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Ed and Hank Give and let give... Disclaimer: Hank told their… - myeyesaintblue [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Mar. 10th, 2010|09:35 am]
Ed and Hank

Give and let give...

Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.

Links to all previous posts are here:

Give and let give...

"Hey, Ed..."


"I got a present fer ya..."

"Dammit, Hank..."

"Ya might as well stop righ' now 'cause it won't do no good... I've told ya before... no matter how much ya bitch 'n moan... I ain't gonna stop buyin' ya stuff when I wanna..."

"But ya just bought me tha' wallet a couple a weeks ago... when the wallet I had was just fine..."

"It was held together by duct tape, dumbass."

"Well... the duct tape was workin' just fine."

"Just shut up 'n open the bag, Ed."

"Wha' the hell...?"

"It's you 'n me... Edthestatue 'n Hankthestatue... I thought they'd look real good standin' in front a tha' picture of tha' truck Iris gave us..."

"Where the hell didya find 'em...?"

"Today... when I helped Betty haul some of her ma's stuff ta her niece's place down south... Betty wanted ta stop at this one store... so's I went in with her... 'n there they were..."

"'N exactly how much did they cost...?"

"It ain't polite ta ask how much a present cost."

"So's... exactly how much didya pay fer 'em...?"



"Don't worry about it, Ed... They didn't cost much at all... they'd been marked down a few times already..."

"There's a s'prise."

"Well... down south there ain't near so many ranchers as up here... 'n it weren't the kinda store ranchin' types would frequent anyways... But I betcha if'n a store up here had been sellin' 'em they woulda sold at full price..."

"Yeah... Ta you."

"Well then I guess we're jus' lucky I found 'em where I did 'n fer the price I did instead a findin' 'em somewheres where they woulda been a whole lot more..."

"I guess I cain't argue with tha' logic... So's... which is who...?"

"Ain't it obvious...? One of 'em's wearin' real dull chaps 'n lookin' all suspicious-like 'n holdin' a gun... 'n the other's wearin' fancy chaps with fringe 'n tippin' his hat all friendly-like while showin' off his big ol' belt buckle..."


"But my hair ain't black... 'n I ain't got a beard neither..."

"I could paint tha' beard away... or paint it whatever color ya want it... pink if'n it pleases ya... Shouldn' be too hard... Or... you could jus' grow a beard ta match it... 'n dye yer hair black..."

"There's a real good idea."

"I think so too."

"You would."

"I do."

"But... I couldn't grow a beard exactly like it... Didya notice anythin' peculiar about it...?"

"Yeah... I noticed. 'N I consider it part of his charm."

"A beard growin' under his ear is charmin'...?"

"Well... I could fix tha' with paint too... if'n it bothers ya... but I think it's kinda amusin'."

"'N ain't they a l'il on the young side...?"

"Nope. They look ta be just about the age I feel".

"'N exactly how much didya say they cost...?"

"I didn't say."

"I dunno... We sure don't need 'em, Hank... 'N things have been kinda tight this year... Maybe you should take 'em back the next time we're down tha' way..."

"I ain't takin' 'em back."

"Well... Ya know there's three of us workin' on this here ranch... 'n Bill... ya know how sensitive he is... so's he migh' feel left out... 'n get real upset..."

"Good job keepin' a straight face while ya said tha'."

"Thanks. It weren't easy."

"But... ya know yer a l'il too predictable sometimes... 'n I thought you migh' say somethin' along them lines...  So's... look out behind ya... 'cause... here's Billthestatue..."

"Great. Jus' great."

"I sure as hell thought so... What're the chances I'd find three of 'em...?"

"You ain't gonna pull a statue a Betty out next are ya...?"

"Nope. These are the only three they had."

"But... Jeez... Bill sure looks a whole lot like me... righ' down ta the under-the-ear beard... That ain't right..."

"That's okay... you two are two peas in a pod anyways... 'n ya migh' not be brothers... but yer as good as..."

"Hey... How come Bill gets ta carry a saddle 'n wear a duster...? I'd rather be the one wearin' the duster 'n carryin' the saddle..."

"Nope. Yer the one lookin' all suspicious-like 'n holdin' the gun. No doubt about it."

"It's my present... so's shouldn' I get ta decide who I am...?"



"So's... does tha' mean ya like 'em...?"

"I ain't sure... Exactly how much didya say they cost...?"

"You ain't gonna stop askin' 'til I tell ya... Are ya...?"


"I guess I'm okay with that. Ask away..."

"Yer gonna tell me how much they cost...?"

"Nope. But yer welcome ta keep askin'."

"Since you won't tell me tha' must mean they cost a lot."

"Yer jus' gonna hafta trust me, Ed... they didn' cost much at all..."

"If'n they didn' cost much at all then why dontcha jus' tell me how much they cost?"

"'Cause they're a present, dumbass."

"I told ya... I don't like presents."

"So's... ya don't like 'em...?"

"I didn't say that... I jus' said I don't like presents."

"So ya do like 'em...?"

"Tha' depends... How much did they cost...?"

"Okay... Here's what I'm gonna do... I got the receipt in my wallet... I'm gonna take it out 'n put it in a envelope... Where the hell are the envelopes...? I thought they were in this desk drawer... Here they are... so's I'm gonna go ahead 'n put the receipt in this here envelope 'n seal it..."

"That's a waste of a perfectly good envelope."

"...'N now I'm gonna put it on the desk here... 'n I just wantcha ta think fer a l'il while about whether ya wanna accept these as the presents I want 'em ta be... 'n trust me tha' they didn't cost too much... or if'n ya'd rather spoil it all fer me by openin' tha' there env..."


"Dammit, Ed..."

"Yer right... They didn't cost much."


"Wha'...? Ya didn't really think I weren't gonna look... Didya...?"

"I was hopin ya least-wise mighta given it a little bit a thought..."

"I did."

"So's... now d'ya like 'em...?"

"I like 'em jus' fine... Thanks, Hank."

"Yer welcome, dumbass."


"Wha' now...?"

"They didn't have any horses ta go with 'em at tha' store... did they...?"

"Nope. Jus' them three fellas."

"Too bad."


"Wait a minute..."


"Them cowboys weren't really justa present fer me... were they...?"

"I don't know whatcher talkin' about."

"You woulda bought them 'em fer yerself anyways... wouldn' ya...?"

"I'd prefer ta think of it as buyin' 'em fer us..."

"Then... wouldn' it have been a whole lot easier ta show 'em to me 'n jus' tell me right off how much they cost... withou' goin' through all that 'I got a present fer ya' stuff...?"

"Yep. But it wouldna been near so much fun."


"'N besides... you need all the practice you can get in acceptin' a present gracious-like... you ain't real good at it..."

"If'n you'd jus' stop givin' me stuff I wouldn' need ta get good at it."

"That ain't gonna happen. In fact... I'd like ta give ya somethin' else righ' now..."

"I hope ta hell it ain't another cold."

"It sure as hell ain't... 'N I guarantee you'll like it... 'N it won't cost ya a thing..."

"So's... how 'bout I give you somethin' instead...?"

"Sounds good ta me... 'N I'll do my best ta set a good example by acceptin' it gracious-like... Justa sec... lemme put some music on..."

"Nope. I'm puttin' on the music..."

"No way, Ed... I wanna put on a Elvis song... You like Elvis, dontcha...?"

"So much fer gracious-like..."

"Yeah, but..."

"Step away from tha' cd player, Hank..."

"Okay... okay... Put on watcha want... So's... lemme guess... it's gonna involve fallin' inta a burnin' ring a fire...?"

"Well... it is... But that ain't the music I'm puttin' on... Here..."


"Damn... Yer in that kinda mood, huh...?"

"Yep. You got any objections...?"

"Not a one. Good, bad or ugly... I'll take whatever you got ta give..."

"C'mere, dumbass..."

"Bring it on, cowboy..."


"Damn... Now that is definitely a gift tha' keeps on givin'..."

"It sure as hell is."

"I'm gonna let you pick the music more often, Ed."

"Can I get that in writin'...?"



"Hey... I got an idea..."

"Installin' a chandelier 'n swingin' from it's jus' gonna hafta wait 'til tomorrow... 'cause ya wore me the hell out 'n I gotta get me some sleep..."

"I think ya got tha' backwards... you wore me the hell out... 'N a chandelier ain't a half-bad idea... too bad the ceilin's too low..."

"Yeah. That's a real shame."

"...'Course we could always raise it... Ya know... chandelier or no... it migh' be nice ta vault this here ceilin' somehow... it'd make the room seem a whole lot bigger... 'n all that attic up there is jus' wasted space..."

"I was jus' kiddin', Hank..."

"I know... But I ain't..."

"I just had ta go 'n open my big ol' mouth..."

"'N might I point out what a fine big ol' mouth it is..."


"But... what I was thinkin'... is tha' maybe I could paint a Elvis jumpsuit on tha' statue of me... ya know... paint his clothes white... 'n glue a whole buncha shiny things on 'em... It should look real fine..."

"Great. Jus' great."

"It sure would be."

"Ya know, Hank... even though ya bought them statues fer both of us... ya gave 'em ta me as a present... So... technic'lly they're all mine... 'n I'm the one tha' gets ta decide who 'n wha' gets painted 'n glued onto 'em... 'N I'm decidin' no one 'n nothin' does."

"That ain't fair."

"Yeah it is. They're mine. 'N I'm also decidin' that I'm the one wearin' the duster 'n holdin' the saddle... not Bill..."

"No way, Ed... They are who they are 'n neither of us can change tha'."

"I can."

"No. Ya cain't. It jus' wouldn' be right."

"Fine... I'll agree ta be the one with the gun..."

"It don't matter if'n ya agree to it or not... yer definitely the one with the gun."

"...but then you cain't fancy yers up none."

"Okay... I won't fancy it up Elvis-like... But... how 'bout if I fancy it up western-like...?"

"I can just imagine wha' ya'd do..."

"Is that a 'yes'...?"

"No, it ain't a 'yes'."

"How 'bout jus' the shirt...?"


"How 'bout just the boots then...?"


"Well... that's the last time I buy you anythin'..."

"Can I get that in writin'...?"



"'Cause I lied... I figure it'll annoy ya a lot more if'n I keep buyin' ya stuff..."

"Thanks a lot."

"Yer welcome. So's... how 'bout I just add a l'il somethin' interestin' ta the hat band...?"

"I got a better idea... How 'bout you just say 'goodnight', Hank...?"

"'Goodnight, Hank.'"

"G'night, dumbass."

"Ya know... folks think George Burns 'n Gracie Allen used ta use tha' joke ta close their show... but when George would said 'Say goodnight, Gracie', Gracie would just say 'Goodnight'... 'n not 'Goodnight Gracie'... But... on tha' Laugh-In show... d'ya remember tha' show...? 'You bet yer sweet bippy' 'n all tha'...? They did use tha' joke... Dan Rowan would say 'Say Goodnight Dick' and then Dick Martin would say 'Goodnight Dick'..."

"So's, Hank...?"


"How 'xactly do I shut ya up when I've already done what usually shuts ya up... 'n I'm too wore out ta do it again...?"

"You got enough energy left fer a goodnight kiss...?"

"I migh' be able ta muster it up."

"Well... I ain't promisin' anythin'... but tha' jus' migh' do the trick..."

"I'm willin' ta give it a try..."




"G'night, Ed... I love yer sweet bippie..."

"G'night, dumbass... I love yers too..."




[User Picture]From: hampshirerose
2010-03-10 07:05 pm (UTC)
Just gotta love that Ed and Hank and I do :))!

rose x
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-12 04:50 pm (UTC)
So glad you enjoyed it!
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From: mazaher
2010-03-10 07:26 pm (UTC)
It seems your snowstorm was delivered here by mistake and we're snowed under and the cables went down because of the gale and stayed down until now and it was cold and wet and rather miserable... *but* these two never fail to make me feel warm and cosy and lighted up inside =)
I hope Hank will fish up some horses and dogs to go with the cowboys... and a cat or two... and of course cattle and a few sheep... maybe chicken too...?
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-12 04:56 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear Ed and Hank made you feel warm and cosy, especially with that snowstorm making you cold and wet and miserable. Ugh. We got a snowstorm as well, we had to dig out from under a fair amount (for here anyway) but we didn't get such strong winds.

And Hank would love to find some horses and dogs and cats and cattle and sheep and chickens to go with those cowboys... Maybe he could get Ed to take up whittling again...?
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From: mazaher
2010-03-12 07:01 pm (UTC)
*Yeah* !
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[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2010-03-10 07:53 pm (UTC)
I'm with *mazahar* -- I kept expecting Hank to pull out Edthedog, Hankthedog, and Iristhecat statues too!

Love you guys!

Mary (DancesWithChow -- and Chow-shepherd mix! I really gotta introduce y'all to Jethro one of these days)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-12 04:59 pm (UTC)
LOL! Hank sure wishes he could have kept pulling more statues out of that bag. He's might try and get Ed to take up whittling again in order to finish the set.

And we would love to be introduced to Jethro!
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From: (Anonymous)
2010-03-10 09:03 pm (UTC)

Gettin' my application

for a lifetime membership to the "Hank & Ed" fanclub ready.

Now where do I send it? :)

Thanks for this!

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-12 04:59 pm (UTC)

Re: Gettin' my application

Consider it done! Glad you liked it!
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[User Picture]From: ifyoucantfixit2
2010-03-10 10:09 pm (UTC)
Well some things never change. Hank and Ed are two of them. Thank goodness. So cute. I LMAO at the beard under
the ear thing. That was hysterical...hugs jan
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-12 05:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks! Hank's gotta admit he's pretty happy with the rut he's stuck in with Ed. (And he's gonna leave those beards just the way they are.) Glad you liked it!
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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2010-03-11 05:25 am (UTC)
I love these guys AND the statues

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-12 05:05 pm (UTC)
Hank's gotta admit... he couldn't believe he found three of those statues. Glad you enjoyed it!
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[User Picture]From: skinheadbrian
2010-03-14 12:52 pm (UTC)

these guys are exactly what i wanna be like when i'm their age...

they're fantastic!

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-24 03:24 pm (UTC)
Glad you're enjoying Ed and Hank!
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[User Picture]From: argentine65
2010-03-16 05:42 pm (UTC)

Ed and Hank

Love the statues and the banter about the prices and Ed’s wallet “held together by duct tape” (so much Ed) and of course Hank wanting to paint his statue as Elvis. This story always make me feel better. Thank you for sharing. Martha
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-24 03:43 pm (UTC)

Re: Ed and Hank

Hank couldn't resist buying those statues (lucky for Hank they were real cheap). So far Hank has kept his end of the deal and has resisted painting his statue like Elvis. I'm so glad you liked it and that they made you feel better.

Take care,

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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2010-03-19 04:24 am (UTC)

So much fun

I love these rambles of life with Ed and Hank. I'm sorry somehow I had a bunch of stuff and realized I missed a few story updates. I love the statues and well they do sell Elvis statues made just like this. So much fun giving gifts for no reason but just to give but always hard to be graceful. I'm the one who never accepts a gift easily. But, I like how you made up and well a vaulted ceiling sounds nice but well a chandelier? Maybe a nice sling? LOL oh boy getting Ed in a sling wouldn't that be fun. Kinky Joe on the prowl. Have a good one guys. Joe
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-24 03:51 pm (UTC)

Re: So much fun

Glad you enjoyed it! Hank will have to keep an eye out for an Elvis statue. Although he doesn't get to the bigger town down south too often and there's not many places to shop in town so he'll have to hope for one to appear at the ranch store or the grocery store, but that's not very likely - Darn! As to a nice sling - LOL - Hank loves the idea, but he doesn't think Ed will ever go for it. Of course he'll definitely have a good time suggesting it and watching Ed's reaction. Who knows... maybe Ed will surprise him...?
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[User Picture]From: lara_pinta
2010-03-20 10:35 am (UTC)
That certainly is a weird beard as you point out.

I love a cheapskate Ed, even going so far as to complain about Hank wasting a new envelope, that was just terrific.

How is it that you can spin such a good yarn writing about just about nothing? What a skill you have.

My favourite line was this from Ed ""How 'xactly do I shut ya up when I've already done what usually shuts ya up... 'n I'm too wore out ta do it again...?""

Thank you
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-03-24 04:02 pm (UTC)
It sure is a weird beard. And Hank's grateful for it 'cause that's probably one of the reasons those statues were marked down so many times.

Hank's gotta admit, cheapskate Ed drives him crazy, but he knows he'll never change him, so he just has to settle for aggravating him over it every now and again.

As to writing about nothing - That's usually all that's happening around here. :=) (And Hank would much rather write about nothing than write about something, 'cause if something is happening sometimes it's not so good.)

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[User Picture]From: lalaynia
2010-04-08 02:25 pm (UTC)
Oh, 'Blue, you're the only one who can make me laugh out loud stupid as I read. Gotta love this (and I KNEW it was coming!)

"...'N now I'm gonna put it on the desk here... 'n I just wantcha ta think fer a l'il while about whether ya wanna accept these as the presents I want 'em ta be... 'n trust me tha' they didn't cost too much... or if'n ya'd rather spoil it all fer me by openin' tha' there env..."


"Dammit, Ed..."

"Yer right... They didn't cost much."


"Wha'...? Ya didn't really think I weren't gonna look... Didya...?"

"I was hopin ya least-wise mighta given it a little bit a thought..."

"I did."

You always say so much more than the dialogue with these boys, God love 'em.

Lots going on here, but I'll write you soon. Miss you, Dumbass.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2010-04-21 02:12 pm (UTC)
Hey Laly,

Glad it made you laugh! And yeah, Hank knew it was coming too, but he thought Ed might have thought about it for a MINUTE. Miss you too, Dumbass.

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