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Ed and Hank Here a rant... There a rant... Disclaimer:… - myeyesaintblue — LiveJournal [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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[Jun. 10th, 2014|08:15 am]

Ed and Hank

Here a rant... There a rant...

Disclaimer: Hank told their story to Annie Proulx. Jack and Ennis are all hers. Ed and Hank belong only to each other. Rating: G $$: Nope.

Links to all previous posts are here:


"In the bedroom... fixin' this here door ta the porch that's been stickin'..."

"Dammit all anyways... Jus' dammit ta hell..."

"Wha' big ol' angry bee is up yer butt, Hank...?"

"I just lost us a friend... Well... someone who were s'posed ta be a friend anyways..."

"Well... Who'd ya lose... 'n how the hell did ya manage ta do it...?"

"It were Fred... 'N... hell... We were talkin'... 'n he were sayin' how much he supports us gettin' hitched legal-like... 'n how bad he feels fer me gettin' beat up..."

"Yeah. Tha' can be real tiresome.  I can see how tha' set ya off."

"Dumbass.  It's just that... then this fella Fred knows... 'n goes ta church with... walked by... 'n Fred clammed up real quick-like 'n looked over his shoulder ta make sure he were gone 'fore he'd start talkin' ta me again... So tha' jus' ticked me off 'cause at the same time he's sayin' all tha' nice stuff ta me he's makin' sure he ain't overheard by no one else he knows... 'n he's goin' ta tha' church ev'ry Sunday 'n tithin' his 10% ta them that's spent millions 'n millions 'n millions a dollars organizin' against folks like us in all fifty states... 'n fightin' fer the past twenty years ta make sure we don't got the same rights as other folks... even though it don't mean a goddamn thing fer their goddamn church 'cause they won't never be forced ta marry gay folks ta each other no how... So's... I told him don't worry tha' fellas gone... he cain't hear ya talkin' ta the likes a me no more 'n then I asked him how he could do both... say he supports us while at the same time givin' his money to a church that hates us... 'N he said it were 'complicated'... 'N then I called him a damn hypocrite fer doin' it 'n said givin' his money 'n goin' ta tha' church is the same damn thing as workin' against our rights..."

"Yeah. I bet tha' went over real well."

"I swear it makes me crazy, Ed... All these folks sayin' they love their gay sons 'n daughters 'n friends 'n whatnot... 'N then they turn around 'n go to a church that hates 'em... while sayin' it loves 'em of course... but only if'n they don't have sex withou' bein' married 'n of course they won't let ya be married neither so tough luck about tha', dumbass...  'N I'll tell ya somethin', Ed... If'n all those same folks said 'Thanks, but no thanks' ta their church's treatin' us like second class folks... 'n slammed them wallets shut 'n stopped goin' ta church 'n told 'em 'xactly the why of it... then I'd betcha anythin' tha' church's god would change his mind in a goddamn hurry 'cause that's what it's really all about fer them... goddamn money... 'N don't you go tellin' me religions don't work tha' way 'cause ya know damn well a lot of 'em sure as hell do..."

"Wouldn' dream of it."

"'N yeah... I know... it ain't none of our bus'ness what kinda dumbass bigotry a church wants ta preach... freedom of religion 'n all... But it sure as hell weren't righ' fer them ta tell all them big ol' lies 'bout us 'n stick their truckloads a money... 'n their big ol' noses... inta our bus'ness 'n our civil rights neither..."

"I know, Hank."

"'N don't think that I don't know that it don't even matter no more... on accounta no matter how much this state fights it... 'n they'll fight it so's long as they can... there's no way no federal court's gonna rule ta take away our marriage... 'cause we got married legal-like... 'n we're gonna win the battle fer civil marriage rights acrost this whole damn country too... 'N it don't matter how much money no religion throws at it no more 'cause tha' won't matter fer winnin' in the courts... Well... it shouldn' matter anyways... 'N it damn well better not... But all their money sure as hell set things back fer a helluva long time... 'N they shoulda had their tax exempt status taken away on accounta it..."

"Yeah, I know, Hank..."

"'N... Hell... I jus' got so tired of what a hypocrite Fred were bein'... 'N not just about us gay folks... he's always bitchin' 'bout his church... or pokin' fun at it... fer one thing or another... So's why the hell don't he jus' leave it already...?  It ain't like ya need no dumbass organized religion ta believe in god if'n ya wanna... Hell.. If'n I were god I'd admire ya more if'n ya went yer own way 'n left them big business-like religions behind... 'N yeah... before ya say it... I know damn well how tha' Mormon religion is... 'n a lotta other ones too... If'n ya leave it yer apt ta lose a lotta yer family members... 'n friends... 'n lose business too... 'Specially in these here small towns... 'n I know Fred cain't afford ta lose no business...  But tha' sure don't make how he treated me righ'... 'N it sure as hell made me feel rotten..."

"Yeah. I know, Hank."

"'N... how much d'ya wanna bet them two fellas who beat me up jus' fer bein' gay are sittin' in a goddamn pew ev'ry goddamn Sunday too...  'N before ya say I don't know that... I know I don't know it. But it's damn likely. Or least-wise it's likely tha' they grew up sittin' 'n them pews even if'n they ain't still sittin' there now... 'Cause that's exactly where a lot of folks learn ta hate us...  Oh, them religions are real careful-like not ta preach hate outrigh'... but when ya preach tha' folks ain't as good as you are... 'n tha' there's somethin' real wrong with 'em tha' goes against god... wha' the hell d'ya think real dumbass people get outta tha'...?  I'll tell ya wha'... That's it's prob'bly A-okay with their god if'n they take that hate ta the next level... Hell... I think that's wha' folks like about them organized religions... tha' they make 'em feel like they're better than other folks... 'N that's real appealin'... 'N yeah... I know that ain't all religions or all folks.... or even most folks... But sometimes it sure seems like a helluva lot of 'em..."

"I know, Hank."

'N I'm just so damn sick of all the hate in this here world... A lotta religions encouragin' hate... Them teabagger politicians encouragin' hate... Them dumbass right-wing radio programs encouragin' hate... Ev'rybody hatin' ev'rybody else... Hate gay folks... hate poor folks... hate sick folks who cain't afford no insurance... hate any folks whose skin color ain't the same as yers... hate foreign folks... hate, hate, hate, hate..."

"I know, Hank..."

"'N don't think I don't know that all these hatin' folks are justa minority of big ol' loud-mothed bullies... but... If'n more a the majority of good folks in this country don't start standin' up to 'em things are jus' gonna get worse 'n worse 'n worse... 'cause their big hatin' mouths will end up runnin' things... Hell... they already are in some states... 'n people are sufferin' in them states on accounta it... dyin' even 'cause them states... which includes this here one... won't do somethin' as simple as expandin' medicaid fer 'em..."

"I know, Hank..."

"'N... on accounta folks like tha'... I feel like I'm losin' my battle with hate... How the hell am I not s'posed ta hate folks whose hatin' hurts other folks... 'N how the hell am I not s'posed ta hate them fellas who beat the hell outta me...?  It's so damn frustratin' that I weren't able ta get even one lousy punch in... 'N now that I purty much know the law ain't never gonna catch up with 'em...  Hell... I'm feelin' like you were... wantin' ta somehow find 'em myself...'n beat the hell out of 'em... Even though I know that wouldn' make 'em hate gay folks no less... but I wanna do it jus' fer the satisfaction of doin' it...  Which prob'bly wouldn' be no satisfaction at all once it were done..."

"Bet it'd be some satisfaction... Good amount even..."

"'N... the thing is... I don't wanna spend my time hatin' on other folks... but I can't figure out how ta fight against hate-filled folks withou' startin' ta hate them..."

"Guess it's like one a them catch-22's..."

"Sure as hell is... Same thing with Fred... I know he don't hate gay folks... not at all... but the people he supports with his money do... 'N... I've tried ta ignore tha'... 'cause I know it is 'complicated' fer him... That is until he did tha' to me... 'N then it just all came outta me... all the resentment I had about it 'n didn' even know I had about it... Damn... 'S all just so mixed up in my head... Alls I know is I'm damn mad 'bout all of it..."

"I were wonderin' how long it'd take ya ta fin'lly get good 'n angry 'bout what happened to ya..."

"Yeah... Guess I'm havin' some kinda delayed-like reaction or somethin'...  It's jus' so damn hard ta believe it actually did happen ta me... Never in a million years thought it would... 'N then the way Fred shut up when he thought his fellow church goer might over-hear him talkin' ta me... Damn... Jus' damn... Tha' jus' pushed me right over the edge... 'n made me wanna punch him too..."

"Don't blame ya Hank... Though I think it were justa matter a time 'til somethin'... or someone... did push ya over that edge..."

"Guess so. But... hope you ain't too put out 'bout me losin' us Fred as a friend, Ed..."

"'S okay, Hank... Gotta admit... Fred always irritated the hell outta me anyways."


"Besides... I bet ya didn' lose him entire-like... Tha' man likes talkin' waaaay too much ta let somethin' like tha' stop him... Kinda like someone else I know... 'Course tha' particular fella don't irritate me quite so's much as Fred does..."

"Glad ta hear I don't irritate ya quite so much as Fred does..."

"So's... D'ya think ya need ta... ya know... talk ta someone who knows 'bout this kinda stuff, Hank...?"

"Nah... I think I'll jus' keep tryin' ta get through it on my own..."

"You sure...?"

"Yep.  Besides... I ain't really on my own... I got you too..."

"Ain't sure I'm much help..."

"You sure as hell are, Ed...  Ya help me more'n you'll ever know...  That is unless ya start cluckin' at me like an ol' mother hen 'bout this or that or the other thing..."

"But... Ya know, Hank... maybe if'n ya jus' try 'n think 'bout it a l'il diff'rent-like..."

"Whaddya mean ..?"

"Well... maybe... instead a thinkin' 'bout it as fightin' against them hatin' folks... think of it more as workin' for somethin'... 'N concentrate on whatcha can do ta get some good done instead a spendin' so much time thinkin' 'bout them folks that're against us... 'n 'gainst so many other folks too..."

"Cain't hurt ta give it a try..."

"'Course... tha' migh' not help ya with that other... ya know... them fellas... 'n wha' they did... Hell... I know I still wanna wring their lousy necks..."

"'S okay, Ed... I'll be okay... Hell... I am okay..."

"'Course... ya know what helps ya beat hate ev'ry time... Hands down..."

"I sure as hell do..."

"...Goin' campin'.  'N fer a good loooong time... 'N in the middle a nowheres this time... There's nothin' like gettin' out there 'n sleepin' under them stars 'n listenin' ta them coyotes howl 'n them birds sing 'n them leaves rustlin' in the wind 'n if'n yer lucky a brook babblin' nearby 'n..."

"That weren't 'xactly what I thought you were gonna say..."

"Tha' mean ya don't wanna go again...?"

"Nah. I wanna go. I just want some of what I were thinkin' you were gonna say too... Somethin' tha' takes affect more immediate-like..."

"You got it, Hank... How 'bout I make ya some pancakes..."

"...SIGH...  Yep. Honeymoon's over 'n done with... Deader than one a them doornails even..."

"Ya didn' let me finish... 'N how 'bout I make 'em right after I love the hell... 'n the hate... right outta ya... Or more like right after the nap tha' comes right after tha'..."

"That's more like it... C'mere, dumbass..."

"Not before I put on some good ol' country music...  Lessee... I think I got jus' the thing ta soothe tha' savage beast in ya... This here fella's got prit' near the most beast-soothin' voice around... Here..."


"Randy Travis, huh...?"

"Yep. 'N this'll make ya feel like we're already out there in the middle a nowheres too... "

"Sure does... Think I jus' got bit by a damn deer fly..."


"Well... yer right about tha' voice, Ed...  there goes tha' savage beast... runnin' out tha' there door... Didya see it...? Them dumbass dogs are chasin' it now..."

"Hope they don't drive it off permanent-like... I gotta admit... I kinda like tha' savage beast a yers ev'ry now 'n again... if'n ya know what I mean..."

"I think I migh' got some idea. 'N I'm sure it'll be back sometime real soon... But righ' now tha' voice has got me soothed waaay down..."

"Jus' don't you go gettin' so soothed down that ya fall asleep on me..."

"Wouldn' dream of it."

"C'mere, dumbass..."



"Deeper Than The Holler"

Well I've heard those city singers singin' 'bout how they can love,
Deeper than the oceans, higher than the stars above.
Well, I come from the country, and I know I ain't seen it all.
But I heard that ocean's salty, and the stars, they sometimes fall.
And that would not do justice to the way I feel for you.
So I had to sing this song about all the things I knew.

My love is deeper than the holler.
Stronger than the river.
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill.
My love is purer than the snowflakes,
That fall in late December.
And honest as a Robin on a springtime window sill.
And longer than the song of a whippoorwill.

From the back roads to the Broadway shows with a million miles between,
There's a least a million love songs that people love to sing.
And every one is different, and every one's the same.
And this is just another way of sayin' the same thing.

My love is deeper than the holler.
Stronger than the river.
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill.
My love is purer than the snowflakes,
That fall in late December.
And honest as a Robin on a spring-time window sill.
And longer than the song of a whippoorwill.

My love is deeper than the holler.
Stronger than the river.
Higher than the pine trees growin' tall upon the hill.
My love is purer than the snowflakes,
That fall in late December.
And honest as a Robin on a spring-time window sill.
And longer than the song of a whippoorwill.
A Whippoorwill



[User Picture]From: not_hathor
2014-06-10 04:07 pm (UTC)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-06-12 07:47 pm (UTC)
*HUGS!* Right backatcha!
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[User Picture]From: ennisjackdean
2014-06-10 09:52 pm (UTC)

The Real World

I love the idea that going out in nature where things
are REAL is cleansing and healing. Much like Ed`s love.
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-06-12 07:50 pm (UTC)

Re: The Real World

I love how you put it! And that's Ed's answer for everything. (And Hank has to admit it works real good for him.) And he sure agrees with you about Ed's love to!
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[User Picture]From: tizi17
2014-06-11 07:58 am (UTC)
love both dumbasses... ;-)
always did...
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-06-12 08:01 pm (UTC)
That's so nice of you to say. And, I gotta admit, I love those dumbasses too. (And them dumbasses sure do love each other.)
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From: mazaher
2014-06-11 08:28 pm (UTC)
A big hug to Hank and a double hooray for Ed. Tackling hate is trickier than roping a 2-y-o longhorn steer, but a good team like them won't fail =)
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-06-12 08:06 pm (UTC)
Yep - Ed makes Hank see that life is waaaay to short to spend your time hating other people. (Even though you still got to fight the good fight against haters...) A big hug right backatcha!
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[User Picture]From: trekfan
2014-06-12 03:07 pm (UTC)
I love these guys. Update soon okay?

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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-06-12 08:13 pm (UTC)
Hank will give it the ol' cowboy try - They're going camping again next week for a couple of weeks, and he's pretty sure Ed will do SOMETHING to write about... :=)
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[User Picture]From: graciesdaddy
2014-06-26 06:43 am (UTC)

When I saw "Randy Travis, huh...?"

I was *hoping* that it'd be that one!! YAY!! That's 'bout the only song of his that'd fit this situation. ;)

Meanwhile, it IS complicated. Tha' church fella *could* have been Fred's bishop... Who has the power to kick him out of That So-Called Church! Keep in mind, Hank, that organization is controlled by only THREE Big Guys and 12 Less-Than-Big-Guys [but still pretty "big", in *their* minds, anyway] in Salt Lake City. What they say, GOES!

And yes, it's all about The Money!

If you *really* wanna figure it out, go here: http://www.postmormon.org That might 'splain a few things for ya!

Keep th' greasy side down, Fellas!
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-07-02 02:24 am (UTC)

Re: When I saw "Randy Travis, huh...?"

Yeah - Hank tries to remember that it's especially complicated for a lot of their friends - He just gets so damn impatient with the whole damn world sometimes. Ed's remedy was real nice - they just got back from a nice long camping trip a couple of days ago and heard the news about the 10th! Too bad they immediately stayed their ruling, but that was to be expected. On to the Supreme Court! (Although Hank's a little more nervous now after their crazy hobby lobby ruling allowing religious company owners to determine what birth control is and isn't covered for their employees - Who knows if that won't lead to more laws like Arizona tried to pass allowing religious business owners to discriminate against lgbt citizens... Hank's gotta remember - the fight is never really over..

Thanks for the link - Hank has checked it out in the past, but not for a long time, so he will again.

Glad you liked the Randy Travis song! We all do too!
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[User Picture]From: joetheone
2014-06-28 03:16 pm (UTC)

congrats and I know

Yep we have all seen it where someone tells us they support us but does not want others to know they know us or acccepts us. But, I guess this is all part of the growing process. It is one step. It takes generations to change the thoughts and minds of others. Look how dam long it has been since Stonewall and look at how the rollercoaster has taken us on acceptance from decade to decade since. Look at the Woman's suffarage movement and the plight of african american's it takes time and it will get better. I believe this more and more if Utah can accept gay marriage than the south will roll over sooner or later. My thoughts are with you and I'm glad that Utah is accepting of you in legal words anyhow it will just take time for the minds of others to come around. Joe
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[User Picture]From: myeyesaintblue
2014-07-02 02:14 am (UTC)

Re: congrats and I know

Yeah - You are always the voice of reason. And Hank agrees - he just gets so damn impatient with the whole damn world sometimes. Unfortunately, Utah hasn't quite accepted it legally yet, they're still going to appeal the 10th circuit court's ruling to the Supreme Court. And the 10th stayed their ruling until that appeal is heard. Boo! But equality it IS coming - That's for damn sure. In the meantime, Ed's just going to have to take Hank camping again and again and again so he can get away from himself. :=) They just got back from a nice, long camping trip a couple of days ago, but all the news is wearing Hank down again real quick.
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