow."

"Wha' note…? I didn’t see any note… Wait a minute… Here it is…"

'Dear Dumbass, I’m writing in gay tonight so you’re on your own fer sleeping and whatnot. Sincerely, Ed.'

"Yer kiddin’, right…?"




"Okay… I get it… Ya got me good… Now c’mon outta there, Ed…"


"C’mon, Ed…"


"You ain’t used ta tha’ guest bed… so’s you know ya ain’t gonna sleep good…"


"Yer gonna toss ‘n turn all night, dumbass…"




"If’n ya come outta there you can sleep in tomorrow ‘n I’ll get up ‘n do all the chores… Hell… I’ll work all day… doin’ whatever ya want me to…"


"Dammit, Ed…"


"Ya know ya got them dogs all confused by bein’ in there… ‘N poor ol’ Edthedog is gen’rally confused enough as it is…"




"How about this… If’n ya open the door… I’ll get up real early tomorrow mornin’ ‘n I’ll make ya some pancakes before I start workin’… I think maybe we even got some buttermilk…"


"’N I’ll do whatever else ya want me to… I’ll do whatcha like best ‘til yer seein’ stars ‘n hearin’ them angels sing… ‘n then I’ll…"


"I thought tha’ migh’ getcha ta open the door…"

"Ya had me at pancakes, dumbass… I just got my leg caught in the blankets ‘n couldn’t make it ta the door right off…"

"I guess tha’s jus’ lucky fer you then..."

"It sure as hell is."

"And fer me too… ‘Course I had already planned out what all I was gonna do ta ya on my drive home from Estelle's…"



"I ain’t ticked off tha’ ya didn’t help out ta day… Well I am… Ya coulda given me some warnin’ ya know…"

"I know… ‘N I shoulda…"

"But… Hell… Ya know I’m gay too, dumbass…"

"Yer kiddin’…? I was not aware of that."

"I jus’ mean… I coulda put off wha’ we were doin’ ‘n gone with ya ‘n helped out ta day too… But… Ya didn’t even ask me if’n I wanted to…"

"Jeez… I didn’t even think ta ask ya ‘cause I didn’t think ya’d wanna do it… I know how ya feel about talkin’ ta folks ya don’t know… Hell… half the time ya don’t even wanna talk ta folks ya do know… ‘N lemme tell ya… Estelle really talked my ear off…"

"Well… I coulda done the work while you did the talkin’…"

"I’m real sorry I didn’t ask ya, Ed… I shoulda…"

"Yeah. Ya shoulda."

"Ya know… I was thinkin’ I’d keep doin’ this… So’s we could do it together regular-like… If’n ya’d wanna…?"

"Tha’d be okay by me… But… Did ya tell her… Estelle… About you bein’ gay ‘n all…?"

"Yep. When she opened the door I said ‘Howdy ma’am, my name is Hank… ‘n I’m heels over head in love with this fella named Ed… Yep… romantic-type, kiss him full on the mouth ‘n marry him if’n I could kinda love… Now what is it I can do fer ya ta day’…?"

"I’m serious, Hank… Did ya tell her…?"

"Yeah. I did. When she noticed my ring ‘n asked about my wife ‘n if’n we had kids I said I wasn’t exactly married but I’d sure as hell like ta be ‘n then I told her about you… So’s ya gotta know… if’n we do this together… I ain’t gonna bring it up outta the blue or nothin’… but I ain't gonna try 'n hide it neither... 'n if’n someone asks me about bein' married I’m gonna point ta you ‘n say ‘Ya see that tall, handsome, seemin’ly-mute fella workin’ his butt off over there…? Well he’s all mine… ev’ry which way but legal-like'..."

"How’d she take it… when ya told her…?"

"She chased me outta her house with a big ol’ broom."

"If’n she’d a done tha’ ya prob'ly woulda been home a whole lot earlier."

"True ‘nough… But she was a l’il taken aback… ‘N she cooled off towards me some… fer a while anyways… But then I guess her wantin' ta talk overcame any misgivin's she had… ‘N then when things were takin’ longer than expected she fed me dinner… ‘n by the time I left we were good ol’ friends… ‘N she even sent you a plate of cookies… Hell... even folks who ain't met ya wanna feed ya..."

"She sent cookies, huh…?"

"Yep. Them cut-out kind... ‘N I’m almost 100% sure they ain’t poisoned ‘cause I had a couple of ‘em after dinner ‘n I’m still standin’."

"Well tha' was real nice a her."

"It sure was… 'N they're real good... But… here’s the other thing… if’n ya wanna do this with me... I’d expect you ta claim me as yer own too… If'n you were asked point-blank about yer marital status anyways… D’ya think you could do tha’…?"

"Yeah… I guess so… But… what would I say exactly…? Wait… Don’t answer that… I think I’d rather come up with somethin’ on my own…"

"Suit yerself."

"But… D’ya think the folks at tha’ church might object... ya know... ta us helpin’ folks on tha’ list…?"

"Not all folks at all churches think gay folks are evil, Ed… So I wouldn’ worry about it… ‘N if’n someone complains… well… we’ll jus’ deal with tha’ when the time comes…"

"They’d prob’bly be more likely ta complain about the quality of yer work anyways..."

"You think the quality of my work is lackin’ in some way…? Well then maybe I’d better not make ya breakfast tomorrow mornin’… ‘cause I wouldn’ wanna end up servin’ ya pancakes tha' wouldn' be up ta yer exactin' standards 'n specifications… ‘N I bet I ain’t ever made them angels sing fer ya neither… so’s maybe I should just quit tryin’…"

"Yer pancakes ain’t half bad… 'N they’re a helluva lot better than some I’ve had…"

"Gee, thanks a lot."

"’N I hear them angels singin’ ev’ry single time…"

"Ya do, huh…?"

"Or maybe it’s them dogs howlin’ because yer singin’… Or vice versa… I ain’t real sure… but I definitely hear somethin’…"

"Well I’m gonna make damn sure there’s no mistakin’ that yer hearin’ actual, real-live singin’ angels tonight… C’mere, dumbass…"



"Do you hear that, Hank…?"

"Yeah. I hear it."

"It ain’t quite what I was expectin’…"

"Me neither. It's usually more like Ella Fitzgerald or Peggy Lee or Elvis or Otis Redding or Roy Orbison or Sam Cooke or..."

"Patsy Cline or Johnny Cash or Lorne Greene or..."

"Lorne Greene...?"

"You got a problem with tha'...?"

"I ain't sure."

"Well... This is definitely… uh… other-worldly…"

"It sure is."

"Well… whoever she is... she sings a helluva lot better than you anyways…"

"Wait a minute… I think that’s Mrs. Miller…."


"Mrs. Miller… I remember seein’ her on TV… back in the 60’s…"

"Wha’s her first name…?"

"I don’t think she had one… Damn… I always loved Mrs. Miller."

"That explains a lot."

"C’mon, Ed… Admit it… She kinda grows on ya… doesn’t she…? ‘Oooh oooh oooh... Don’t ever make me cry through looong lonely nights withooout your love’… Be always true to me... keep this day in your heart eternally… Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo'…"

"I’m purty sure singin’ along with other-worldly music ain’t allowed..."

"Why the hell wouldn’t it be allowed…?"

"I dunno… I was just hopin’…"

"I love yer dumb ass, Ed."

"I love you too, Hank."

"Hey... D'ya you want one a them cookies...?"

"I could go fer a cookie."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Ya know damn well I didn't mean it tha' way."

"You sure...?"

"Fine. I'll be righ' back."

"'N wouldya bring me a glass of milk...?"

"Ya want me ta make the pancakes tomorrow mornin' too...?"

"Thanks. Tha'd be great."

"I was bein' sarcastic, dumbass."

"You sure...? I didn't get tha'..."

"Yer still makin' the pancakes."

"Okay... I'm still makin' the pancakes."


"Lorne Greene, huh...?"

"Go ta sleep, dumbass."




[User Picture]From: huladavid
2008-12-12 04:17 pm (UTC)
Aw, these guys are right after my own heart.

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:42 am (UTC)
Thanks! That is so nice of you to say.
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[User Picture]From: huladavid
2008-12-18 06:02 pm (UTC)
Hey, that story I mentioned that I wanted to do is finished. I'd like to send it to you so's you can give it a look-over. If you'd rather not post your e-mail address you can send it to mine:

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-19 06:55 pm (UTC)
I'm looking forward to reading it!

My email address is myeyesaintblue@yahoo.com.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:43 am (UTC)

Re: Ed and Hank

Thanks! Glad Ed and Hank made you chuckle!
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[User Picture]From: torry28
2008-12-12 05:35 pm (UTC)
Love these two so much no matter what my day is always better after reading about theirs.
I can never get enough of Hank and Ed. I was hoping Hank would write something to make Ed smile for Christmas, I mean if he could find the time with all the charitable work, he is doing. You know a little merry Christmas story?
Love you guys, hope your holidays are wonderful, happy and full of love and hope next year will give Ed and Hank the equal rights each of us deserve.
Much love
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:46 am (UTC)
That is so nice of you to say! And if anything interestin' happens before or around Christmas Hank promises to try and write about it as soon as he can. We hope your holidays are wonderful, happy and full of love too!
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[User Picture]From: samtyr
2008-12-12 05:40 pm (UTC)
I just love reading about these two. :)

Lorne Greene, eh? *Interesting*.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:49 am (UTC)
LOL! Hank was very surprised when Ed mentioned Lorne Greene. Glad you liked it!
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[User Picture]From: eandj
2008-12-12 09:13 pm (UTC)
something new to learn every day- Mrs. Miller huh OMG
can't stop smiling
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:51 am (UTC)
Glad it made you smile! Mrs. Miller has that affect on Hank too. We're playing it again right now... Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo...
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[User Picture]From: pattieono
2008-12-12 10:53 pm (UTC)
......those crazy kids!! ;)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:52 am (UTC)
Ed and Hank very much appreciate being referred to as 'kids' - Thanks!
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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2008-12-12 10:59 pm (UTC)


Yeah Mrs. Miller I have her record. I love the one where she sings those boots are made for walking and she runs out of breath several times on the record. OH it makes me laugh and have so much fun. I could not call in gay, I did tell my boss I'm gay and should not be here today but she said why and I explained. She knows I'm gay but anyway I thought I should tell people. Being in healthcare field it made it hard to do this. We are not having a light the night in Erie, I tried but with the cold and snow in Erie too many whimps but they are having a food drive and sending the food to the mission. Oh well I am writing also to my politicians as well I guess if we all keep this up it may help someday. Joe
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[User Picture]From: bbmgirlfan
2008-12-13 03:53 am (UTC)


"I guess if we all keep this up it may help someday."

I sure hope so!!

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 05:58 am (UTC)


I love that you have Mrs. Miller's record! Hank doesn't but he'll have to try and find it. For now he'll settle for Youtube. I think it was great that you explained to your boss why you shouldn't be there even if you couldn't not be there, which is very understandable since you work in the healthcare field. There's no light the night near Ed and Hank either and they don't think they'll be able to make the long drive to Salt Lake for it. Hank might just start his own in the park off main street. We have to believe and do believe that it will all help someday.
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[User Picture]From: bbmgirlfan
2008-12-13 03:51 am (UTC)
Very cute!

I'm glad Hank called in gay, but I wish he'd taken Ed with him.

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 06:01 am (UTC)
Yeah... Hank realizes now that he should have asked Ed to begin with, he just never dreamed Ed would be interested in doing that at all. But he's sure glad he is.
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From: mazaher
2008-12-13 11:45 am (UTC)

Dogs, cookies and pancakes

"Ya know ya got them dogs all confused by bein’ in there": I'd have thought it would be *this* to bring Ed out. My cats are very particular about everybody's sleeping arrangements and I can empathize with Edthedog...
Unless Hank was just playing a dirty liar, something which I don't believe he's above doing on occasion (but don't tell him I do) ;-)
The whole pancake thing is fascinating actually, so many variations with so few ingredients: pancakes, crepes, waffles, all the way to Ethiopian injera...
Hum, I guess I'll go get a cookie now
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 06:09 am (UTC)

Re: Dogs, cookies and pancakes

You're right, Hank is not above playing a dirty liar if circumstances call for it, but he wasn't lying to Ed about the dogs. However, Hank does believe (although Ed denies it) that the reasons the dogs didn't get Ed to come out right away was that 1) Ed hadn't been in that room all that long, he just ran up there when he saw the lights of Hank's truck coming up the driveway and 2) Ed had no intention of staying in the guest room all night, he was just waiting for Hank to offer him enough to make it worth his while to open the door.

Yum... pancakes, crepes, waffles, injera, you're making us all hungry... too bad we ate all those cookies already. Damn.

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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2008-12-14 01:17 am (UTC)
LOL they are so cute. Hank should have asked Ed if he wanted to come help. I liked the calling in gay :D

yeah they belong to each other. :D
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 06:11 am (UTC)
Thanks! And yeah, Hank should have asked Ed if he wanted to come help, but he never thought Ed would want to. And Hank did get a kick out of calling in gay to Ed. He just wishes Ed had picked up the phone instead of him having to leave a message.
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[User Picture]From: graciesdaddy
2008-12-14 01:59 am (UTC)

Golly! Ed-n-Hank ARE old!!!

I haven't heard of Mrs. Miller in AGES!! She was the William Hung of the 60's!!

But you have accomplished something that gay rights activists have been trying to do for 30 years... Change the minds of straight people ONE PERSON AT A TIME!!

Thank you!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 06:15 am (UTC)

Re: Golly! Ed-n-Hank ARE old!!!

LOL! Hey, they aren't THAT old. And don't let Ed hear you say that.

And yeah, one down, and only about 19,337 more townsfolks to go... This could take a while. But Hank is pretty determined.
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[User Picture]From: forever9218
2008-12-14 10:48 pm (UTC)

Message received

You can never get enough chocolate, puppy dog smooches, or breathless, mind blowing, toe curling...exercise. *smirk* Truly, I can never get enough of Ed & Hank.

By the way: Was that a sheep next to that horse cookie? Too funny. Thanks so much for your wonderful contributions to this fandom. Love ya, dumbass! Debra.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2008-12-17 06:23 am (UTC)

Re: Message received

It is definitely impossible to get enough chocolate, puppy dog smooches or that... uh... exercise you were referring to. And Hank is very glad that you can't get enough of Ed and Hank too.

Alas, there were no sheep cookies in the bunch. Along with the horse, (of which there was only one so Ed and Hank fought over it) there was a Christmas tree, stars, candy canes and blobs that we think were Christmas stockings.
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