myeyesaintblue (myeyesaintblue) wrote,
myeyesaintblue
myeyesaintblue

Ed and Hank


A short post and greetin's of the season from Ed and Hank...


Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.


Links to all previous posts are here:
http://myeyesaintblue.livejournal.com/10082.html





A short post and greetin's of the season from Ed and Hank...




"Why the hell are ya stoppin' here, Hank...?"


"Lookit tha'..."


"Wha'...?"


"That same house... from a couple a years back... their light-up nativity... the baby Jesus is missin' from it..."





"Dammit. Ya don't s'pose them dumbass dogs of ours...?"


"I dunno... I thought we got Edthedog 'n Hankthedog ta give up their wanderin' ways... 'N Billthedog ain't ever wandered none... 'N when it happened before Edthedog 'n Hankthedog took them folks' light-up lamb... 'N tha' lamb Iris found 'em on eBay ta replace it is still there..."


"Didn't they have more than one lamb...?"


"I don't remember."


"Shit. Maybe them dogs each took somethin' this time... Damn... This is gonna cost us..."


"Well... Maybe that ain't what happened... So's let's not go jumpin' ta conclusions..."


"Where the hell else should we jump ta...?"


"Well... ya'd expect some mayhem if'n them dogs had been here... ya know... Joseph 'n Mary 'n them wise guys strewn ev'rywhere 'n tha' crib-like thing knocked over 'n whatnot..."


"Yeah... well... maybe stuff was knocked over 'n them folks set ev'rything back up."


"Too bad there ain't no snow on the ground... if'n there was we could least-wise see if'n there'd been a struggle."


"Ya know them dogs prob'bly did it."


"They're innocent 'til proved guilty, Ed... 'N besides... there's lotsa other reasons tha' baby Jesus migh' not be out there where he belongs..."


"Name one."


"I dunno... Maybe they're bein' sticklers fer the details this year 'n they ain't gonna put him out 'til Christmas mornin'..."


"Name one believable reason."


"You didn't say it had ta be believable."


"Dumbass."


"Or... it could be someone else made off with him... Bored kids maybe...."


"I doubt it... Not with the way a lotta folks 'round these parts are prone ta shootin' first 'n askin' questions later... 'Tis the season or not..."


"I dunno... This time a year... 'n keepin' with all tha' peace on earth 'n goodwill towards men... they migh' be more likely ta least-wise give ya a warnin'... 'Drop tha' light-up baby Jesus or I'll fill ya full a lead'..."


"Dumbass."


"Well... if'n it weren't kids... which it still mighta been... maybe some other dogs made off with him..."


"Or maybe Edthedog 'n Hankthedog made off with him."


"Could be."


"Shit."





a little later...





**slam**


"Well... I looked as good as I could... with it bein' dark 'n all.. 'n I didn't see hide nor hair a no baby or no lamb or nothin' else like 'em nowheres around... 'N them dogs don't look no guiltier than usual..."


"That's a good sign."


"But I'll look around some more tomorrow mornin'... Hell... I still can't believe they managed ta carry tha' light-up lamb this far the last time they... Wha' the hell are ya doin', Hank...?"


"I'm usin' Hankthestatue 'n Edthestatue fer our season's greetin's this year."





"Them lights ain't gonna hurt 'em none... Are they...?"


"Nope."


"You sure...?"


"Yep."


"So's... where'd ya get tha' plastic holly 'n stuff...?"


"Don't you go worryin' yer cheap but real purty l'il head about it, Ed... I didn't spend no money on 'em... I dug 'em outta one a them ol' boxes a Christmas stuff in the basement...


"So's... does somethin' about 'em seem a l'il odd to ya, Hank...? Aside from the lights 'n the plastic stuff anyways..."


"No odder than usual."


"So's... nothin' jumps out at ya as not in keepin' with tha' peace on earth 'n goodwill towards men you were talkin' about before...?"





"I see watcha mean... Hold on a minute..."


"Where ya goin'...?"


"I'll be righ' back..."





A minute later...





"There... How's tha'...?"





"Where the hell didya get tha'...?"


"At the grocery store... I couldn't believe they had giant cowboy-sized candy canes fer yer cowboy-sized sweet tooth... I was gonna give it ta ya later on..."


"So's now I ain't gettin' it...?"


"You can have it after the holidays... 'N I gotta tell ya... I sure am lookin' forward ta watchin' ya eat it..."


"Dumbass."


"Now yer s'posed ta ask me wha' do you  get ta watch..."


"'N I betcha I know the answer ta tha'..."


"Yep. You get ta watch me eatin' mine."





"So's... how much were them candy canes...?"


"A million dollars. Each. So altogether tha' would be... two... miiiiiiiillion... dollars..."


"Dumbass."


"Well... I still got the receipt... D'ya want me ta take yers back...?"


"Nope."


"D'ya want me ta take mine back...?"


"Nope."


"I didn't think so. Now... I jus' gotta add the song ta this here greetin' 'n I'm done..."


"How 'bout a country song fer a change...?"


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEsKriN_9FY


"My thoughts exactly... 'The snooow is faaallin'... it's Christmas eeeve... there's presents around... under the treee... Is there ooone fer meee'...?"


"Pro'bly a lump a coal."


"'I only want yooou fer Christmas, Ed... I don't need nothin' else... I only want yoooou fer Christmas, cowboy... Tie a ribbon around yerself... Ohhhh... Tie a ribbon around yerself'..."


"You really only want me fer Christmas, huh...?"


"Yep."


"Does tha' mean we don't gotta buy each other a shirt this year...?"


"No... It don't mean we don't gotta buy each other a shirt his year. We exchange them shirts on New Year's... not Christmas."


"Too bad."


"Ya don't like buyin' me one lousy shirt ev'ry year, huh...?"


"I like it fine. What I don't like is you buyin' me one helluva loud shirt most years."


"I only make ya wear it once out in public before I switch with ya."


"Ya don't make me do nothin'."


"True 'nough... You do that all on yer own... 'N don't think I don't appreciate it."


"Ya damn well better appreciate it."


"I damn well do."


"Too bad though..."


"Wha'...?"


"If ya want me fer Christmas... then ya can't unwrap me 'til then... I think them are the rules..."


"I ain't ever been much fer followin' rules... So's I'm gonna unwrap ya early... 'n often... real often..."


"Glad ta hear it."


"In fact... I'm gettin' the urge ta unwrap ya righ' now..."


"Well... I gotta call them dogs 'n tha' cat in 'n lock-up 'n turn out the lights... But how 'bout I meet ya upstairs in five or ten minutes...?"


"It's a date... 'N I'll bring the ribbon."


"Lucky fer me we don't got no ribbon."


"I bet I can least-wise dig up a big ol' bow or somethin'..."


"Dumbass."







Greetin's of the season

 

from Ed and Hank!




~~~~


 

 



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